Anonymous wrote:PP can you tell us more about the Unstuck and On Target curriculum? I've read through the book and wasn't sure whether it would help my child but your enthusiasm about the program is making me rethink.

Through the curriculum my child is learning the difference between a "big deal vs little deal," how to identify when s/he is getting agitated (zones of regulation), self-calming strategies, etc.

Anonymous wrote:This is PP and that's very helpful. Thank you. By executive function do you mean organizing school work, breaking work down in to smaller tasks? My child has a terrible time with organization.

Not so much actual physical organization, but more mental and emotional organization. So a lot of talk about flexibility, motivation, organizing daily routines for success, theory of mind.

This is PP and that's very helpful. Thank you. By executive function do you mean organizing school work, breaking work down in to smaller tasks? My child has a terrible time with organization.

Anonymous wrote:PP can you tell us more about the Unstuck and On Target curriculum? I've read through the book and wasn't sure whether it would help my child but your enthusiasm about the program is making me rethink.

NP here whose child is doing unstuck at Ivymount, with the parent component. It's been excellent. It gives us both a shared vocabulary and strategies for when she gets stuck and frustrated. And they did a much better job than other groups we've done of grouping her with kids of similar abilities. It's more of an executive function group than social skills directly, but of course executive function is crucial to social skills.

I meant more about your experience and how it's helped your DS rather than the curriculum.

PP can you tell us more about the Unstuck and On Target curriculum? I've read through the book and wasn't sure whether it would help my child but your enthusiasm about the program is making me rethink.

My HFA child is learning the Unstuck and On target curriculum through a school-based social skills class -- it's been amazing!! Potentially life-changing.

Same child also attends an after school class run by speech therapists -- I haven't decided yet whether this is helpful.

DS with ADHD and probably social pragmatics disorder (undiagnosed but ASD was ruled out) has participated in three groups from different providers. Main issues are impulsive behavior and emotional regulation and the groups were helpful for two main things. One was knowing he's not alone in his challenges. His school has a lot of high-performing and well-behaved kids which makes him feel terrible about himself. The second is recognizing that feelings are separate from actions and that there are a lot of things we can do to control our actions.

DS is still in elementary so he's still in more or less in step with his peers in terms social cues but I think the gap is widening and I think he'll be more behind in in MS and HS. We are planning to keep him in a group as long as we can, probably until 12th. I know several families that have invested in social skills groups as preventative measures and it has worked out well for them.

No, social skills class was a total waste of time. Often it's just another way for the therapist to gouge you for more money, as it was in our case. I asked about the credentials of the woman running the social skills class and it was clear she had no idea what she was doing other than encouraging chat. We tried it for a few sessions because our therapist was pushing it so hard - it was run out of her office. It became apparent quickly that our DC was in the least need of help amongst the preteens in this group. We dropped both the group and the therapist when she came home with a new word - "suicide" (she was young) - and the story the one of the girls told about her attempt. Be very careful. I do think it's a money maker that therapists force on desperate parents. Maybe there is a good social skills group out there but we never found it. Scouting and church social groups are a much better way to go

My kid who needs social skills improvement is 11. We've been to a number of groups but the best we've found is one run by the SLP practice. Since DS also has apraxia of speech, it's helpful for him to have the support of the SLP when needed. DS actually moved from individual therapy to this group as his previous SLP thought he would benefit more from the more spontaneous (yet still structured) environment of the group. The SLP uses a curricula that sounds like the one 8:22 described (But her group sounds so much better!). DS has made significant progress but I can't say that it's just because of this group. I do think this one is of value while others were so much but were worth a try.

My older DC is HFA and is currently a sophomore in college. He went weekly to a social skills group from mid 4th grade to 12 grade. He is still it of step with his neurotypical peers, but catching up. He is ahead of his HFA peers. At first, the group was the first place he went where people looked forward to seeing him and he to them as he had alienated his peer group in school. Together they learned some of the social graces. They practiced listening and asking emotional questions (not technical ones). He basically used it - but was "faking it", now he is actually "making it". We scripted coonversationed at home too. Once he got the hang of that, the social skills group was a friendship group and a problem solving group. They would each bring in a situation they experienced and discussed how to react the next time. They had to bring up a positive and a negative thing and they couldn't always bring up the same ting week after week. With HFA, IME- they are always behind a few to more years on the social scene - so there is always something that comes up as they age. This group was helpful throughout that.

In HS, we saw how his work manifested in decent relations at school and in our inclusive congregation's youth group. He felt he found a place where he belonged. Now in college, he has found his tribe in a club that meets every Sat night and with study groups. He is still out of step with neurotypical students, but he is closing that gap and is in a major where he is much closer to the norm. He starts a paid internship today in a field that is close to his major. It pays enough for him to pay his bills this summer and save bit if he is careful. I am really proud of his progress, but its is slow and small steps add up to bigger things over time.

Besides the weekly study group from 4th-12th grade, the things that helped him were orchestra, scouts, and our congregation's RE then youth group. There are congregations all over the faith spectrum that practice and teach inclusiveness. I would encourage a band instrument too- as band in HS is a great place for social activity and bonding. Orchestra doesn't quite get there, but it is still a good option. Theatre is another EC that embraces differences.

The other thing I liked about his social skills group,is that his facilitator did a monthly parent group. At first we learned techniques for helping DC learn social skills, then practice them. THen, she was very helpful when an issue would crop up, offering suggestions and guidance. It was also helpful to talk to other parents while the social skills class was going on. It became of parent support group of sorts.

What does your DC's social skill group facilitator think of his progress? SOmetimes, things that look like regression to us are really a sign that they have moved up to the next level and need to learn different tactics. If you think it just isn'tworking for him, try another group.

Social skills groups helped my child know, in theory, what he is supposed to do and he can apply those skills in structured, adult led situations. But he cannot remember the skills in unstructured situations with his peers.

Anonymous wrote:DS has done these groups for years. (Aspergers is the dx). I'm not seeing it get better. If anything he has gotten more inappropriate in his choices of conversation. Also, he is just as oblivious to social cues as ever. We work on it too and we have playdates.

Please give me some hope!

Social skills groups helped my DS (ADHD and social pragmatics disorder) understand the basic idea- that other people have thoughts, ideas, perspectives-- it did not go a long way toward teaching it in real time. Practice at school and in social settings has helped some, but DS is still completely out of step with his peers.

Does he have other quirky kids that he clicks with? Does he have an interest in a something age appropriate--hobby or sport for example? That may help him bond with others It may be a long road of practice, practice, practice.

DS has done these groups for years. (Aspergers is the dx). I'm not seeing it get better. If anything he has gotten more inappropriate in his choices of conversation. Also, he is just as oblivious to social cues as ever. We work on it too and we have playdates.

Please give me some hope!