Anonymous wrote:Just do separate birthday parties or don't go.

+1. Just have your wife go. You don't want her to miss out on her family's event.

Anonymous wrote:As the hostess, I would ask whomever you want, but let the problem partygoers know who else will be invited. Let them decide if they are adult enough to attend.

I would also let them know if the problem person was not attending so they could be comfortable accepting the invitation.

As the hostess, I would ask whomever you want, but let the problem partygoers know who else will be invited. Let them decide if they are adult enough to attend.

Anonymous wrote:I would say that any person who can't handle simply being around people they've argued with or dislike might need to stay home and get some help so they can learn to handle their mental illness/personality disorder/immaturity issues.

It's not that simple, pp. In our case, the relative attending has been abusive for years and the rest of the family condones it because he is wealthy.

We are facing the same dilemma in DH's family with an upcoming nephew's birthday. I think the best solution is for us to skip the large family party and take nephew out for a celebration another day.

I would say that any person who can't handle simply being around people they've argued with or dislike might need to stay home and get some help so they can learn to handle their mental illness/personality disorder/immaturity issues.

If you are the one with the problem, and you do not feel that you can control yourself and act like a mature adult at the celebration of someone else's birthday, then yes, you bow out.

Just do separate birthday parties or don't go.

If there are some ILs not getting along, should someone drop out of a birthday party? Like if my wife's family is getting together to celebrate a birthday and I am not happy with her brother in law, should I bow out? There was a big argument and no one is past it yet.