We're requiring our DD to work a year or two before grad school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she is both losing her assistantship and hasn't a job to go to.

BAD IDEA lady.

You need to talk to your wife and your (adult) kid about a major rethink.

do you have a PhD?

Yes I do!

Make a list of your concerns and just have a calm sit down to present your side. Ultimately it has to be her decision. Let her know that so she doesn't become defensive. Good Luck.

I'm in the camp of take time off. I took four years off before going cal to grad school. The experience put me in a better position to know what I wanted out of my grad program, I knew where to target my job search when I was graduating and I am now in a career I absolutely love that I wouldn't have started into without the four year break.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she is both losing her assistantship and hasn't a job to go to.

BAD IDEA lady.

You need to talk to your wife and your (adult) kid about a major rethink.

Was she heading into a PhD? If so, you should all trust her gut about this time off. Getting a PhD means being stressed and having no money for most of your twenties. It is hard and grueling. It means putting your intellect before EVERYTHING for years on end. There are certainly rewards, but a PhD is not for the meek. If her gut is saying she needs a break to sustain herself through this, then she should take a break. She may end up reapplying completely in order to get funded later, but if she feels like she feels right now, then she probably doesn't have the fortitude right now to start, pass her qualifying exams and finish.

Ph.D here and I agree totally. I never understood the people who went straight through and had no idea what real life was like.

Also, re-reading your letter, you seem to have multiple competing concerns:

1) Will your daughter actually go to grad school?

2) What will she do in the next year?

3) Will she live with you?

These are really different questions, and probably need to be discussed separately.

I'll say this - I passed on a PhD program straight out of undergrad because I was too young, and I knew that the academic job market was a nightmare and that I would need to be prepared to be top of my class from the gate.

My parents worried I would never go back to school, and I never did get a PhD. I did, however, get a Masters in a field related to what I did after undergrad and am perfectly happy and productive as an adult. More to the point, the thing I did after undergrad paved the way for admission to a top-flight graduate program that essentially does not accept folks straight out of undergrad.

Anonymous wrote:So she is both losing her assistantship and hasn't a job to go to.

BAD IDEA lady.

You need to talk to your wife and your (adult) kid about a major rethink.

do you have a PhD?

Anonymous wrote:Oh, yes. She is 100% making the right decision. You NEED work experience in between undergraduate and grad school in order to inform your grad school experience and make it worthwhile. As someone who hires young professionals, I absolutely look askance at someone who went basically from kindergarten straight through a graduate program.

I agree with this. When we hire someone with a PhD, pushing 30 usually, it is completely obvious if they went straight through or not because of the way they interact with other people and because they understand what a job actually is. The hot shots who never took a break are often very annoying and slower learners.

Best advice: take the year off, then DON'T go to the PhD program. Seriously, it's awful.

What are her reasons for the break? Tired of studying or she wants to reevaluate her graduate decision? I, personally, think it's a good idea for a new graduate to go to work first and get some experience. What is her plan? Hang out, work at the mall or look for employment in her field? BTW, what is her field?

Oh, yes. She is 100% making the right decision. You NEED work experience in between undergraduate and grad school in order to inform your grad school experience and make it worthwhile. As someone who hires young professionals, I absolutely look askance at someone who went basically from kindergarten straight through a graduate program.

Anonymous wrote:So she is both losing her assistantship and hasn't a job to go to.

BAD IDEA lady.

You need to talk to your wife and your (adult) kid about a major rethink.

Was she heading into a PhD? If so, you should all trust her gut about this time off. Getting a PhD means being stressed and having no money for most of your twenties. It is hard and grueling. It means putting your intellect before EVERYTHING for years on end. There are certainly rewards, but a PhD is not for the meek. If her gut is saying she needs a break to sustain herself through this, then she should take a break. She may end up reapplying completely in order to get funded later, but if she feels like she feels right now, then she probably doesn't have the fortitude right now to start, pass her qualifying exams and finish.

So she is both losing her assistantship and hasn't a job to go to.

BAD IDEA lady.

You need to talk to your wife and your (adult) kid about a major rethink.

Definitely a good idea since she is deferring rather than just applying. Surely she can find something worthwhile in her field to do for a year. Some graduate programs require time off, like MBAs. Even law schools are now encouraging students to work for a few years first. Getting some experience before more school is always a good thing, and can help ensure that the path is still one she wants.

DD graduated from college this weekend (YAY ). She has been accepted into a grad program with a fellowship /assistantship at her 1st choice school to begin in early July. She announced this weekend that instead of starting her program as planned she is going to take a year off from school. The university will allow her to defer admission for up to 2 years, so that will not be a problem, but the fellowship/assistantship will not hold her job. She also does not have any firm plans for what she is going to do for this year (no job, housing, etc.). While I understand wanting to take a break, I am a little concerned that she is hurting herself long-term. My wife seems absolutely fine with this and immediately started talking about DD coming back to live with us and how it will be great to have a girl in the house again (our 2 younger kids are boys). Somehow I don't think this is going to go well... how do I communicate this to them without them getting defensive, I really think they need to think this through better.