I don't give many compliments. It just doesn't often occur to me. I also have a hard time being happy for people. These are things that I've worked on for years and years. It's definitely a personality flaw and contributes to my social anxiety.

On the other hand, for people who understand this about me...when I give compliments or if I'm happy for them and express that, they know it's really genuine.

It can be cultural. If you come from a family where boasting and bragging is discouraged, you're not going to be someone who goes around complimenting people all the time.

And then there are people who are bone honest and think its just BS flattery.

Anonymous wrote:competitive? I have a friend who never gives compliments. I don't think she has ever said something as simple as "oh I like that top on you." I lost weight after working hard with a trainer, others were telling me how great I looked, everyone except this one friend. It wasn't because she was jealous, she always has and always will have a great/better body than me, she is just not capable of praising anyone because she feels the need to be competitive.

I don't see this behavior as competitive, I see it as being insecure. An insecure person feels like they are losing something by giving you something. I have a friend and a coworker who are like this.

Compliments don't have to be given based on a person "hitting the mark", they can be given for the effort in trying to hit it. I give compliments to encourage. I think people who say they don't see anything worth complimenting are bs'ers who just struggle with not wanting to make others feel good. I'm pretty sure these same people are quick to criticize though

Anonymous wrote:In my family good was expected. You only got comments if you did something wrong. This is my normal and I have a hard time recalling that many people thrive on praise....in the workplace I have trained myself to offer praise but it is not natural for me at all.

My husband's family is like this. You only hear feedback if you f--- up because excellence is the expected as the default. It's the complete opposite of my family and I'm still not used to it after being married for many years. Maybe it's an Asian thing, I don't know.

I am more like your friend than I would like to admit. It's not that I don't want to compliment people, it just doesn't roll off my tongue the way it does for a lot of people. I'm frequently left going, why didn't I think to say that? I am trying to be better about this, but it's not a skill which comes naturally to me.

Anonymous wrote:Self-absorbed people behave like this.

+100

Anonymous wrote:competitive? I have a friend who never gives compliments. I don't think she has ever said something as simple as "oh I like that top on you." I lost weight after working hard with a trainer, others were telling me how great I looked, everyone except this one friend. It wasn't because she was jealous, she always has and always will have a great/better body than me, she is just not capable of praising anyone because she feels the need to be competitive.

"I like that top on you" is a social convention. It's not necessarily praise or compliment. I find such comments empty, vapid. If my friend looks fantastic I will tell her. If I really like her purse I'd let her know. However, praise as a way to connect with someone seems dishonest. I try to be honest and look for interesting or substantive topics to discuss as a way of connecting with my friends.

competitive? I have a friend who never gives compliments. I don't think she has ever said something as simple as "oh I like that top on you." I lost weight after working hard with a trainer, others were telling me how great I looked, everyone except this one friend. It wasn't because she was jealous, she always has and always will have a great/better body than me, she is just not capable of praising anyone because she feels the need to be competitive.

Another perspective is some people don't thrive on praise...words of affirmation for them are nice but don't really "mean" anything. So these people also reserve giving compliments for times when they're truly impressed.

In my family good was expected. You only got comments if you did something wrong. This is my normal and I have a hard time recalling that many people thrive on praise....in the workplace I have trained myself to offer praise but it is not natural for me at all.

Nothing to compliment

Self-absorbed people behave like this.

Some people aren't easily impressed?

Many are the opposite and I don't know why they can easily give compliments, but not take them.

I have a friend who does this, but has no problem receiving them.