Anonymous
Post 03/20/2017 08:27     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
Wife picks the house, husband gets veto power.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2017 08:24     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
If you are going into this with a more practical eye and your husband is the one that wants some house bling - then tell him your budget and let him find a house. Seriously.

Let the picky one do the work. When he finds something he likes he can tell you about it, you can go look at it and if it meets your basics and is in your budget - go for it.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2017 08:20     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
Our first home it took us 1.5 years to find and agree on it in MA. That agent definitely earned his commission...

Second home I was in DC alone and wife was back in MA (I was in charge of finding us a home and she was in charge of selling our home... divide and conquer). I found us a home within 1 month and close within 2.... My wife absolutely hate the house and we will probably sell and move again sooner than later.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2017 08:08     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
DH and I LOVE house shopping! We have a running list of the non-negotiables that we agree on and a budget and we do not deviate.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2017 07:50     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
Yes, it is this hard for everyone. It's a huge emotional, lifestyle, and financial investment.

The HGTV effect doesn't help.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2017 07:37     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
What's your budget and where are your commutes to? There are lots of locals on here who might have some neighborhood ideas you haven't thought of.

Anonymous
Post 03/20/2017 07:31     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
Yes! You are not alone. DH and I had a really stressful real estate experience and were at each other's throats. We ended up doing the above and stretching budget to the max. I wantec good schools and to keep budget in check; he had a laundry list of amenities.. in the end we compromised- he got 3 of his must haves, I got school - our budget is blown.


we fought over everything from whether to listen to realtor to packing boxes. We move in a week. Hopefully things calm down post move
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2017 07:03     Subject: Re:The stress of house hunting with a spouse
My spouse and I originally bought in MD. That was a starter home. It was very affordable and we loved being able to walk to everything. Fast foward 3 years later, we had our son. We knew the schools in our area were horrible so after two years of day care we decided to move to DC. My spouse was not crazy about the idea at all because he wanted to look at schools in Bethesda. After doing a test-run move into DC by renting, our son got into our first choice public charter school, we then compelled us to consider staying in DC permanently. We then looked for our forever home. We looked, gave up, looked again. We ended up buying in the dead of winter, got a really good deal for a house and now living through renovations. IT's tough. Come up with a target budget and know what your ceiling is. It's very stressful so try not to rush for deadlines. It's best when you have plenty of time (6 months to a year) to find that forever house. We ended up breaking our lease but didnt worry about the penalty because we had no pressure to buy the instant moment.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2017 05:42     Subject: Re:The stress of house hunting with a spouse
Moving and large purchases are two of the most stressful things in a marriage so what you're going through is normal. It took DH and me three years to find a place we liked because it took me that long to convince him to stretch our budget. In the end, the relationship matters more than any logistics or investment projects so just do your best on pushing him toward your side of the scale without breaking the relationship.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2017 23:12     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
Sorry for the typos!
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2017 23:11     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse

It's a reflection of the health of your marriage, honestly, OP. Most people skate through the routine of their lives without realizing their marriage may need work, until these things come up, like buying a house in a hot market, or a sudden illness or job loss, and pushes them into truly interacting with one another in a different way.

We have to sit down and refocus your priorities. Make a list of needs and wants, locations and price range.
Then take the list and visit only houses in those locations and price range. Whittle it own accoring to whether they have your "needs". Choose the one which also has some "wants".

And keep in mind that renting is so much better than buying if you haven't found something you both like!
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2017 23:08     Subject: Re:The stress of house hunting with a spouse
My husband and I have been looking since last August, it is really stressful and we lost out on a house literally because he dragged his feet, which is really frustrating. What has helped us is agreeing on paper to size, outdoor areas, location, etc so at least we have a baseline.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2017 22:50     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this belongs here or in the Relationships forum, but here goes. Dh (military) and I are finally going to buy a house after 10 years of marriage. We've got two kids, so we're juggling schools, commute needs, floor plans that work for our family, etc. All this in the hot NoVa market. It just seems like every crack in our marriage is getting magnified 100 times over! I'm being the optimist, sure we'll find something, he's a pessimist, if we don't pick something now we'll end up homeless in July. I just want a solid house with a good floor plan, he wants something "more than a box" with some kind of HGTV worthy features that he'd be proud to show his friends and family. I'm the tightwad with money, he wants to blow up the budget (but stay within his BAH, which is its own conflict). It just feels ridiculously hard to even discuss it - one day he's pushing me to pick something from the first five houses we've seen, two days later he's rejecting my first choice to instead argue for a house that seems like a total disaster to me. And instead of just saying he doesn't like my first choice, he goes off on a tangent about it having a sump pump, as if we have to reject every house that has one.

Its driving me nuts! Is it this hard for everybody?


Ummmm sump pumps can save your basement.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2017 22:50     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
All good houses have a sump pump, in fact it's required by code for all new homes. I would bite the bullet and blow up the budget, it would make everyone happier.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2017 22:49     Subject: The stress of house hunting with a spouse
I don't know if this belongs here or in the Relationships forum, but here goes. Dh (military) and I are finally going to buy a house after 10 years of marriage. We've got two kids, so we're juggling schools, commute needs, floor plans that work for our family, etc. All this in the hot NoVa market. It just seems like every crack in our marriage is getting magnified 100 times over! I'm being the optimist, sure we'll find something, he's a pessimist, if we don't pick something now we'll end up homeless in July. I just want a solid house with a good floor plan, he wants something "more than a box" with some kind of HGTV worthy features that he'd be proud to show his friends and family. I'm the tightwad with money, he wants to blow up the budget (but stay within his BAH, which is its own conflict). It just feels ridiculously hard to even discuss it - one day he's pushing me to pick something from the first five houses we've seen, two days later he's rejecting my first choice to instead argue for a house that seems like a total disaster to me. And instead of just saying he doesn't like my first choice, he goes off on a tangent about it having a sump pump, as if we have to reject every house that has one.

Its driving me nuts! Is it this hard for everybody?