I'm not sure why you should feel ANY sense of shame whatsoever. That's on your dad. You owe this person absolutely nothing, so it's above and beyond to forge ahead, no matter the time line.

You should read the thread below about explaining a love child to the children of marriage. "How do i talk about it with the kids."

Anonymous wrote:"I don't think my Dad knew about him when he was a child."

Your dad didn't know he had this son? Why not?

Pretty obvious isn't it? OP's dad most likely had a ONS with someone and she ended up being pregnant.

"I don't think my Dad knew about him when he was a child."

Your dad didn't know he had this son? Why not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were not ready then but are ready now. This is very understandable. Do it and don't focus on why you didn't do it sooner.

Yes, yes, yes!

No time is more wasted than time we stop to think about our regrets.

You weren't ready then, you're ready now & you still have PLENTY of time in your lives to reconnect & become family.
When you think about it in that grand scheme of things, 5 years is a drop in the bucket.

You may conceivably be the only family he has left, what a wonderful gift you can provide him in having a family back.
No matter HOW he came into the world between your father & his mother, he had absolutely NOTHING to do with that, he's just the innocent child who didn't ask to be born, just to be shunned or kept hidden. Imagine what HE'S been through... you can change all of that OP.

He's not going to be keeping score on how long it took you to reach out, he'll only be thrilled that you did!

You sound like a good egg who wants to do the right thing, OP... so just do it.

+100

Anonymous wrote:You were not ready then but are ready now. This is very understandable. Do it and don't focus on why you didn't do it sooner.

Yes, yes, yes!

No time is more wasted than time we stop to think about our regrets.

You weren't ready then, you're ready now & you still have PLENTY of time in your lives to reconnect & become family.
When you think about it in that grand scheme of things, 5 years is a drop in the bucket.

You may conceivably be the only family he has left, what a wonderful gift you can provide him in having a family back.
No matter HOW he came into the world between your father & his mother, he had absolutely NOTHING to do with that, he's just the innocent child who didn't ask to be born, just to be shunned or kept hidden. Imagine what HE'S been through... you can change all of that OP.

He's not going to be keeping score on how long it took you to reach out, he'll only be thrilled that you did!

You sound like a good egg who wants to do the right thing, OP... so just do it.

You were not ready then but are ready now. This is very understandable. Do it and don't focus on why you didn't do it sooner.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's ok to reach out now

+1 how long you've known it why you didn't reach out sooner doesn't matter. Don't mention it.

I would just reach out. Don't waste more time regretting wasting time.

I think it's ok to reach out now

So I was living abroad in an African country when my Dad told me that I have a half brother who is a few years older than me in his mid to late 30's. My brother reached out to my Dad after his mom died wanting to get to know my Dad. I don't think my Dad knew about him when he was a child. Anyways, after a few months my Dad kept urging me to call my brother and I guess I was still in shock about the whole thing. Anyways I'm so ashamed but I never reached out and it's been 5 years. I'd like to reach out now, but I'm not sure how to or what to say since it's been so long since I found out about him and then never reached out. WWYD?