There is no "versus" unless you have really unhealthy relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's my first mother's day and I am expecting my DH to plan something. After being pregnant for 40 weeks and then a mom for nearly a year, he's only one who will even know how much work it's been. Am I expecting too much for DH to plan it an be there for me? Or is he supposed to leave me with the baby to go out of town and celebrate with his mom?

"... expectation only leads to disappointment..." Buddha

Yeah, at least until your MIL and mom die it's all about them, at least that's the way it is in my family. I barely get a passing thought and my husband and I have agreed to save our energies for other things (in terms of wrangling too-young kids to do something they don't understand).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not needy. I don't celebrate Hallmark Holidays. I don't celebrate Mother's Day. My husband doesn't celebrate Father's Day. We don't do Valentine's or Sweetest Days. We don't do anniversaries.

What we DO do is show one another, in random ways on random days, that we love and care and appreciate.

we aren't big holiday people either, but we do a card and 'you pick dinner, it's your day' kind of thing for mother's and father's day. it's not either/or.

This is what we do.

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely have no interest in doing anything special on Mother's Day. Just another day for me. I look for the least mushy card possible to send to my mother, and will buy some flowers for MIL. Frankly I don't like being reminded of how "un motherly" my mother was. Too much sadness.

Same (except I don't have a MIL).

I absolutely have no interest in doing anything special on Mother's Day. Just another day for me. I look for the least mushy card possible to send to my mother, and will buy some flowers for MIL. Frankly I don't like being reminded of how "un motherly" my mother was. Too much sadness.

Well, it makes sense that the article is geared towards couples who've recently had children. The author and the author's husband have at least three decades of life with their moms, so they presumably already have an idea of how they like to acknowledge their own parents on mother's day.

Anonymous wrote:It's my first mother's day and I am expecting my DH to plan something. After being pregnant for 40 weeks and then a mom for nearly a year, he's only one who will even know how much work it's been. Am I expecting too much for DH to plan it an be there for me? Or is he supposed to leave me with the baby to go out of town and celebrate with his mom?

It'll be my first mother's day as well. I've always been a does not celebrate Hallmark Holiday person, as another PP put it. However, I realized that, at least for this year, I really wanted some acknowledgement from DH for Mother's Day. Maybe it's because things have been so rough lately and I feel like I'm floundering and failing at this whole motherhood thing but I really, really would like some celebration on the day. However, I knew it would be wildly unfair to not TELL DH this, since he would normally expect me to not care about a holiday like this. So I let him know that I wanted to do something for Mother's Day this year, we talked out what I wanted (yes, I was that person that initially said "I don't know what I want, I just know I want something", I suck, I know), and we came up with a plan.

It's nothing much (I really want some plants for the house so we're going shopping for some and for DH will make a particular meal I like anytime in the next two weeks) but it feels important for some reason this year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not needy. I don't celebrate Hallmark Holidays. I don't celebrate Mother's Day. My husband doesn't celebrate Father's Day. We don't do Valentine's or Sweetest Days. We don't do anniversaries.

What we DO do is show one another, in random ways on random days, that we love and care and appreciate.

And that works for your mom and MIL?

For my mom it does. It's a made up holiday. We show love and appreciation all year.

My MIL on the other hand, comes from a long line of needy women. Bless her heart.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not needy. I don't celebrate Hallmark Holidays. I don't celebrate Mother's Day. My husband doesn't celebrate Father's Day. We don't do Valentine's or Sweetest Days. We don't do anniversaries.

What we DO do is show one another, in random ways on random days, that we love and care and appreciate.

And that works for your mom and MIL?

Anonymous wrote:I'm not needy. I don't celebrate Hallmark Holidays. I don't celebrate Mother's Day. My husband doesn't celebrate Father's Day. We don't do Valentine's or Sweetest Days. We don't do anniversaries.

What we DO do is show one another, in random ways on random days, that we love and care and appreciate.

we aren't big holiday people either, but we do a card and 'you pick dinner, it's your day' kind of thing for mother's and father's day. it's not either/or.

I'm not needy. I don't celebrate Hallmark Holidays. I don't celebrate Mother's Day. My husband doesn't celebrate Father's Day. We don't do Valentine's or Sweetest Days. We don't do anniversaries.

What we DO do is show one another, in random ways on random days, that we love and care and appreciate.

Anonymous wrote:It's my first mother's day and I am expecting my DH to plan something. After being pregnant for 40 weeks and then a mom for nearly a year, he's only one who will even know how much work it's been. Am I expecting too much for DH to plan it an be there for me? Or is he supposed to leave me with the baby to go out of town and celebrate with his mom?

Does he know what you want? I thought it would be a no brainer for my DH, but my first mother's day was not planned out at all. He went out to Costco that day to get me a pair of earrings (which I do love) and then figured "we" could cook a nice dinner. Which means me. Except he didn't tell me any of this all day so I spent 3/4ths of the day wondering what the heck happened to mother's day. (As for my mom and MIL - MIL doesn't celebrate, and I had celebrated my mother the day before with my sibling).

Anonymous wrote:It's my first mother's day and I am expecting my DH to plan something. After being pregnant for 40 weeks and then a mom for nearly a year, he's only one who will even know how much work it's been. Am I expecting too much for DH to plan it an be there for me? Or is he supposed to leave me with the baby to go out of town and celebrate with his mom?

"... expectation only leads to disappointment..." Buddha

It's my first mother's day and I am expecting my DH to plan something. After being pregnant for 40 weeks and then a mom for nearly a year, he's only one who will even know how much work it's been. Am I expecting too much for DH to plan it an be there for me? Or is he supposed to leave me with the baby to go out of town and celebrate with his mom?

Who gets celebrated on mother's day? Young moms in the trenches vs old moms (grandmas)? I just read this post by Emily Henderson about "how to spoil your baby mama on mother's day." There is no mention whatsoever about her celebrating her own mom or her MIL (do DILs even have to celebrate their MILs on mother's day?). Thoughts on this article?

https://stylebyemilyhenderson.com/blog/spoil-baby-mama-mothers-day