Thank you! At least I don't feel crazy now... ? I will have to take your advice and leave him alone with the baby for a whole day some time so he can experience it.

OP-it's 1-2x per week and about half the time he "asks" and the other half he will just tell me ahead of time. To the PP who suggested having him get up early with the baby on those days, I could try that--but I feel bad making him do that when he has to go to work that day. Should I not (feel bad)?

I would have an absolute fit, because taking care of an infant while having just given birth and nursing is NOT the same as being a stay at home mother of an older child, better rested and more alert!

Absolutely not. My DH came straight home from work while I was on leave, because I requested it and because he loves me. But he didn't REALLY understand until he took 6 weeks off after I went back to work. He was so psyched for me to get home. Until baby is sleeping through the night, you get the commute as your "me" time, and otherwise you're working for money or you're working for family. It does get easier. We both have post-work and weekend fun plenty now. (Baby is 1.) But not in those early days.

IMO, you don't need to have a big confrontation about it. Just arrange for him to have the baby for a full day (like, you're actually out of the house) so he understands the unrelenting nature of caring for a infant.

OP - How many nights a week is this happening?

You're right to be annoyed! Priorities shift--he needs to come home and be present with the baby and you.

I'd be annoyed if it was a unilateral decision but ok if it was part of a negotiated schedule e.g. "Hey - do you mind if I go to hh on weds?" "Sure if you can get up for the early morning hours so I can go for a walk myself before you head to work" etc.

Oh and change that up it's shouldn't be his priority to "help with the infant". It should be his priority to spend time with his infant and wife and take care of the two of you. We nixed the "help" functions of dh beth early. I didn't ask him to "help" me donabything. I just asked him to do whatever and let him do it his way and figure it out. I also highly highly reccomended a couple weeks paternity leave for him when the baby is 4/5 months old. It was eye opening for dh to be all alone with the baby in he house and figure out how to leave for an outing between feeds and changes and naps. Not to mention anything else like laundry or dinner. In a week he had a good routine going but was so happy to see me come home and have another adult in the house.

I think once per week would be ok. Anything more than that would be unacceptable while we're in the trenches

If it's an important networking thing then sure if it's just for him to blow off steam and socialize then no. Mine went to some lectures and after hours meetings with higher ups. Otherwise he came home as early as he could and took the baby or we went for a walk together etc. that tiny baby time is so short when they are portable and sleep later etc.

You guys need to figure iut a schedule where he has some alone time w friend and you do.

Anonymous wrote:11 weeks? Drive him to work and have the car.

Excellent idea!

11 weeks? Drive him to work and have the car.

*your husband

Just wondering how you would feel/felt if you're husband attended social events (like hh, team outings, etc) after work while you were home on maternity leave? Our DD is 11 weeks old now and he has been going out w friends more often now after work, which means that he doesn't get home until 8 pm or so. It's just a long day without a car (he takes it to work most of the time) and part of me is jealous! Today I'm also a little irritated, feeling like his priority should be at home now to help me with our infant. But I feel like I can't complain too much bc I'm always saying how I'd love to SAH if he made enough money, so he's probably thinking "why would she complain then"?
Anyway-reality check-should I be annoyed?