Anonymous wrote:I don't know what my question is. I'm just pissed at my BIL for subscribing to such sexism. And I have to answer my kids' questions in a way that is respectful of their cousins but still honors our values.

If they come to my DD's bat mitzvah (on a Saturday, with mixed gender seating, and she'll read from the Torah) I wonder how they will explain that to their kids.

They will explain it as your family has different faith practices and they should respect all people regardless of whether your beliefs are different or similar. Doesn't seem too difficult.

Don't judge others just because you are projecting your opinion that they celebrate in a way you consider to be wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain what's sexist here for those of us who don't know? I know the gender split is pretty standard for orthodox families.

That men/boys are allowed to do more than girls/women. For example, read from the Torah and celebrate in the synagogue's sanctuary.

Ah ok. Thank you for clarifying.

Anonymous wrote:What is your question? You should take the orthodox line and berate the for having a bat mitzvah ceremony at all.

My mother grew up Orthodox and had a bat mitzvah. On the bima. In 1963. None of us are monoliths.

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain what's sexist here for those of us who don't know? I know the gender split is pretty standard for orthodox families.

That men/boys are allowed to do more than girls/women. For example, read from the Torah and celebrate in the synagogue's sanctuary.

That sounds really tough, OP. Best of luck navigating that.

Can you explain what's sexist here for those of us who don't know? I know the gender split is pretty standard for orthodox families.

I don't know what my question is. I'm just pissed at my BIL for subscribing to such sexism. And I have to answer my kids' questions in a way that is respectful of their cousins but still honors our values.

If they come to my DD's bat mitzvah (on a Saturday, with mixed gender seating, and she'll read from the Torah) I wonder how they will explain that to their kids.

What is your question? You should take the orthodox line and berate the for having a bat mitzvah ceremony at all.

My orthodox niece is having her bat mitzvah in a few months. She will be only 12, it will be in the synagogue social hall instead of the sanctuary and only women are allowed (so not her father, grandfather, other important men in her life), and it's on a Thursday.

I know it's judgmental of me, but it makes me sad, especially since I know her brother will get radically different treatment. Plus we're traveling around the world for it, and my DH (my niece's father is my DH's brother) won't be able to go to the ceremony.