Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

are you afraid to answer?
Do you not want to tell them you're getting financial aid?
Or are you reluctant to tell them you need any financial aid?

I mean these schools are costing 65K +. For most people it is a big issue.

OP here. You ask if I'm afraid to answer...when somebody says "that's expensive", that isn't a question...it's just fishing for a response. To be honest, if somebody asked me any of the questions you list, I would answer.

??? Saying "that's expensive" is like saying the sun comes up in the east. We all know that.
Is your problem that they're making an obvious point? A little confused.

I don't think it's the best comment you could make, but I don't think it's rude either. The only reason why I might be offended by the comment is if I thought the people were implying that I was making a shallow choice for spending so much on a certain college (especially if that college is not viewed as particularly worthy of the cost, like it's not an ivy).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

are you afraid to answer?
Do you not want to tell them you're getting financial aid?
Or are you reluctant to tell them you need any financial aid?

I mean these schools are costing 65K +. For most people it is a big issue.

OP here. You ask if I'm afraid to answer...when somebody says "that's expensive", that isn't a question...it's just fishing for a response. To be honest, if somebody asked me any of the questions you list, I would answer.

Honestly - most people just don't know! My oldest and 3rd DD went to ivies and if you haven't had a kid go you would not know (as I didn't coming from a very middle/middle class background) that even our family with a very comfortably HHI of $500K most years got large awards/grants/whatever they call them so these 'high cost' privates with large endowments often cost about the same as in-state (OK not apples to apples but not apples to diamonds!!) My middle when to a small private on same set of financials and because it is not a wealthy school - we paid much more there.

If the person isn't asking you specifically what YOU are paying, I would ignore. Once you have kids at the age, it is ALL you think about.

Not OP here but I have been getting the same types of responses regarding the tuition when I say where my DS is going. One neighbor, who doesn't have kids, jokes about us going broke paying the tuition. I find it annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

are you afraid to answer?
Do you not want to tell them you're getting financial aid?
Or are you reluctant to tell them you need any financial aid?

I mean these schools are costing 65K +. For most people it is a big issue.

sorry, I messed that up.Meant to say you Don't need any financial aid.

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

are you afraid to answer?
Do you not want to tell them you're getting financial aid?
Or are you reluctant to tell them you need any financial aid?

I mean these schools are costing 65K +. For most people it is a big issue.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a doofus sometimes and doesn't think before he speaks. This sounds like something he would say. Through over they years I've tried to help him learn to think before he opens his mouth.
He'd be thinking about it from his perspective as a dad. Oh man I have two kids and of they want to go to X school, that's expensive. Socially awkward. Not unkind. Just give them a blank stare or try to have a sense of humor when other people say stupid but not hurtful things.

OP here. This makes sense. The doofus isn't really looking for a response, so there's no need to provide one.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a doofus sometimes and doesn't think before he speaks. This sounds like something he would say. Through over they years I've tried to help him learn to think before he opens his mouth.
He'd be thinking about it from his perspective as a dad. Oh man I have two kids and of they want to go to X school, that's expensive. Socially awkward. Not unkind. Just give them a blank stare or try to have a sense of humor when other people say stupid but not hurtful things.

This is a very helpful perspective.

chill. they are blurting.

And yeah, it is expensive and college costs are on our minds 24-7 so blurts will happen.

I hope this is the biggest thing you have to worry about in life.

I wouldn't say that to someone, but if someone said it to me, I wouldn't be bothered. I'd interpret it just as 8:24 suggests (identification/commiseration) and respond accordingly -- e.g. "Yeah, college costs are crazy these days, aren't they?"

My DH is a doofus sometimes and doesn't think before he speaks. This sounds like something he would say. Through over they years I've tried to help him learn to think before he opens his mouth.
He'd be thinking about it from his perspective as a dad. Oh man I have two kids and of they want to go to X school, that's expensive. Socially awkward. Not unkind. Just give them a blank stare or try to have a sense of humor when other people say stupid but not hurtful things.

I don't think it is a socially acceptable response. These people are jerks. Let it roll off your back. Congrats to your DC!

People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.