Just as there is a wide range of kids with autism spectrum disorders, there is a wide range of kids who have high-functioning autism spectrum disorder.
Your nephew has HFA. He's verbal and will presumably be toilet-trained soon and can probably act appropriately in many situations despite some challenging behaviors.
Your child's best friend would probably have been diagnosed with Asperger's if the diagnosis still existed but it's now under HFA also. She probably finds social communications more challenging than some of her peers and may have intense interests and repetitive behaviors. She may have been in some therapy when she was younger and the signs were more obvious but now is simply seen as a bit quirky.

OP, "high-functioning" is a pretty broad term. Many people use it when referring to autistic kids who are verbal and can manage public situations with supports where someone else might use it to referring to autistic kids who, in some situations, don't appear autistic to the lay person. Also, different kids will also have difficulties in different situations. A good classroom fit may be a non-stressful situation for a kid but very stressful for someone else. Since the behavior stemming from ASD is often from stress and anxiety, creating a space and routine that is non-stressful removes a lot of the more obvious behavior. There are also likely accommodations that are invisible to you that make things easier for this girl.

I wouldn't necessarily characterize your brother as lying to you about your nephew. It's entirely possible their medical team has used the term "high functioning" with them and there is a natural tendency when you're faced with an autism diagnosis to try to minimize or rationalize away the problems. Facing a future of long term decisions for someone unable to hold employment is really, really daunting and no one wants to think that's where they will be 15 years down the line. Sometimes I think we characterize things as we would want them to be, not necessarily as an outside observer might see.

I think it's great that you're trying to learn more. Just be supportive for them and you'll be helping so much.

NP here. I'd like to understand it better too. One of the kids in our group of family friends is on the spectrum. He is in a normal classroom with no aid but has an IEP-so high functioning. For the most part, he does well when playing with other kids in our group, but there are times when he acts out. His parents don't talk about the diagnosis, or really address behavior problems. Which makes it difficult for the other kids in the group to understand why he "gets away" with things. It also makes him hard, and sometimes upsetting to be around. If you are a parent of an autistic child, how would you suggest we approach the subject with our own NT kids? Kids are all elementary school aged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it's called Autism SPECTRUM Disorder. Some people are severely affected; others not as much.

Not OP, but I think she's saying she doesn't understand what high functioning means if her nephew is supposedly high functioning.

(Side note OP, you don't say how old he is, but your nephew doesn't sound high functioning. Are you sure they didn't mean 10 being the worst?)

Thank you, this is OP and this is exactly what I mean.

Both kids are actually 6. When he sat us down to tell us, the 8/10 is how he described it to us in laymans terms, adding the "high-functioning". Knowing what little we know, he DID seem high-functioning, until I had a talk recently with the friends mom.

Now I'm feeling for my brother and nephew. I don't know why they are hiding this from us, but that is unrelated.

Yes, I'm wondering about high-functioning, which sadly, I'm realizing my nephew isn't.

They are not hiding anything but don't want to talk about the realities they are facing. He is not high functioning if he's in diapers and having all those issues, sadly. High functioning is more reserved for kids who are quirky and are functional in most areas. By age 6, it should all tease out of what it really is.

Anonymous wrote:Some examples

my 1.5 year old son holds a toy right and doesn't give up someone get hold of that toy, therapist says he is rigid interest and have autism
Some people may not show empathy on other , they're autistic
17 year girl likes dolls she is autistic
some kids are obsessed with geography and they need to take globe everywhere they go , even to Disney , they're autistic
Some kids and straight forward when they talk and don't have filters when they talk.. they're autistic

?

Some examples

my 1.5 year old son holds a toy right and doesn't give up someone get hold of that toy, therapist says he is rigid interest and have autism
Some people may not show empathy on other , they're autistic
17 year girl likes dolls she is autistic
some kids are obsessed with geography and they need to take globe everywhere they go , even to Disney , they're autistic
Some kids and straight forward when they talk and don't have filters when they talk.. they're autistic

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it's called Autism SPECTRUM Disorder. Some people are severely affected; others not as much.

Not OP, but I think she's saying she doesn't understand what high functioning means if her nephew is supposedly high functioning.

(Side note OP, you don't say how old he is, but your nephew doesn't sound high functioning. Are you sure they didn't mean 10 being the worst?)

Thank you, this is OP and this is exactly what I mean.

Both kids are actually 6. When he sat us down to tell us, the 8/10 is how he described it to us in laymans terms, adding the "high-functioning". Knowing what little we know, he DID seem high-functioning, until I had a talk recently with the friends mom.

Now I'm feeling for my brother and nephew. I don't know why they are hiding this from us, but that is unrelated.

Yes, I'm wondering about high-functioning, which sadly, I'm realizing my nephew isn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it's called Autism SPECTRUM Disorder. Some people are severely affected; others not as much.

I understand that. My brother claims that his son is an 8, if the spectrum was to be 1-10. I'm just thinking, is there really that much difference between an 8 and a 9 or even a 10? The kids are the same age. Is my brother not giving us the whole story?

Never heard of it being given a level.

There are indeed levels in the DSM 5, but only 3.

All are severe and impact daily living.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it's called Autism SPECTRUM Disorder. Some people are severely affected; others not as much.

Not OP, but I think she's saying she doesn't understand what high functioning means if her nephew is supposedly high functioning.

(Side note OP, you don't say how old he is, but your nephew doesn't sound high functioning. Are you sure they didn't mean 10 being the worst?)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it's called Autism SPECTRUM Disorder. Some people are severely affected; others not as much.

I understand that. My brother claims that his son is an 8, if the spectrum was to be 1-10. I'm just thinking, is there really that much difference between an 8 and a 9 or even a 10? The kids are the same age. Is my brother not giving us the whole story?

Never heard of it being given a level.

How old is your nephew? There is a big difference between a 4 year old and 8 year old. Its a very subjective diagnosis and everyone uses the terms a bit differently so you are going to have a range. They are not the same and no one really knows what Autism is as its a checklist vs. other testing right now.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it's called Autism SPECTRUM Disorder. Some people are severely affected; others not as much.

I understand that. My brother claims that his son is an 8, if the spectrum was to be 1-10. I'm just thinking, is there really that much difference between an 8 and a 9 or even a 10? The kids are the same age. Is my brother not giving us the whole story?

Yeah, it's called Autism SPECTRUM Disorder. Some people are severely affected; others not as much.

Girls with autism display a much different, less obvious pattern of symptoms than boys with autism.

Found out today that my DC's best little school friend has autism. Little girl is quirky, but I would have never guessed. She's in a mainstream classroom (not integrated, just in the classroom and with no paraprofessional - sits next to my child, as a matter of fact), we've done play dates and the kids play well together.

We also have a nephew with autism. His parents claim he's an "8 out of 10" with 1 being the worst. He has MANY behavioral and social issues. He doesn't talk much at all, doesn't play, and is in a school for children with autism. He could never be in a mainstream classroom. He's also still in diapers. He hits and runs away, etc.

I guess I don't understand how HE can be so high functioning. What does that make this friend/classmate?

I guess I just don't understand autism. Can my nephew really be "high-functioning"? This girl in my child's class clearly seems high-functioning. Like I said, I would have never guessed if I hadn't just heard from the mom.

Any insight?