Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Male here. These posts make it appear as if finding a FWB is as simple as grabbing one from your neighborhood grocery store. Perhaps it is. But an uninitiated like me could use some advice on going about it on finding a FWB or AP.

I dunno - I think it depends on your situation in life. I am also a male - I'm happily married - but I got divorced in my late 30s after a 14 year marriage, and I met tons of women who were 35-45 who were not looking for a dad for their kids, marriage or a serious commitment. They were interested in a friendship (with boundaries and space) which included sex. They wanted someone for date-nights and occasional activities (including sex) but no serious relationship/involvement. I was looking for a long-term relationship (marriage and kids) so I passed, but there were lots of women like this, who didn't want ONSes. If I somehow wound up single again (as a parent) I'd be 100% about this.

But, where do you meet such tons of women interested in friendship (with boundaries and space) which includes sex? I would think that the workplace is a no-go for this sort of engagement. Also, professional and other commitments reduce opportunities for systematic pursuits such as dating. I am happy to quench the thirst or scratch the itch as with the OP from time to time in a safe NSA way, but would not want anything more. It will be nice to meet professionally well set women with similar itch and time/desire for no more.

I agree with the PP that evolutionarily, the odds favor women more than men at this, but how do you maximize odds for men in an otherwise unfavorably stacked situation?

I met them on OkCupid and Match. I'm not super rich or super good-looking, and I met plenty of women like this. They weren't advertising for "friends" - they were looking to date - and it was only after a few dates that it became clear they didn't want to get serious in terms of super-long-term, but were up for sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Male here. These posts make it appear as if finding a FWB is as simple as grabbing one from your neighborhood grocery store. Perhaps it is. But an uninitiated like me could use some advice on going about it on finding a FWB or AP.

I dunno - I think it depends on your situation in life. I am also a male - I'm happily married - but I got divorced in my late 30s after a 14 year marriage, and I met tons of women who were 35-45 who were not looking for a dad for their kids, marriage or a serious commitment. They were interested in a friendship (with boundaries and space) which included sex. They wanted someone for date-nights and occasional activities (including sex) but no serious relationship/involvement. I was looking for a long-term relationship (marriage and kids) so I passed, but there were lots of women like this, who didn't want ONSes. If I somehow wound up single again (as a parent) I'd be 100% about this.

But, where do you meet such tons of women interested in friendship (with boundaries and space) which includes sex? I would think that the workplace is a no-go for this sort of engagement. Also, professional and other commitments reduce opportunities for systematic pursuits such as dating. I am happy to quench the thirst or scratch the itch as with the OP from time to time in a safe NSA way, but would not want anything more. It will be nice to meet professionally well set women with similar itch and time/desire for no more.

I agree with the PP that evolutionarily, the odds favor women more than men at this, but how do you maximize odds for men in an otherwise unfavorably stacked situation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a FWB and scratch that itch. I didn't think I was made out for a purely sexual relationship either but it turns out that was just what I needed. Early 40's, recently divorced too. Missed sex, had no desire to recouple or become emotionally attached to anyone. It's been a few months and it's working out fabulously.

Male here. These posts make it appear as if finding a FWB is as simple as grabbing one from your neighborhood grocery store. Perhaps it is. But an uninitiated like me could use some advice on going about it on finding a FWB or AP.

For women it is many times easier to find a FWB than for a man. Been that way since the caveman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a FWB and scratch that itch. I didn't think I was made out for a purely sexual relationship either but it turns out that was just what I needed. Early 40's, recently divorced too. Missed sex, had no desire to recouple or become emotionally attached to anyone. It's been a few months and it's working out fabulously.

Male here. These posts make it appear as if finding a FWB is as simple as grabbing one from your neighborhood grocery store. Perhaps it is. But an uninitiated like me could use some advice on going about it on finding a FWB or AP.

