Hang in there, OP. All these anecdotes sound like the week from hell I just had with my own DC. Same here with 3+ years of all kinds of private services, yet the meltdowns continue. Of course since it was Memorial Day weekend some of these had to happen out in public where it was very crowded and I got glares from everyone we know.
I want to crawl back into bed and cry the rest of the day. DC isn't up yet.

Oh, OP, I really sympathize. I sometimes think that the best way to do this parenting gig would be seriously stoned, because then I could just be like "Oh, it's cool, whatever" even when he loses his sh*t. But of course that would lead to 14 thousand other problems, so that wouldn't work.

Mine is a year older and I really do think it's getting better. Especially with SN boys, that frontal lobe develops slowly and the emotions override the rationality. Is he in therapy? He's getting to the point where he can learn some cognitive techniques to work through the frustration and inflexibility himself.

But we still have those episodes where people are staring at me like I'm the crazy abusive parent because my child is screaming bloody murder and I'm trying to restrain him so that he doesn't hurt himself or run away. The last time this happened (downtown on the mall), some elderly lady came up and asked me if I needed any help. I was wondering if she thought I was abusive and that she'd read that this is the best way to avert an abusive situation. I was thinking "Yes, elderly lady, you would be able to hold my 70 pound son while he screams, kicks and punches, so that he does not run away (for the third time this afternoon because he's mad at me about some dumb thing that I've forgotten) and end up in the tidal basin."

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking of an SSRI too but our psych said no for his age and because he thought maybe the mood stuff was a precursor to bi-polar. I don't agree but he sort of scared me out of an SSRI. I have an appt. for a consult with another psych. in a few weeks so this is helpful to hear. Thanks 22:15 for the reminder that at least we're at home A few weeks ago he stopped in the checkout line of the grocery store and screamed like he was being kidnapped because I opened some food he wanted to eat after we bought it and HE wanted to open it so the seal was broken. He lost it when I told him I couldn't re-seal it. The entire store stopped and stared at me while he screamed at the top of his lungs until I could coax him outside. He's too big to pick up of course and I don't want to drag him out since I don't want it to look like I'm abusing him or something. He looks completely normal so I'm are people were thinking I am a terrible parent to a horribly bratty kid. It's comforting to know you guys get it.

Oh man. This sounds so familiar. Sorry OP. I have felt your pain. At 11, things are much better, also with an SSRI, but the need for that became more clear in 2nd grade. Also, we changed therapists a few times until we found a good one who worked with both of us.

Hang in there.

I'm 22:15, and completely agree that these invisible disabilities can be very tricky. What we found especially troubling is because he did not have an autism diagnosis, insurance was very difficult even though he needed/needs a lot of support.

As for bipolar, that had been mentioned to us as well, but as he got older, it became so clear that anxiety was the leading challenge. This was really shown through his lack of flexibility, need for routine, need for familiar people, etc... At 6 we were just asking these questions, by 7 things were much clearer and that is when we started an ssri. In hindsight, I so so so wish we had tried the ssri earlier. We saw crazy improvement within 3 days!

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking of an SSRI too but our psych said no for his age and because he thought maybe the mood stuff was a precursor to bi-polar. I don't agree but he sort of scared me out of an SSRI. I have an appt. for a consult with another psych. in a few weeks so this is helpful to hear. Thanks 22:15 for the reminder that at least we're at home A few weeks ago he stopped in the checkout line of the grocery store and screamed like he was being kidnapped because I opened some food he wanted to eat after we bought it and HE wanted to open it so the seal was broken. He lost it when I told him I couldn't re-seal it. The entire store stopped and stared at me while he screamed at the top of his lungs until I could coax him outside. He's too big to pick up of course and I don't want to drag him out since I don't want it to look like I'm abusing him or something. He looks completely normal so I'm are people were thinking I am a terrible parent to a horribly bratty kid. It's comforting to know you guys get it.

The fact that some kids (mine included) look completely normal can make it really challenging. I sometimes wish my DS had a visible disability so that would explain things to others. Hang in there.

I've been thinking of an SSRI too but our psych said no for his age and because he thought maybe the mood stuff was a precursor to bi-polar. I don't agree but he sort of scared me out of an SSRI. I have an appt. for a consult with another psych. in a few weeks so this is helpful to hear. Thanks 22:15 for the reminder that at least we're at home A few weeks ago he stopped in the checkout line of the grocery store and screamed like he was being kidnapped because I opened some food he wanted to eat after we bought it and HE wanted to open it so the seal was broken. He lost it when I told him I couldn't re-seal it. The entire store stopped and stared at me while he screamed at the top of his lungs until I could coax him outside. He's too big to pick up of course and I don't want to drag him out since I don't want it to look like I'm abusing him or something. He looks completely normal so I'm are people were thinking I am a terrible parent to a horribly bratty kid. It's comforting to know you guys get it.

I definitely have been there. For my ds, an ssri (Zoloft first then Prozac) was needed. It is completely different and more manageable now (3rd grade). There were so many times that I just wanted to give up though- that I actually used to think that the home meltdowns were fabulous just because there were no witnesses judging me and my parenting and having no idea how ridiculous things were. Hang in there- but definitely revisit medication.

A small dose of anti-anxiety meds really helped my child with emotional regulation.

You can also try social skills classes that focus on big deal /little deal, self-regulation and calming strategies, and cognitive flexibility, but that's not an overnight fix obviously.

1st grade

How old is he?

OP here thanks - yes, I don't try to do much talking after the first minute or two (sometimes I can divert the freak out). It's just exhausting. Hello, how can I control the date on a quarter? I can't. No one can. If *that's* the cause of a meltdown then I feel like I have no hope of peace and predictability. I totally get that kids freak out over little stuff, I have two other LO's. It's just so much more frequent, intense and random. It's also not age-appropriate like it would be for a toddler. We get anger outbursts over the cap on the milk being blue instead of red (um, it's never been red??) We've tried a few other meds and the current one actually does seem to be the best but it doesn't cover 24/7.

End of year - my kid is off the rails as well.

They have been holding it together all year and all of the stuff the school decides needs to be done in the last 3 weeks of the school year pushes them over.

It might the right diagnosis but the wrong med.

Also, OP, try less talking to him when he's upset. That can just keep kids revved up.

I know how you feel b/c my kid seems off the rails at times too.

I'm sending you some of my patience and strength! (I had a good day- you can take some of mine!)

HUGS.

DS has some combo of things that make him generally difficult. He has a diagnosis but I'm not sure it's the right one and we've had 3+ years of various services where I can't tell if they've made a difference. He takes everything too far, acts impulsively and has currently been screaming for 35 minutes because I gave him a quarter with the "wrong" date on it (he wanted 2016 and I only have a 2012). I try to be patient but this is ridiculous. He's woken up his little brother and I'm fantasizing about letting him scream outside on the porch where at least my ears would get a break except that I know my neighbors would call the police. I've tried to help him calm down but when he gets like this he just has to come out of it on his own. When he does, he's completely fine and back to normal and I'm a fried mess. I cringe every 5 minutes because I think something is going to set him off. He's on Ritalin and we've done a boatload of behavioral therapy but it just continues. Thanks for letting me vent DCUM. This is my equivalent of taking some deep breaths...