Can you set up bunk beds in the kid bedroom, so it feels more like his room, too? Maybe posters in similar situations with visiting DSCs can give you tips about how to make him feel more integrated. Maybe there are some traditions you can start for things you do or eat or whatever when he is there, so you have some of "turf," so to speak, that's about him.

OP, are you the OP of the thread asking if people make kids play together? Your DSS always wants to play with DD and she doesn't want to play with him? PLEASE, get help for your family--some family counseling or something. This kids is SO DESPERATE to feel like a part of the family.

I should have named my sons, Peat and Repeat. The little one is always copying the older one.

My sister and I used to copy each other all the time. My kids copy each other. I think it is a playful way that kids might try to engage each other.

We also raise our kids differently than his mom and have a different household structure so I bet it's also difficult for him to transition between the two.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In your opinion, what can we do to make him feel more comfortable? Do we let him continue to copy DD and then maybe eventually he feels comfortable? Though he's been doing it for years and hasn't stopped so I'm not sure if that's the best approach.

OP, I had the same reaction. When I had foster kids, this is exactly what the new one would do. I remember feeling happy that there were kids to copy from so they felt like they knew how to behave in my house and I remember feeling really happy when it stopped because they then felt like they were home.

With your DSS, does he have his own space and his own things in your house or does he live out of a suitcase? Can he get snacks out of the refrigerator or pantry without asking?

This is a great viewpoint and I commend you for opening your home to foster children. DSS doesn't have his own room (we only have a two bedroom town home for now) but does have his own toys, clothes, etc. He prefers to play with DD's toys...maybe because she's playing with them too. Of course he's "allowed" to get snacks on his own but I do notice he will normally only get something if DD gets it first. You guys are really opening my eyes. I never thought about him being uncomfortable or not feeling settled or at home at our place. Can't believe I've been so blind to this.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In your opinion, what can we do to make him feel more comfortable? Do we let him continue to copy DD and then maybe eventually he feels comfortable? Though he's been doing it for years and hasn't stopped so I'm not sure if that's the best approach.

OP, I had the same reaction. When I had foster kids, this is exactly what the new one would do. I remember feeling happy that there were kids to copy from so they felt like they knew how to behave in my house and I remember feeling really happy when it stopped because they then felt like they were home.

With your DSS, does he have his own space and his own things in your house or does he live out of a suitcase? Can he get snacks out of the refrigerator or pantry without asking?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In your opinion, what can we do to make him feel more comfortable? Do we let him continue to copy DD and then maybe eventually he feels comfortable? Though he's been doing it for years and hasn't stopped so I'm not sure if that's the best approach.

He is over twice a month. That's not enough time to really feel secure in your place in the family. Have him stay for longer periods of time and more weekends.

OP here. I do agree, and we long for more time with him. Unfortunately, his mom isn't the most cooperative, so it's been hard.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In your opinion, what can we do to make him feel more comfortable? Do we let him continue to copy DD and then maybe eventually he feels comfortable? Though he's been doing it for years and hasn't stopped so I'm not sure if that's the best approach.

He is over twice a month. That's not enough time to really feel secure in your place in the family. Have him stay for longer periods of time and more weekends.

OP here. In your opinion, what can we do to make him feel more comfortable? Do we let him continue to copy DD and then maybe eventually he feels comfortable? Though he's been doing it for years and hasn't stopped so I'm not sure if that's the best approach.

You had a baby with someone who had a two year old with someone else?

I would guess he's trying to feel as ingratiated in your household as he feels she is.

Anonymous wrote:If he is not there that often, he's trying to figure out what is ok and when to do it in your home. I would be concerned he doesn't know the expectations or is not comfortable at your home.

OP here. Interesting perspective. Thank you!

If he is not there that often, he's trying to figure out what is ok and when to do it in your home. I would be concerned he doesn't know the expectations or is not comfortable at your home.

DD is 5 and DSS (dear stepson...not sure if that's the right acronym lol) is 7. When he comes over, he copies everything DD does. If she takes her socks off, he takes his off. If she cracks her window down in the car, he does the same thing. If she goes upstairs, he goes upstairs. DSS only comes over every other weekend, so we don't have tons of experience having more than one kid 24/7. Is this normal for sibs?