Anonymous wrote:I think the truth is less extreme. The dcurbanmom extreme savers like to think everyone else is poor. More likely they have some savings but don't necessarily max out their retirement accounts the full amount each year and have a smaller emergency fund.

+1

Sounds like those NYC folks you all know are really enjoying life and not waiting until they're 70 to enjoy themselves. Nothing wrong with that. I doubt these people will be living solely off SS and Medicare in retirement.

I think the truth is less extreme. The dcurbanmom extreme savers like to think everyone else is poor. More likely they have some savings but don't necessarily max out their retirement accounts the full amount each year and have a smaller emergency fund.

Anonymous wrote:
I would hazard a guess that the people who don't save a little something right away are the people who have had curve-balls thrown their way - you say that's not the case, but you don't really know, do you? They might not want to share that with you. Some curve-balls involve very personal details.

Then you also get a few overly self-assured types who are paid so well they don't feel they need a 401K.

This describes the types I know in NY. They make a lot and spend it all. Too good for a 401k. Probably turn their noses down and someone who lives in a suburb or a flyover city. Yet they don't even have the cash for a downpayment on the house in the flyover city.

I would hazard a guess that the people who don't save a little something right away are the people who have had curve-balls thrown their way - you say that's not the case, but you don't really know, do you? They might not want to share that with you. Some curve-balls involve very personal details.

Then you also get a few overly self-assured types who are paid so well they don't feel they need a 401K.

Anonymous wrote:I have absolutely no idea about the mechanics of my friends personal finance decisions. What shocks me is how so many posters seem to be CPAs for their peer groups and have such intimate knowledge of their income and asset allocations. Ive never in 38 yesrs of life gotten into anyone elses finances.

People talk about it. I've never asked and never share. Yet I've definitely run across 38 yr olds who'll volunteer that they really need to start saving for retirement now that their loans are paid off or whatever. That being said it's NEVER friends - it's people who I don't know as well/don't socialize with like distant coworkers - I think it's easier to "share" that kind of info with a near stranger who doesn't care than with a close friend who is going to go home, tell her DH and discuss with him how #blessed they are to have been maxing out since age 22 on top of their family trust funds.

I don't know this much about my friends' finances. They never discuss their 401ks and savings.

I have absolutely no idea about the mechanics of my friends personal finance decisions. What shocks me is how so many posters seem to be CPAs for their peer groups and have such intimate knowledge of their income and asset allocations. Ive never in 38 yesrs of life gotten into anyone elses finances.

Anonymous wrote:Feels like people on this board and others always talk about how they made tradeoffs (smaller house; or larger house but further out; 1 car etc.) in order to be able to fully fund a 401k or save for a down payment, kids' college etc. - while their friends aren't doing that. My question - how many professionals do you really know who are living large -- fancy rentals; lots of vacations/date nights/eating out -- while foregoing things like 401ks? And I specifically mean well paid professionals - not people who are paycheck to paycheck in such a way that they couldn't fund 18k into a 401k even if they wanted to. I suspect some of this is common for people in their 20s - bc you graduate from college, start getting paid, and go nuts for a bit; but amongst 30 somethings?

Most of my friends are in NYC though some are here - and of all those people I literally know 1 couple like this. Even amongst the NYC folks - who people always say don't save anything, don't prioritize home ownership and just live to take vacations and eat out 6 nights/wk. Maybe I run with a more "conservative" crowd? People take nice vacations etc. but nothing over the top. Most people own their own places; those that don't, don't own bc they anticipate moving for jobs etc. but I expect they'd be in the position to buy whenever they wanted; people don't specifically talk about their 401ks but my friends seem responsible enough that I can't imagine they aren't saving at all. I literally know 1 couple that is the definition of the crazy NYC couple -- living in a 4 million apartment where I suspect the down payment came from a wealthy Asian family overseas (though not the full cost bc they complain about the mortgage), are into all sorts of "creative "mortgage products, and they do all this while working as a manager in big 4 consulting and a HR manager and at age 32 the wife was thinking about starting a 401k and wasn't sure if her DH had one.

I know a few. However, the main thing I've witnessed is ny friends who can afford their expensive rent and lifestyle but can't save up for a downpayment. Nothing wrong with renting, especially if you decide you want to invest in something else. However, that's not what these couples are doing. Their rent is the equivalent of a huge mortgage and it's not like they are saving money on the side.

Another thing is I know roughly what many of our friends make or figure they make around our income (400-500k). Yet they go on fancier vacations, have student loans, dining out frequently, non stop social events etc. It isn't possible to pay New York taxes, 5-6k in rent, do all they do socially and somehow still save money.

I know one. She's 37 and a teacher. I worked with her for years and kept telling her she needed to start putting something away for retirement. She's just planning on her pension but that will not be enough when you consider how much healthcare costs are in retirement and if she'd want to do anything like travel.

IDK but I've always taken it as yet another thing that ridiculous DCUM people have to say about NYC people - oh I'm doing sooooo much better than them bc they're 45 and have $1500 in a 401k but spend all their money on vacations and takeout. Don't know who they're hanging with but my NYC friends aren't that dumb.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? Why don't you do you? So many posts on this forum from people obsessed with what other people are doing; it's completely pointless.

Just like your post!

Why do you care? Why don't you do you? So many posts on this forum from people obsessed with what other people are doing; it's completely pointless.

It's (probably) not as common as people make it sound on DCUM, but it's not that uncommon either. I can think of 2 friends I had in NYC biglaw - who when they were leaving the firm were talking about how they never had a 401k at the firm and were "promising themselves" they'd start one ASAP at their next (lower paid) job. I was kind of stunned - one left as a 6th yr and the other as a 7th -- so ages 32-33, that's a LOT of years of foregoing retirement esp. when one was a DINK and the other was single.

My guess is the 7th yr guy DID open a 401k at his next job. The 6th yr woman went to a company that puts a crazy generous 10% into your 401k whether you contribute anything or not; knowing her - that is her only source of 401k savings bc I can see her saying, what do I need put in 18k for if they're already putting in 14k.

Feels like people on this board and others always talk about how they made tradeoffs (smaller house; or larger house but further out; 1 car etc.) in order to be able to fully fund a 401k or save for a down payment, kids' college etc. - while their friends aren't doing that. My question - how many professionals do you really know who are living large -- fancy rentals; lots of vacations/date nights/eating out -- while foregoing things like 401ks? And I specifically mean well paid professionals - not people who are paycheck to paycheck in such a way that they couldn't fund 18k into a 401k even if they wanted to. I suspect some of this is common for people in their 20s - bc you graduate from college, start getting paid, and go nuts for a bit; but amongst 30 somethings?

Most of my friends are in NYC though some are here - and of all those people I literally know 1 couple like this. Even amongst the NYC folks - who people always say don't save anything, don't prioritize home ownership and just live to take vacations and eat out 6 nights/wk. Maybe I run with a more "conservative" crowd? People take nice vacations etc. but nothing over the top. Most people own their own places; those that don't, don't own bc they anticipate moving for jobs etc. but I expect they'd be in the position to buy whenever they wanted; people don't specifically talk about their 401ks but my friends seem responsible enough that I can't imagine they aren't saving at all. I literally know 1 couple that is the definition of the crazy NYC couple -- living in a 4 million apartment where I suspect the down payment came from a wealthy Asian family overseas (though not the full cost bc they complain about the mortgage), are into all sorts of "creative "mortgage products, and they do all this while working as a manager in big 4 consulting and a HR manager and at age 32 the wife was thinking about starting a 401k and wasn't sure if her DH had one.