I dunno - I think it depends on your situation in life. I am also a male - I'm happily married - but I got divorced in my late 30s after a 14 year marriage, and I met tons of women who were 35-45 who were not looking for a dad for their kids, marriage or a serious commitment. They were interested in a friendship (with boundaries and space) which included sex. They wanted someone for date-nights and occasional activities (including sex) but no serious relationship/involvement. I was looking for a long-term relationship (marriage and kids) so I passed, but there were lots of women like this, who didn't want ONSes. If I somehow wound up single again (as a parent) I'd be 100% about this.

I met mine on Bumble. Maybe he's more a NSA than a FWB? We went out on a few dates, had a great time and it progressed into sex. Now we only meet for sex. Pretty much stopped actually hanging out or doing anything that didn't end up back in the bedroom. I like him in that he's a nice enough guy but I have zero emotional attachment to him whatsoever. It's working so far (been a few months) but I think I'm going to get bored with it. It is fulfilling sexually but I do find myself missing the intellectual and emotional attachment a bit (he is not a candidate for either). We've never discussed "us" or our status. But we both know what's
going to happen when we get together and I'm pretty sure we both know it would never go any further.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a FWB and scratch that itch. I didn't think I was made out for a purely sexual relationship either but it turns out that was just what I needed. Early 40's, recently divorced too. Missed sex, had no desire to recouple or become emotionally attached to anyone. It's been a few months and it's working out fabulously.

Male here. These posts make it appear as if finding a FWB is as simple as grabbing one from your neighborhood grocery store. Perhaps it is. But an uninitiated like me could use some advice on going about it on finding a FWB or AP.

It is actually not easy. One has to find someone they like enough to see on a continual basis and that person has to be on board as well. Very often feelings get involved and it becomes dramatic or painful.

I'm a woman and this is precisely why I don't have one. I'd certainly enjoy regular sex, but fear getting feelings for the person and just can't bring myself to do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a FWB and scratch that itch. I didn't think I was made out for a purely sexual relationship either but it turns out that was just what I needed. Early 40's, recently divorced too. Missed sex, had no desire to recouple or become emotionally attached to anyone. It's been a few months and it's working out fabulously.

Male here. These posts make it appear as if finding a FWB is as simple as grabbing one from your neighborhood grocery store. Perhaps it is. But an uninitiated like me could use some advice on going about it on finding a FWB or AP.

It is actually not easy. One has to find someone they like enough to see on a continual basis and that person has to be on board as well. Very often feelings get involved and it becomes dramatic or painful.

Anonymous wrote:Find a FWB and scratch that itch. I didn't think I was made out for a purely sexual relationship either but it turns out that was just what I needed. Early 40's, recently divorced too. Missed sex, had no desire to recouple or become emotionally attached to anyone. It's been a few months and it's working out fabulously.

Male here. These posts make it appear as if finding a FWB is as simple as grabbing one from your neighborhood grocery store. Perhaps it is. But an uninitiated like me could use some advice on going about it on finding a FWB or AP.

PPs, how did you find such guys?

Same situation for me. FWB could work but it is also very emotionally painful if you do get attached-which I did. It became very painful to carry on and/or break off. I wasn't made for unemotional sex.

After my divorce I too missed having sex (was lousy for 2 years prior!) but not enough to just hop in bed with someone. At the same time I wasn't waiting for a deep emotional connection to hop in bed with someone. If I like a guy after 2-3 dates I'm game. I've been divorced for almost two years and have been with 5 guys and it's been fun. The variety has been quite adventuresome but I would like to get into a LTR.

Anonymous wrote:Early 40s female here, divorce very recent.

I am not lonely per se but I miss having sex. I don't think I am made out to have a purely sexual relationship. Any advice from women who have been there.

let's get a drink

Find a FWB and scratch that itch. I didn't think I was made out for a purely sexual relationship either but it turns out that was just what I needed. Early 40's, recently divorced too. Missed sex, had no desire to recouple or become emotionally attached to anyone. It's been a few months and it's working out fabulously.

Date and have sex. It scratches the itch and is pulling me back to being the wonderful person I was until marriage ruined me.

Early 40s female here, divorce very recent.

I am not lonely per se but I miss having sex. I don't think I am made out to have a purely sexual relationship. Any advice from women who have been there.