Haha no sympathy here. Welcome to the world of men with SAHM's.

What a difficult situation that the two of you have innocently created, i.e. your logic that it made more sense for him to be home rather than you due to your career. Problem is in my estimation that DH has not been in the work force for over 11 years and has probably lost his confidence as men are prone to do when not employed and he is probably less employable now and will need to settle for a less desirable job. Also from how you describe his typical day he seems to be hiding from reality and what he does as a SAHM is hit or miss. I am not sure of why he didn't return to work after the 5-6 years that the two of you agreed upon which would have been less time out of the workforce. I would seek marital counseling which may reveal that your husband is depressed and feeling worthless underneath what appears to be laziness. Either way the two of you would benefit from having a third party help you devise a plan to reestablish roles and the division of work that goes into maintaining a marriage and family, if you are to continue to stay married. Right now both of you are resentful of each other. You both will probably have to compromise. Life is too short to waste it on resentment and bitterness and it affects your children's future happiness. My son is a SAHD getting ready to go back to work after 6 1/2 years and jobs available are looking pretty bleak so I am speaking from personal observation. Hugs to all of you.

If you don't get home until 8-9 pm then I'm assuming he's actually making dinner for himself and the kids every night.

Had one of those sahd husbands that wouldn't got back to work as we agreed. Been divorced 2 years now.

Anonymous wrote:OP, how is your sex life?

Op, this sounds gross but how much do you earn? What is this lifestyle you all have nice cars, landscaping people, cleaners? Omg I would never go back to work if my DW made over $250k and all she wanted daily hot meals, laundry nicely folded, errand runs like drycleaning and foot/back massages.

OP, how is your sex life?

I'm in a sexless marriage, so we are pretty much the same person.

Well, you obviously have things to discuss regarding the current situation, but if he goes back to work part- or full-time, have you discussed how your hours and travel will impact the family? Will you still travel? Will you cut back hours and be available for sick days or will he need to be the default parent without you changing anything at your job? These are just going to be vital things to think about! And talk about.

Anonymous wrote:Can't wait to see the advice dished out by the DCUM women on this one.

DCUM does not approve of SAH's who do not cook and clean, regardless of gender.

While you may have thought that he agreed to be a SAHD bc it made the most sense given finances/careers etc., I'm guessing he agreed bc he isn't a hard working guy and it got him out of answering to a boss, getting to work on time etc. I'm sure the baby years were tough, but now he's probably enjoying the fruits of his labor - chilling all day. I mean a grown man with elementary aged kids who are gone all day can't do a few loads of laundry per week and pick up take out?? He's lazy and you're bankrolling his lifestyle.

Not sure what you can do though besides fight about it. Would the approach of - I've worked really hard and want to switch jobs down to a 40 hr/wk job so what can you do to bring in some additional income - be workable?

There was a very similar post a few months ago. Search this forum as I recall there being some useful advice. And there are also frequent threads on this but about SAHMs. There will be useful advice there too. You'll get some quick answers by reading those threads.

Can't wait to see the advice dished out by the DCUM women on this one.

Troll

Shoot him

So before we had kids we agreed that DH would stay home until they were in school full time. It was a decision based on the fact that I had a career with upward mobility, whereas his was more of a job where it isn't as detrimental long term to leave for a while; the fact that my job requires travel in order to move up and we knew it would be awful for both of us to work F/T with me traveling and no one being there for our child; and temperament - he's better at parenting than I am and we always knew that'd be the case.

We agreed - home for about 5-6 yrs, after which we'd get a nanny etc. (finances wouldn't be a huge issue). So fast forward 11 yrs and DH is STILL home. 2 kids - both in full time school so they're gone all day long. They are also now old enough that they want to play sports, do activities, go to summer camps for some part of the summer - so it's not even like they are running home the minute school ends. DH OTOH spends his time video gaming; watching TV ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I don't expect that bc he's home, he should do all the housework - but I do expect him in taking the lead re dinner, laundry, and errands (we have a cleaning person - so it's not like I'm expecting him to be scrubbing the bathroom). Even then - with the kids gone 30-40 hrs/wk, I'd say he takes care of dinner, laundry and errands maybe 1/2 the time - and that's when I nag; and by dinner - I mean picking up take out, I'm not expecting him to whip up a 4 course meal. In the meantime I work about 50-60 hrs a wk, usually getting home around 8-9 pm, and travel a fair amount.

I've brought up returning to work and he is hemming and hawing. Finally it comes out today that he doesn't want to go back to any kind of regular office 40 hr/wk job with a set schedule. This isn't about money - we can be fine with him being a SAHD - but am I wrong in being a bit resentful that he doesn't WANT a job tying him down? I don't particularly WANT to work 60 hrs/wk either - yet I do it bc I know that's what it takes to pay the mortgage/bills, save for retirement/college etc. WWYD?