Anonymous wrote:This is exactly why we can't have an open dialogue about these things. Op is asking what seems like a genuine question and posters are insisting that she is being rude or otherwise uncouth for wanting to know what pronoun to use for someone.

I agree. Obviously OP meant "refer to" when she wrote "address". This tendency to crucify people for grammatical errors is super annoying.

To answer the question, if you've been using a pronoun, and haven't been corrected keep using until told otherwise. So, if you've worked with someone for years, and they have gone by "he", but now you're noticing changes in hair and clothes and mannerisms that make you wonder if you should use "she"? Keep using "he" until the individual, or someone you are confident speaks for them tells you other wise.

If this is a person you've never met, then I'd listen closely to what other people use, and copy them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, give an example of an exchange where you wouldn't know what to say because you're unsure of the person's gender.

Type it like a script.
ME: blah blah blah
PERSON: blah blah blah
ME:

We'll wait.

Not op, but there are many times when it isn't intuitive to say the persons name but is more natural to use a pronoun. Obviously, you would have to catch yourself before using an incorrect pronoun but let's not pretend that it would be easier to just know what pronoun they prefer.

The OP seems to be asking about speaking to the person directly. There is no need to use him/her in the middle of that conversation. If talking about the person to a third person, the OP can use they/their, or just the person's name.

Anonymous wrote:OP, give an example of an exchange where you wouldn't know what to say because you're unsure of the person's gender.

Type it like a script.
ME: blah blah blah
PERSON: blah blah blah
ME:

We'll wait.

Not op, but there are many times when it isn't intuitive to say the persons name but is more natural to use a pronoun. Obviously, you would have to catch yourself before using an incorrect pronoun but let's not pretend that it would be easier to just know what pronoun they prefer.

This is exactly why we can't have an open dialogue about these things. Op is asking what seems like a genuine question and posters are insisting that she is being rude or otherwise uncouth for wanting to know what pronoun to use for someone.

OP, give an example of an exchange where you wouldn't know what to say because you're unsure of the person's gender.

Type it like a script.
ME: blah blah blah
PERSON: blah blah blah
ME:

We'll wait.

If you're talking to a person (in English), the only pronoun you need is "you." I assume you don't refer to most people as "sir" or "ma'am."

You say "Hello."

You address trans* people the same way you address anyone. With respect. And not by staring at them.

You don't have to know. Call them by name or "they/them" pronoun, unless corrected. (I'm a grammar snob, and it took me a while to come around to "they/them" as a singular.)

I think most people prefer to be addressed by their names.

How do others address this person?

[u]there is a person i run into daily whom i am unsure if she / he is a woman tranforming into a man or vice versus. how do i know. it's very confusing.