I'd stop these parties.

Don't call it "a party"
Have who you want over, when you want

Stop it now and it won't be "a thing" you have to continue year-after-year.

Your DC will be fine. In a couple years DC would rather spend times with friends.

Don't invite either family, just friends.

Uh yeah. Throw the party you want to have for your 2 year old. If they don't like it, um, ok! Don't come then. It's not their party.

Two different parties.

Anonymous wrote:have 2 separate parties. They don't need to know you are having two. Tell your family you are having two so that your child can spend more time with each side and it isn't so crazy.

Have the IL party at a restaurant at brunch time so that there is no smoking and less chance of getting drunk. Have an activity planned that you must leave brunch on time for so there is no "going back to your house".

Families sometimes suck. They are still family. You put your immediate family first and do what ever you need to do to mitigate the outcomes. If that means keeping the ILs separate you do just that. DO NOT feel guilty. DO NOT apologize to in laws.

Why does op have to deal with other two parties just to accomodate unreasonable people.

Ew. They can just NOT come. Win for you.

have 2 separate parties. They don't need to know you are having two. Tell your family you are having two so that your child can spend more time with each side and it isn't so crazy.

Have the IL party at a restaurant at brunch time so that there is no smoking and less chance of getting drunk. Have an activity planned that you must leave brunch on time for so there is no "going back to your house".

Families sometimes suck. They are still family. You put your immediate family first and do what ever you need to do to mitigate the outcomes. If that means keeping the ILs separate you do just that. DO NOT feel guilty. DO NOT apologize to in laws.

Your ILs sound insane.

I'd have an alcohol free and "no smoking on my property" party. If the ILs don't come, all the better!

Celebrating with them is not an obligation

I'd either have 2 separate parties or have a 0 alcohol party, whether they like it or not is not their choice

It's not okay to drunk at a child's birthday party at all. As a former smoker I can say, I never smoked in front of children, there's no reason she can't go around the block or whatever.

Don't feel bad OP. Your baby is only 2 and should get a drama free party.

I guess if you planned it at a restaurant or public place, there would be less opportunity to get drunk or smoke. Ugh. I feel for you.

I would stop interacting with the whole in-law family. They all sound awful. I don't allow active alcoholics near my kids, and don't allow smokers near my kids and I stay away from them myself.

Have a party. Outside BBQ, serve beer or not up to you. People who are adults can come and those who are acting like toddlers don't need to. Don't twist yourself into a pretzel for unreasonable people. Set normal expectations and boundaries.

I would say it's a no alcohol event and let them bail, win win for you! People don't need to get crunk at a two year old's birthday party, especially when they act like jack@sses when they drink.

DD turns 2 the beginning of July so it's just about party planning time. The thing is, my family and DH's family despise each other. BIL drinks a lot and when he drinks he's an ass. Ill get to why I won't make it an alcohol free event. SIL is opinionated and doesn't know when her opinion should be kept to herself. MIL will completely ice out my family making them uncomfortable. My family isn't perfect by any means but I can trust them to play nice and save face. Especially in front of children. Last year my in laws didn't come to the party because I had told MIL she couldn't smoke while holding DD. The whole in law family backed her. If I say no alcohol they will bail on DD again. I'm considering just doing 2 different parties but I was curious as to how others would handle this? Advice?