Anonymous wrote:13:13 again.

OP, I get that you "can't do nothing." When my parents had their 50th, they threw their own party. (My mom wanted to arrange everything. She was in heaven.) They specifically said "No gifts." I got them something simple and symbolic of their union. My mom was really touched.

In my opinion, what my parents really wanted (and got, even if for a night) was similar to what most people would want in that situation. "Your presence is the present." Is it possible to arrange for all of the immediate family (you / your family + any siblings and their families) to do something together (so not cousins, various aunts/uncles, etc.)? I don't think many couples celebrating their 50th want something elaborate planned, but simply want a weekend "together." If you think your mom would be open to a gathering like this, then that might be more personal to them. Of course, someone would have to do the planning.

My college roommate's parents had a family gathering for their 50th. All the kids attended and they had "50 golden gifts" all wrapped in gold-colored wrapping paper. She said the gifts ranged from nice things (jewelry) to gag gifts (Gulden's mustard) to "outside the box" things (DVD of On Golden Pond, gold hand towels, etc.) The range and variety of gifts were perfect for her parents' sense of humor.

OP again: this was the family/friends dinner that was nixed. My husband got leave for the weekend of the anniversary, and we were planning to visit with the kids, and I was going to ask my brother to come down from NYC (no kids there) so we could do just close family. Again, I was told "no," this time by my dad who said they might go away.

If I had to guess, I would say my mom has a lot of mixed emotions about this anniversary combined with severe social anxiety, and that they've had some arguments about it, starting with party vs. no party, which I have not been privy to. I think at this point, neither of them wants to be in a position to have to have the "right" reaction at an event, and that the anniversary has probably brought some of the long term issues in their marriage back in the open. I don't know any of this for sure, but literally every idea I had that had us acknowledging their anniversary in any way with our presence was completely shut down. We see them reasonably frequently, so it's not that they don't like spending time with us.

So after a year of agonizing about this with my brother, and repeated attempts to come to a "gathering"-type solution, we ended up deciding on the travel gift.

My father would be hurt if we did nothing at all, and I just don't have it in me after a year of party/no party to start gathering photos or something. I just want to acknowledge the occasion with something suitably grand and move on. I'm just hoping this fits the bill. I started second-guessing myself and thinking we should have spent a little more.

Anonymous wrote:13:13 again.

OP, I get that you "can't do nothing." When my parents had their 50th, they threw their own party. (My mom wanted to arrange everything. She was in heaven.) They specifically said "No gifts." I got them something simple and symbolic of their union. My mom was really touched.

In my opinion, what my parents really wanted (and got, even if for a night) was similar to what most people would want in that situation. "Your presence is the present." Is it possible to arrange for all of the immediate family (you / your family + any siblings and their families) to do something together (so not cousins, various aunts/uncles, etc.)? I don't think many couples celebrating their 50th want something elaborate planned, but simply want a weekend "together." If you think your mom would be open to a gathering like this, then that might be more personal to them. Of course, someone would have to do the planning.

My college roommate's parents had a family gathering for their 50th. All the kids attended and they had "50 golden gifts" all wrapped in gold-colored wrapping paper. She said the gifts ranged from nice things (jewelry) to gag gifts (Gulden's mustard) to "outside the box" things (DVD of On Golden Pond, gold hand towels, etc.) The range and variety of gifts were perfect for her parents' sense of humor.

Your college roommate's parents are awesome. Love that idea!

OP, I've been on a Med. cruise to Italy and Greece and loved it. Of course I went as a 35-year old with my spouse, but it was luxurious and we got to see a ton of great places.

I highly recommend South Africa. You can do a very high luxury safari and then luxury relaxation in the wine region outside Cape Town. From the wine region you can do day trips around Cape Town. It's very inexpensive once you get there.

13:13 again.

OP, I get that you "can't do nothing." When my parents had their 50th, they threw their own party. (My mom wanted to arrange everything. She was in heaven.) They specifically said "No gifts." I got them something simple and symbolic of their union. My mom was really touched.

In my opinion, what my parents really wanted (and got, even if for a night) was similar to what most people would want in that situation. "Your presence is the present." Is it possible to arrange for all of the immediate family (you / your family + any siblings and their families) to do something together (so not cousins, various aunts/uncles, etc.)? I don't think many couples celebrating their 50th want something elaborate planned, but simply want a weekend "together." If you think your mom would be open to a gathering like this, then that might be more personal to them. Of course, someone would have to do the planning.

My college roommate's parents had a family gathering for their 50th. All the kids attended and they had "50 golden gifts" all wrapped in gold-colored wrapping paper. She said the gifts ranged from nice things (jewelry) to gag gifts (Gulden's mustard) to "outside the box" things (DVD of On Golden Pond, gold hand towels, etc.) The range and variety of gifts were perfect for her parents' sense of humor.

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure your parents would accept such a generous gift from their children?

