Anonymous
Post 03/12/2017 00:37     Subject: Re:Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but I kind of agree with you. DH is in sales and always exceeds his quota and is one of the top producers in his office. He wins national contests and by all means is successful at what he does. But he's 41 and only some years cracks 200K and that's barely. That is nothing to sneeze at but there serious money to be made if you're a talented salesman. He always wants to put everything off because he doesn't have consistent income and doesn't know if it will be a good/bad month/year. I work full time and he always promised me I could go part time (4 days/week) this coming year (childcare costs go down) due to my health issues but he reneged again because even though he's having a great year this year he can't predict next year. If I'm realistic it's never going to happen because he's never going to feel comfortable with me reducing my salary by 20% with his income as an unknown. Btw 20% of my income is $14K/year. Not pocket change but not life changing money either. I think part of it is ego--he'd rather have "success" where he is now and is highly regarded vs. go somewhere else and risk not being viewed as talented and successful and BMOC .

I hear about people in sales raking it in and wonder why DH isn't pursuing positions like those. I think it's fear of failure but because of that it impacts all of our lives due to it being so up and down. He's always seeking a huge year but it doesn't pan out. If it did he'd be constantly seeking it again and being pissy when it didn't happen. Honestly if he's never going to seek a position with higher risk/reward I'd rather him take a job with like a 150K salary and call it a day so we can at least budget accurately and we can base decisions on known vs. unknown. He refuses because he says he only wants to be in sales but it affects the whole family. He's great when he gets a deal and then we have to walk on eggshells when he's having a bad streak. I'm over it.


Exactly what type of sales makes the serious money?
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2017 00:28     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Men: Do not marry women who come from higher socioeconomic backgrounds than yourself. They are spoiled and will never appreciate you.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2017 00:27     Subject: Re:Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but I kind of agree with you. DH is in sales and always exceeds his quota and is one of the top producers in his office. He wins national contests and by all means is successful at what he does. But he's 41 and only some years cracks 200K and that's barely. That is nothing to sneeze at but there serious money to be made if you're a talented salesman. He always wants to put everything off because he doesn't have consistent income and doesn't know if it will be a good/bad month/year. I work full time and he always promised me I could go part time (4 days/week) this coming year (childcare costs go down) due to my health issues but he reneged again because even though he's having a great year this year he can't predict next year. If I'm realistic it's never going to happen because he's never going to feel comfortable with me reducing my salary by 20% with his income as an unknown. Btw 20% of my income is $14K/year. Not pocket change but not life changing money either. I think part of it is ego--he'd rather have "success" where he is now and is highly regarded vs. go somewhere else and risk not being viewed as talented and successful and BMOC .

I hear about people in sales raking it in and wonder why DH isn't pursuing positions like those. I think it's fear of failure but because of that it impacts all of our lives due to it being so up and down. He's always seeking a huge year but it doesn't pan out. If it did he'd be constantly seeking it again and being pissy when it didn't happen. Honestly if he's never going to seek a position with higher risk/reward I'd rather him take a job with like a 150K salary and call it a day so we can at least budget accurately and we can base decisions on known vs. unknown. He refuses because he says he only wants to be in sales but it affects the whole family. He's great when he gets a deal and then we have to walk on eggshells when he's having a bad streak. I'm over it.


You are complaining about a husband who makes $200k?
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2017 00:24     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
You should have been honest about what your requirements are from a husband: he must outearn you and have a high status career. You don't respect men who are not providers. Don't pretend to be someone who you are not.

So many women lie to themselves about being "not materialistic" when they absolutely are, and then they end up with a guy who doesn't care about money, and hate him for it.

Don't marry potential. If your fiance is not where you need him to be, career-wise, right now -- not ten years from now -- then don't get married.

