Anonymous
05/24/2017 17:31
Subject: STBX favors one kid over other two
He is not required to take his visitation/custody share. He is required to pay child support. You cannot force him to see the kids sadly.
Anonymous
05/24/2017 16:20
Subject: STBX favors one kid over other two
I agree he's terrible. But I'd hesitate to force the unwanted kids to spend time with him 
Anonymous
05/23/2017 09:23
Subject: STBX favors one kid over other two
I'm guessing this is part of the reason you're splitting? You probably can get custody so-ordered, but I would expect him to shunt the two he is less enamored with off to someone else for large portions of his time.
What a terrible thing to do to children. Sorry, OP.
What a terrible thing to do to children. Sorry, OP.
Anonymous
05/20/2017 11:51
Subject: STBX favors one kid over other two
Anonymous wrote:My ex-BIL did this, he only wanted to hang out with the older son, both because he was older and more interactive and because he's a general POS. He wanted to put the older son in all these team sports he could coach and often asked my sister if he could just leave the little one when it was his weekend. Jokes on him because the little one turned out to be 1) a ridiculously gifted natural athlete, and 2) somehow convinced that ex-BIL wasn't his dad, which we figured out when he was 4 and mentioned his "Uncle X". That was a weird conversation. Now he knows that's his dad but he doesn't have any real connection to him and ex-BIL is convinced it's some kind of parental alienation on my sister's part (selective amnesia is strong in these guys, be forewarned).
Honestly, a guy who's a shitty enough dad to only spend time with one of his kids doesn't deserve a relationship with any of them. I'd make sure visitation is for all kids and get your weekends off, and keep records of when he doesn't come/doesn't take them all, but I wouldn't make it any of the kids' job to even out his parenting. He'll get his just desserts if he decides to treat his kids like this.
"he" here means my ex-BIL, not my older nephew!
Anonymous
05/20/2017 11:50
Subject: STBX favors one kid over other two
My ex-BIL did this, he only wanted to hang out with the older son, both because he was older and more interactive and because he's a general POS. He wanted to put the older son in all these team sports he could coach and often asked my sister if he could just leave the little one when it was his weekend. Jokes on him because the little one turned out to be 1) a ridiculously gifted natural athlete, and 2) somehow convinced that ex-BIL wasn't his dad, which we figured out when he was 4 and mentioned his "Uncle X". That was a weird conversation. Now he knows that's his dad but he doesn't have any real connection to him and ex-BIL is convinced it's some kind of parental alienation on my sister's part (selective amnesia is strong in these guys, be forewarned).
Honestly, a guy who's a shitty enough dad to only spend time with one of his kids doesn't deserve a relationship with any of them. I'd make sure visitation is for all kids and get your weekends off, and keep records of when he doesn't come/doesn't take them all, but I wouldn't make it any of the kids' job to even out his parenting. He'll get his just desserts if he decides to treat his kids like this.
Honestly, a guy who's a shitty enough dad to only spend time with one of his kids doesn't deserve a relationship with any of them. I'd make sure visitation is for all kids and get your weekends off, and keep records of when he doesn't come/doesn't take them all, but I wouldn't make it any of the kids' job to even out his parenting. He'll get his just desserts if he decides to treat his kids like this.
Anonymous
05/19/2017 18:05
Subject: STBX favors one kid over other two
do you have a sense of why this is? In our case, older DD is highly verbal and willing to engage with bioDad on issues of interest to him (sports talk and politics). Younger DS is not verbal, not interested in talking about sports and often has trouble expressing his needs due to language disorder. BioDad gravitates to the kid that can feed his need.
There's not much to be done about this, except explain to the younger one that Daddy loves him in his own way and the fact that Daddy can't interact very well with DS is a reflection on Dad not a statement about the love/worth of DS.
I try to encourage other activities with BioDad and DS -- movies, sports they both like, things they can do without talking like swimming and biking. This way they are together but not really having to interact.
As the kids have gotten older, I have specifically told older DD that it is her responsibility to make sure that DS is included because we are a family that doesn't leave family members out. Over time, she has learned to stand up more for DS.
There's not much to be done about this, except explain to the younger one that Daddy loves him in his own way and the fact that Daddy can't interact very well with DS is a reflection on Dad not a statement about the love/worth of DS.
I try to encourage other activities with BioDad and DS -- movies, sports they both like, things they can do without talking like swimming and biking. This way they are together but not really having to interact.
As the kids have gotten older, I have specifically told older DD that it is her responsibility to make sure that DS is included because we are a family that doesn't leave family members out. Over time, she has learned to stand up more for DS.
Anonymous
05/19/2017 02:50
Subject: STBX favors one kid over other two
My stbx and I have three kids together but refuses to spend time with two of them. Is there such thing in a custody order as requiring the stbx to have visitation with all of our kids?