I can't imagine allowing my adult children to spend that kind of money on me; i would prefer for them to save for their future and for their children.

Not OP, but I'm the DIL in a situation like this. My SILs are planning a "huge trip" for their parents later this year for their 50th. My DH & I aren't sure his parents even want to go. The entire situation is a struggle. I have decided I need to just keep my mouth shut. I can't argue with my SILs and there is no way DH & I will be able to talk reason to them. (Fact: They had attempted to give another huge trip 10 years ago for their 40th. Parents were flattered by the gesture, but never went. No money was exchanged, so it wasn't like someone "got rich" off of it.) I'm hoping for similar outcome this time around, as well.

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure your parents would accept such a generous gift from their children?

I can't imagine allowing my adult children to spend that kind of money on me; i would prefer for them to save for their future and for their children.

OP here. They are absolutely the sort who don't want us to spend our money on them. But they spend far more on us during the year, so as far as I'm concerned, it's more of an accounting issue than actual money being transferred. If I don't actually buy something, though, they'll never take it. I can't just say, "let us contribute airfare to the destination of your choice -- book it, and we'll pay you back." They'd never do that. So I want to pick an amount that isn't stingy, but also won't make them angry at us!

This is their 50th anniversary. I can't do nothing. My mother nixed any sort of party. We had planned to throw them a big shindig like they threw for my grandparents' 50th, but she said absolutely not. That would have cost us probably 25K at least (we're not in DC, but not in the cheapest part of the world either). They probably would have insisted on paying for part of that.

Then, I suggested a dinner with only family and close friends. Mom said no. I have ideas about why she doesn't want a party, but she's never going to tell me the real reason. My dad would love a party, but he has been difficult to live with all these 50 years (he has his good points, obviously), so I'm going to go with mom's wishes here.

So, I went back to plan b. Originally, that was a Mediterranean cruise, with stops in places like Italy and Greece where they've always wanted to go. But my dad has gotten really weird about overseas travel (he watches far too much cable news in retirement), and I wasn't sure he would actually agree to go. So I thought we'd get them a gift certificate from a travel agency, and let them decide what they want to do. They are not going to do "adventure travel;" no Macchu Picchu or Antarctica, for example. But I'd like them to have enough money to choose from a variety of destinations either in the US or abroad.

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure your parents would accept such a generous gift from their children?

I can't imagine allowing my adult children to spend that kind of money on me; i would prefer for them to save for their future and for their children.

My in-laws would definitely accept that lol MIL usually makes certain face if gift is not good enough!

Are you sure your parents would accept such a generous gift from their children?

I can't imagine allowing my adult children to spend that kind of money on me; i would prefer for them to save for their future and for their children.

Anonymous wrote:Is there any destination, US or abroad, where 10K would buy a luxury (by middle-middle-class standards, not by "the sky's the limit" standards) 10ish day vacation? My brother and I were going to give my parents a gift certificate for travel for their anniversary. Or, is this just not enough?

You are the best children.
Are you parents still very active and physically fit to be able to walk around?
What are their origin?
If they are Scottish - maybe scotch tasting in Scotland?
I met this lovely couple recently they are both in their 70s, and he took her to Ukraine as she is of Ukrainian origin and never been. I thought it was very sweet and thoughtful.

Yes! Send them to Canada. With the current exchange rate, everything is 25% off. Montreal is a lovely city with tons to do for pretty much every taste. Get them a room in the historical "old port" part of town. If they like to eat, to drink, to window shop, to go to art galleries, to visit museums, to visit waterfronts, to visit historical sites, to engage in activities--ALL of it can be found in Montreal. Depending on the time of year, if you really want to send them for 10 days, they could easily do a side trip to Quebec City for a few days as well. You'd fly them into Montreal. Have them stay there for much of the time. Then online you can purchase them train tickets from downtown Montreal to the heart of Quebec City for the remaining days. They can take the train back directly to the Montreal airport! Easy peasy. The train stations are very very easy to maneover around and figure out. Everyone speaks English but it feels like you're in Europe. Quebec City is romantic and full of amazing restaurants and has a ton of interesting historical sites to visit (almost all of which are free!) You're money will go much farther in Canada than anywhere else right now!

do you want $10k to be all inclusive of everything including meals, excursions, etc? Just accommodations and travel? And what sort of things do your parents enjoy and do they have an limitations?

Anonymous wrote:I'd do a nice cruise. Money is more than enough. $6000-8000 is doable.

NP here. This is the cruise portion only, correct? Not airfare?

my parents enjoy Viking cruises fwiw

I'd do a nice cruise. Money is more than enough. $6000-8000 is doable.

Is there any destination, US or abroad, where 10K would buy a luxury (by middle-middle-class standards, not by "the sky's the limit" standards) 10ish day vacation? My brother and I were going to give my parents a gift certificate for travel for their anniversary. Or, is this just not enough?