Other people will tell you that you are wrong for being materialistic, but I won't bother. It's like telling a shark not to bite things. You can't help it.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2017 00:18     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
If you both are working, one would assume HHI is $120-160K or more so I'm confused at why you can't buy a house. We have a very small house but it works and is comfortable. It sounds like there is more to the story and you need to get your spending/savings under control. You can make it work if you tried.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2017 00:16     Subject: Re:Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
I hate to say it but I kind of agree with you. DH is in sales and always exceeds his quota and is one of the top producers in his office. He wins national contests and by all means is successful at what he does. But he's 41 and only some years cracks 200K and that's barely. That is nothing to sneeze at but there serious money to be made if you're a talented salesman. He always wants to put everything off because he doesn't have consistent income and doesn't know if it will be a good/bad month/year. I work full time and he always promised me I could go part time (4 days/week) this coming year (childcare costs go down) due to my health issues but he reneged again because even though he's having a great year this year he can't predict next year. If I'm realistic it's never going to happen because he's never going to feel comfortable with me reducing my salary by 20% with his income as an unknown. Btw 20% of my income is $14K/year. Not pocket change but not life changing money either. I think part of it is ego--he'd rather have "success" where he is now and is highly regarded vs. go somewhere else and risk not being viewed as talented and successful and BMOC .

I hear about people in sales raking it in and wonder why DH isn't pursuing positions like those. I think it's fear of failure but because of that it impacts all of our lives due to it being so up and down. He's always seeking a huge year but it doesn't pan out. If it did he'd be constantly seeking it again and being pissy when it didn't happen. Honestly if he's never going to seek a position with higher risk/reward I'd rather him take a job with like a 150K salary and call it a day so we can at least budget accurately and we can base decisions on known vs. unknown. He refuses because he says he only wants to be in sales but it affects the whole family. He's great when he gets a deal and then we have to walk on eggshells when he's having a bad streak. I'm over it.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2017 00:14     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
You are a greedy materialistic pig.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2017 00:05     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
I seriously don't get this. OP, hate yourself for not investing in the skills necessary to provide for yourself in the way that you'd like. It's not 1950.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 23:58     Subject: Re:Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
You bet on the wrong horse. It happens. Give serious thought to how you can increase your income if you want that lifestyle.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 23:15     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Anonymous wrote:Maybe you would earn more in DC if you could speak and write English properly ?


Not OP here. FFS PEOPLE TYPE ON THEIR PHONES.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 23:14     Subject: Re:Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
I am kind of in a similar situation. My husband is in a govt job that gives him a lot of flexibility, but doesn't have the best earning potential, which is particularly annoying because he has a lot of student debt and I hate having any sort of debt (I paid grad school loans and car loans off). After a long time being upset about this, and wishing we had more, I finally realized that there are a lot of things he brings to the table. I value those now as much as the money he brings (I earn more). Admittedly, I was raised in a family where my dad was the sole provider so it took some adjusting. I would encourage you to look at what positives he brings to the relationship.

You may also want to meet with a financial planner to set savings goals you can both work towards so you can get into a house.



Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 23:14     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Maybe you would earn more in DC if you could speak and write English properly ?
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 23:11     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
And 5 years from now when you've harassed him into taking the soul crushing corporate job and he works 65 hours a week, you'll have an affair and leave him because his personality has changed and he spends too much time working.
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 23:11     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
Wow, that's tough.
Focus on the good things you do have. Money is highly overrated. Why do you think you have to live in an expensive house/area
Anonymous
Post 03/11/2017 23:06     Subject: Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it
We are both high achievers. He went to under grad and grad school at ivies but after few years opted for a gov job. I am 7 years younger but out warning him. We have two kids. He said when we were contemplating marriage that if we ever needed him to he would go into private practice and earn more. Fast forward 10years and we are still in dumpy apartment w two kids. I'm at my max earning potential. He refuses to leave gov job because he gets off on being on the "good side" and not being told what to do. I can't host family or send my kids to the local school, am up to my eyeballs in toys, and feel like total failure. Would leave DC any time but he refuses. I naively thought by the time we were at this point we would have household income that would buy decent house in decent school district. We are no where near that. I guess I'm venting.