Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bothering to confront him? What do you hope to gain? Do you live together? Any kids?

No to both. As for the reason, I guess I would like to know why. Crazy, right? Once a cheater, always a cheater.

I confronted a cheater in a long distance relationship with me. I found some of his date sites. I was extra nice a month before and wanted a knee jerk reaction so he wouldnt change his story but i didnt want to confront him in person or give the satisfaction of me crying over it so i texted in a real time texting app then casually mentioned his date site. At first he denied it, lied of course that it was innocent then got really upset. He went ad far as saying he wouldnt have minded if i had slept with anyone. We stopped talking for weeks then he texted me and called and said he wanted to work things out and was going to be honest. So he told me everything that happened in detail and answered everything. I cried but i told him i couldnt forgive him and hung up. He called back amd we tried things again but honestly even though he sent me his username and password to all his accounts i couldnt trust him again even after he took down his date profiles and became more attentive and generous. I now knew there was an ugly side to him and felt him and his actions werent real and even when he said he loved me i didnt feel it again.

Just ghost him. no need for drama or details.

I would prefer to confront in person just so I could see his knee-jerk reaction in person. :v

He's your boyfriend of 5 years.
He has cheated on you at least once, presumably twice, probably more.
He has a fetish he won't share with you.
Where do you expect this to go?

I think you still love him, so the best way is to confront him face to face. The expressions will tell you the whole story...

Why are you seeking to create drma?

You sound like you have problems

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bothering to confront him? What do you hope to gain? Do you live together? Any kids?

No to both. As for the reason, I guess I would like to know why. Crazy, right? Once a cheater, always a cheater.

He's a self centered loser. What do you think he's going to psychoanalyze himself and spill it all out to you?
Just run away. Move on!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bothering to confront him? What do you hope to gain? Do you live together? Any kids?

No to both. As for the reason, I guess I would like to know why. Crazy, right? Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Why? He's a cheater and he wanted to.

A cheater who has mentally justified it once finds it even easier to do so on subsequent occasions.

Why do you need "a confession" and "the truth"? If he denies it, you won't believe it, and if he confesses you'll break up with him, right?

Confronting a cheater just causes them to emit a giant squid-ink cloud of lies.

Just break up with him (not in person) and be done with him.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bothering to confront him? What do you hope to gain? Do you live together? Any kids?

No to both. As for the reason, I guess I would like to know why. Crazy, right? Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Why are you bothering to confront him? What do you hope to gain? Do you live together? Any kids?

Do it in person. His face should tell you all you need.

I would never addresss cheating or anything serious over email.

I would personally confront him in person.

What is the fetish?

Boyfriend of 5+ years cheated, swore he wouldn't again, now I have evidence that he is looking to indulge a particular fetish (which I know about and offered to share with him; he seems reluctant). Those of you who have confronted a cheater, do you think you would get more truth by surprising him with it in person or springing it on him in an e-mail?

My thinking about the e-mail route is that it might be more likely to result in a confession, rather than an in-person knee-jerk denial. But then again it would also give him time to get his story straight. Anyway, experience tales welcome.