Every time they mention you visiting say "We just don't have the time off, why don't we schedule a time for you to come here? Larla would love to see you!".

Then they can say no. But it's all on them. Just repeat as needed "we just don't have the time off work, why don't you come here, I'll pay!". They'll get in eventually. Or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By "Grandparents" - - are these parents of you/DH or actual Grandparents for you? If they are parents you should travel to see them - I don't care how far away they live - once a year at least - regardless of how many times/or how easy it is for them to visit you.

They are my in-laws and my DH's parents. My DH does not like them, and I do not like them either, so that maybe provides a gloss to my question. They were physically abusive to him when he was growing up. They have not ever apologized or tried to make amends, and instead act like nothing ever happened -- it gets under my DH's skin. But I still feel like it's good for my kids to have a relationship with their grandparents.

FFS, then let them go. Let DH determine how often you see them, decide if they are worth the effort. It's just not your call. Focus on your own parents.

When we lived in DC, we flew to see my DH's parents once a year (after we had kids). Sometimes it would be twice a year, in which case DH would bring a kid with him (for a wedding or some other family event. Before kids, we went down there 2 times a year. His mom would fly to us once a year.

Now, we live near DH's parents (Sadly), and it is my parents who fly to us - 4 times a year! And we go to them 1 time a year.

Our parents come to us way more than we come to them, for which we are completely grateful. They are all retired, one set is 3 hours away, the other 11.

We use so much PTO for sick time that it helps a lot for the grandparents to come for long weekends. We're taking a trip to see the further away grandparents over spring break, which I think will continue as a tradition for the foreseeable future.

I would be more pointed with the Quebec grandparents. "We were thinking this summer would be a good time for you to come down. Is there a week that works for you?"

It will get easier as your kids get older. Toddler and a baby is just rough.

Well Op, you're ridiculous to drop this bomb shell on us now

Anonymous wrote:By "Grandparents" - - are these parents of you/DH or actual Grandparents for you? If they are parents you should travel to see them - I don't care how far away they live - once a year at least - regardless of how many times/or how easy it is for them to visit you.

They are my in-laws and my DH's parents. My DH does not like them, and I do not like them either, so that maybe provides a gloss to my question. They were physically abusive to him when he was growing up. They have not ever apologized or tried to make amends, and instead act like nothing ever happened -- it gets under my DH's skin. But I still feel like it's good for my kids to have a relationship with their grandparents.

My parents are in CA and ILs were in Southern VA (they both died a few years ago). When our kids were very little my parents would visit every 3 mos or so and I took them out there for 2-3 weeks in the summer (I was a SAHM then). Now that the kids are tweens my parents visit 1-2x/yr and we visit for a week about once a year.

ILs would not come up to see us so we'd go down there for a weekend maybe 3 times a year. If it had been my parents that close we'd probably have seen them at least once a month, either from them visiting here or us going there but my ILs just were not interested in us so I felt no compulsion to make frequent visits since it wasn't a priority for DH either.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, except its my DDs great grandparents. I dont get a lot of time off and Ive had 3 surgeries this year (csection, appendectomy, fixed hernia from csection) so Ive missed more work than I ever have in 9 years here. We are being guilt tripped to take fly our 9 month old out there before they die. We planned on going once she was a little older and I have a good stretch of not missing any work, but now that the guilt trip has been laid on thick, if they do pass, we are going to feel like total shit. Im not sure what to do.

I totally hijacked your thread, Im sorry

Ugh, I'm sorry. That pretty much sounds like you have to go. It's just such a sh**show to fly kids anywhere. The amount of luggage+carseats+strollers is astonishing.

By "Grandparents" - - are these parents of you/DH or actual Grandparents for you? If they are parents you should travel to see them - I don't care how far away they live - once a year at least - regardless of how many times/or how easy it is for them to visit you.

My parents passed away so I am a little biased, but I think you should see them as much as you reasonably can.

My kids are 3 and almost 6. We spend all family vacations and holidays with my in-laws. We travel to them twice a year (FL or MI depending on the season) and MIL comes to us generally every other month beyond that.

I'm in the same boat, except its my DDs great grandparents. I dont get a lot of time off and Ive had 3 surgeries this year (csection, appendectomy, fixed hernia from csection) so Ive missed more work than I ever have in 9 years here. We are being guilt tripped to take fly our 9 month old out there before they die. We planned on going once she was a little older and I have a good stretch of not missing any work, but now that the guilt trip has been laid on thick, if they do pass, we are going to feel like total shit. Im not sure what to do.

I totally hijacked your thread, Im sorry

DHs parents live in California and will not travel to see us at all. We visit them one week a year (usually the one vacation DH takes all year). I have more vacation time so I use my vacation time to see my family that live a few hours away by car (they also don't come see us). Sucks but it is what it is and tbh, we don't have money for real vacations anyways.

We use literally all our vacation time to visit family. I love my family and DH loves his; I figure this is what we signed up for when we moved far away.

My parents live in Florida and they only come see us as often as we see them. It's annoying. We usually go 2x a year.

Quebec really isn't that far and you could go for a 3-4 day weekend?

We have a 2.5 year old and an infant. One set of grandparents lives far away (Quebec) and they are retired. The other set lives a 20-minute drive away. The Quebec grandparents know that they are always welcome to visit, and we have a downstairs guest room and bathroom that they've used when they visit (usually once or twice a year). But Quebec grandparents are constantly harassing us to come to Quebec and see them. I work full time at a law firm and am lucky to get a week off the whole year (and usually I have to work part of the time during that week). DH's schedule is similar.

Do people really use the little vacation time that they have to go see grandparents? I'm trying to figure out whether I'm being unreasonable in not wanting to schlep the whole family to Quebec, when they could just come here literally any time they like. In fact, I would happily pay for their plane tickets (even though they are loaded). Advice?