Anonymous
Post 04/10/2017 13:19     Subject: Re:Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
For my ADHD-inattentive DS, appropriate social behavior all the time can be difficult. He has a slow processing speed, so he can be a few steps behind during a conversation. He likes to daydream. He will likely not pay attention long during a slow moving, uninteresting conversation.. He has a low working memory, so he sometimes forgets what was just said to him. He has an often overwhelming desire to talk about only what he wants to talk about because he's comfortable talking about it. When conversations and interactions progress in an unexpected way, it is difficult for DS to quickly call to mind how he should react and can end up yelling and crying. If you ask him after the fact what he should have done, he can tell you with no problems. But in the heat of the moment he often gets overwhelmed with other emotions and can't think quick enough. So, he's not immature. We work on his social behavior through Lunch Bunch at school, apps, and discussions at home. Previously, DS had more intensive behavioral therapy at school.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 18:13     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
Anonymous wrote:Anyone know the science behind this? Is it due to underdeveloped maturation + potentially annoying ( hyperactivity, impulsivity) behaviors ? Besides medication what helps ADHD kids improve their social skills/ social interactions?


Have you tried meds? Because they really can help. My son's best friend has ADHD and I finally realized that we can't have playdates with him on the weekends he is with his dad because his dad doesn't give him his meds. Off meds best friend cusses, breaks toys from being too rough, jumps on furniture and doesn't follow directions, and gets overly physically aggressive. I'm done shadowing two 8 year olds for hours so I can be sure best friend doesn't put my kid in a chokehold. And I LOVE best friend. Really a neat kid. His body is just always 5 steps ahead of his brain when he is off meds.

If meds alone are not enough, I suggest a social skills group focusing on social perspective taking and "social thinking". If you tell us where you are maybe people can recommend one.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 18:07     Subject: Re:Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
They don't attend to their social surrounding enough to pick up nuance.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 12:26     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
ADHD is not one disease, but a galaxy. There are also confusing co-morbidities that go along with ADHD in some patients.

Ex: my middle schooler has inattentive ADHD with Aspie tendencies. He has difficulty sustaining interest in others and is completely uncurious about human beings as social animals. However, in a group, he will seem to be integrated and appreciated, he will joke around and exchange pleasantries, and seem to be attuned. He makes acquaintances easily but not friends. Long-term, the impetus for friendship has to come from someone else, not him, and as a result, he makes few real friends, and keeps even fewer.

I know a former friend of his who has hyperactive ADHD and whose social difficulties lie in what you described: being generally over-excited, impulsive and easily aroused. However, this is a person who has no difficulty being empathetic and is genuinely interested in your life!

I have mild inattentive ADHD, some social anxiety, and have never had problems making friends. I just keep a small circle so that I can manage my life better.


My kid, 9, with Asperger's and ADHD, combined type, has zero interest in other people as people but has many friends, boys, and is "popular" all due to his common interests which I think is very normal for male friendships. Men bond by "doing stuff" together, sports, video games, logos, etc , not by talking about their feelings and being empathic like girls/women.


I think that's right, at least for kids with asperger's who are high functioning enough to read social cues so that they can do things like respect personal space and tolerate turn taking. My 9 year old daughter with asperger's and ADHD has a much harder time with friendships because girl friendships are based on small talk, conversation, and expressing interest in each other as people, all of which is very difficult for her.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 11:04     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
^kid with ADHD sometimes have trouble following the rules of the game, crying out of frustration, being impulsive, not being a good sport, or just not being good at the game which makes their peers not want to play with them.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 10:49     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
Anonymous wrote:
ADHD is not one disease, but a galaxy. There are also confusing co-morbidities that go along with ADHD in some patients.

Ex: my middle schooler has inattentive ADHD with Aspie tendencies. He has difficulty sustaining interest in others and is completely uncurious about human beings as social animals. However, in a group, he will seem to be integrated and appreciated, he will joke around and exchange pleasantries, and seem to be attuned. He makes acquaintances easily but not friends. Long-term, the impetus for friendship has to come from someone else, not him, and as a result, he makes few real friends, and keeps even fewer.

