Female here. Weight matters to me. For one, I am very active. I was a D-1 athlete. I work out ornplay a sport 6 days a week. I like to do these things with my partner--walking, jogging, riding bikes, lifting, playing a team sport, or doing a fun race together. That's fun for me. I don't want a partner who can't keep up. It's not being mean, it's just a trait that is important to me and a key part of my lifestyle.

Secondly, if someone is overweight it tells me they might be sloppy in other areas of life. I am very neat, organized, and meticulous about details. Call me mean, but I look at overweight people and think they are sloppy, possibly disorganized, and just don't care much.

You can preach on and on and on about how someone should value you for more than just your looks. Of course your spouse should. But attraction is a huge part of a relationship. Without attraction you're just friends. I don't fault anyone for saying that they require this or that physical trait in a partner. That's what a romantic relationship is about. If you wanted a roommate or a BFF then it wouldn't matter. But this is your lover.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DC sucks for dating period, it's not about weight. I know plenty of dream women who've been single for 8 years now. It's kinda insane.

Is that still the case? I know it was back when I was single in the 90s. Sometimes I think I settled because of it

Based on my anecdotal evidence watching friends, I think so. One of my friends is GORGEOUS, like stops men in their tracks gorgeous. I've never seen a woman get so many looks from men and women before. She's skinny, too. She's smart, has an MA, has a great job and drives an amazing luxury car. No debt. She's very picky about men so I'm sure that plays a role, but, even she has a hard time with the dating pool in DC and has been single for the majority of the time I've known her, which is about 10 years now. I know at least 4 other women who are similar to her but not as gorgeous yet quite beautiful and they are all single. No lack of meetups, dating apps, etc. The dating pool seems to stink. None of my married friends met their SO in DC, now that I think about it.

I do wonder if dating apps make dating a lot harder. It gives people the perception that there's always someone better about to come along.

She just needs to find the right person, but I think other posters are correct that D.C. can be a superficial place. The further south you go, meat on your bones is more acceptable.

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DC sucks for dating period, it's not about weight. I know plenty of dream women who've been single for 8 years now. It's kinda insane.

Is that still the case? I know it was back when I was single in the 90s. Sometimes I think I settled because of it

Based on my anecdotal evidence watching friends, I think so. One of my friends is GORGEOUS, like stops men in their tracks gorgeous. I've never seen a woman get so many looks from men and women before. She's skinny, too. She's smart, has an MA, has a great job and drives an amazing luxury car. No debt. She's very picky about men so I'm sure that plays a role, but, even she has a hard time with the dating pool in DC and has been single for the majority of the time I've known her, which is about 10 years now. I know at least 4 other women who are similar to her but not as gorgeous yet quite beautiful and they are all single. No lack of meetups, dating apps, etc. The dating pool seems to stink. None of my married friends met their SO in DC, now that I think about it.

If you look up places that rank cities in terms of health, DC is one of the least overweight cities in the country. That could be some of it?

However, I have plenty of single friends, of all shapes and sizes, who seem to have dating trouble in the DC area. I'm not sure exactly what to attribute it to, but I have a few theories. I think there area also sometimes things about some women that other women cannot pick up on, which totally turns off men. So, you'd probably need to focus group your friend in front of a group of men, not women.

You need to remember that women and men each look at different things when assessing women.

Anonymous wrote:I think DC sucks for dating period, it's not about weight. I know plenty of dream women who've been single for 8 years now. It's kinda insane.

Is that still the case? I know it was back when I was single in the 90s. Sometimes I think I settled because of it

I think DC sucks for dating period, it's not about weight. I know plenty of dream women who've been single for 8 years now. It's kinda insane.

She could try online dating and wait to relocate until there's an actual serious relationship.

I don't think DC is particularly exceptional about men being picky about weight. DC women, however are far pickier when it comes to education and career expectations in a potential partner.

Keep in mind that if she moves somewhere else, she might be able to find a guy who doesn't mind her weight, but she's probably going to have to be flexible on the socioeconomic stuff, unless she can find a fat software developer who makes decent money. Houston is a good town to find guys like this.

How long has it been?

In the Midwest they get married younger, before they gain weight.

I have a wonderful, intelligent, kind and outgoing friend. She has a pretty face and is perfect on paper; the only exception is that she is probably 50 lbs overweight. Is there something in the water in DC that makes guys here only want skinny women? Obviously there are millions of happily partnered women who happen to be fat. She had much better luck dating in other cities. Is DC a particularly difficult dating pool for overweight women, or is it just a coincidence that since moving here, she's had zero luck? She is well educated, makes a great salary, and is sexually open. She's kind of a "dream girl" so weight must be the only thing holding her back. Any insight from women who've been in her shoes? Would she do better is she relocated? She really wants marriage and a family. Or any insight from men? I'm on the verge of telling her to move to the Midwest.