I know a former friend of his who has hyperactive ADHD and whose social difficulties lie in what you described: being generally over-excited, impulsive and easily aroused. However, this is a person who has no difficulty being empathetic and is genuinely interested in your life!

I have mild inattentive ADHD, some social anxiety, and have never had problems making friends. I just keep a small circle so that I can manage my life better.


My kid, 9, with Asperger's and ADHD, combined type, has zero interest in other people as people but has many friends, boys, and is "popular" all due to his common interests which I think is very normal for male friendships. Men bond by "doing stuff" together, sports, video games, logos, etc , not by talking about their feelings and being empathic like girls/women.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2017 10:22     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
It's a combination of executive functioning deficits (self monitoring) and ADHD (impulsivity, inattention, hyperactivity and hyper focus).

I think the degree of social problems depends on the relative strengths/ weaknesses of the particular child.

My DS is impulsive, hyper-focused and doesn't self monitor well (meaning he doesn't "read the room" and adjust his behavior accordingly). He definitely has issues with social pragmatics that required social skills therapy.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2017 22:50     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I dunno anything about this.

I'm severely ADHD and have a fairly thriving social life. About as good as it gets. I get complimented on my social/people skills often and have often worked in sales jobs. I find my ADHD was an advantage and most of my more popular friends have ADD or ADHD

So... I can't tell you. But practice and socializing will help any kid get better at social situations, if you're worried about that for your own child


LOL! Same here. I have ADHD and had a very busy social life when I was younger and single, jet setting socialite caliber. I was "charming", "bubbly" and "vivacious" all of which I realize now is part of my ADHD.

When I was a kid, the emotional meltdowns and the impulsivity was a problem like the pp describes. It's mostly about learning to channel the energy and making myself to be on time and act like a responsible adult that came with maturity that's helped the most.


That's exactly it! I am the PP and when the other PP posted, I was reminded of getting in trouble when I was little for talking too much in class, because of the impulsivity. Or sometimes misreading when people were upset because in my mind everything was cool, and I was a fairly easygoing child, so it was hard for me to imagine why, say, someone would be upset because they were scared of a dog, or whatever else

But all those things have served me in such good stead as an adult. The curiousness of people with ADHD, the adventurousness and easygoingness- that equates to popular as soon as you hit adulthood. Most of the most popular people, men and women, I have known have some kind of ADD.

So OP, if it's any consolation, most ADHD people I know have grown up to be very socially well adapted adults. Maybe a few bumps in the road, but nothing crazy or outside what normal kids go through as you learn to socialize and empathize and all that good stuff.


Same experience for my DD, she is very popular in college. She had a period of self doubt in hs, but mostly due to depression. What I observed with my dad, dh and dd is that they really do not have much interest in other people, yet people are drawn to them in obscene numbers. Go figure...
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2017 22:48     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
Anonymous wrote:Anyone know the science behind this? Is it due to underdeveloped maturation + potentially annoying ( hyperactivity, impulsivity) behaviors ? Besides medication what helps ADHD kids improve their social skills/ social interactions?


Kids learn social skills from their peers. If a child has difficulty in socializing appropriately, it can be a problem. Impulsivity is one issue. Often kids with ADHD can have a short fuse/frustration threshold. Or they can have issues with inflexibility. ADHD can affect executive functioning--so problem solving may be a weakness for some kids. ADHD can make some kids super chatty or others unable to follow threads of conversations. It really depends on the kid and how severely they are affected.

Try one-on-one play dates and a social skills group if your child is struggling.

Anonymous
Post 04/08/2017 22:20     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I dunno anything about this.

I'm severely ADHD and have a fairly thriving social life. About as good as it gets. I get complimented on my social/people skills often and have often worked in sales jobs. I find my ADHD was an advantage and most of my more popular friends have ADD or ADHD

So... I can't tell you. But practice and socializing will help any kid get better at social situations, if you're worried about that for your own child


LOL! Same here. I have ADHD and had a very busy social life when I was younger and single, jet setting socialite caliber. I was "charming", "bubbly" and "vivacious" all of which I realize now is part of my ADHD.

When I was a kid, the emotional meltdowns and the impulsivity was a problem like the pp describes. It's mostly about learning to channel the energy and making myself to be on time and act like a responsible adult that came with maturity that's helped the most.


That's exactly it! I am the PP and when the other PP posted, I was reminded of getting in trouble when I was little for talking too much in class, because of the impulsivity. Or sometimes misreading when people were upset because in my mind everything was cool, and I was a fairly easygoing child, so it was hard for me to imagine why, say, someone would be upset because they were scared of a dog, or whatever else

But all those things have served me in such good stead as an adult. The curiousness of people with ADHD, the adventurousness and easygoingness- that equates to popular as soon as you hit adulthood. Most of the most popular people, men and women, I have known have some kind of ADD.

So OP, if it's any consolation, most ADHD people I know have grown up to be very socially well adapted adults. Maybe a few bumps in the road, but nothing crazy or outside what normal kids go through as you learn to socialize and empathize and all that good stuff.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2017 22:16     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?

ADHD is not one disease, but a galaxy. There are also confusing co-morbidities that go along with ADHD in some patients.

Ex: my middle schooler has inattentive ADHD with Aspie tendencies. He has difficulty sustaining interest in others and is completely uncurious about human beings as social animals. However, in a group, he will seem to be integrated and appreciated, he will joke around and exchange pleasantries, and seem to be attuned. He makes acquaintances easily but not friends. Long-term, the impetus for friendship has to come from someone else, not him, and as a result, he makes few real friends, and keeps even fewer.

I know a former friend of his who has hyperactive ADHD and whose social difficulties lie in what you described: being generally over-excited, impulsive and easily aroused. However, this is a person who has no difficulty being empathetic and is genuinely interested in your life!

I have mild inattentive ADHD, some social anxiety, and have never had problems making friends. I just keep a small circle so that I can manage my life better.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2017 22:15     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
Anonymous wrote:I dunno anything about this.

I'm severely ADHD and have a fairly thriving social life. About as good as it gets. I get complimented on my social/people skills often and have often worked in sales jobs. I find my ADHD was an advantage and most of my more popular friends have ADD or ADHD

So... I can't tell you. But practice and socializing will help any kid get better at social situations, if you're worried about that for your own child


LOL! Same here. I have ADHD and had a very busy social life when I was younger and single, jet setting socialite caliber. I was "charming", "bubbly" and "vivacious" all of which I realize now is part of my ADHD.

When I was a kid, the emotional meltdowns and the impulsivity was a problem like the pp describes. It's mostly about learning to channel the energy and making myself to be on time and act like a responsible adult that came with maturity that's helped the most.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2017 22:08     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
Impulsivity. Not knowing when something's not funny anymore. Being the annoying kid (impulsivity plus need for movement, additional stimulation). My kid is great but he can be massively annoying and just totally miss social cues telling him to knock it off.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2017 22:08     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
I dunno anything about this.

I'm severely ADHD and have a fairly thriving social life. About as good as it gets. I get complimented on my social/people skills often and have often worked in sales jobs. I find my ADHD was an advantage and most of my more popular friends have ADD or ADHD

So... I can't tell you. But practice and socializing will help any kid get better at social situations, if you're worried about that for your own child
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2017 22:06     Subject: Why do kids with ADHD/ADD have such a hard time socially?
Anyone know the science behind this? Is it due to underdeveloped maturation + potentially annoying ( hyperactivity, impulsivity) behaviors ? Besides medication what helps ADHD kids improve their social skills/ social interactions?