No, I don't think it's ridiculous. People are usually very sympathetic to posters on here who can't have a second due to circumstances and want one. I don't see this as that different, really.

Maybe he will change his mind.

We went through this- same thing, I wanted a 4th. I basically had to finally have 'the talk' where he really stated he was 75% not interested. That did it for me- for all of the others he was 100% in- 75% wasn't good enough and he was right about his issue: time with each and having to ignore the needs of one to address the needs of another at times.

Anonymous wrote:I REALLY want another child. Like, I know I will be disappointed for a very long time if I can't have one. It may be biologically driven as I'm 36 and the door is closing soon, so to speak. DH really does not want another child. I feel so sad about this and can't stop hoping that maybe I'll be able to change his mind (fwiw, we can afford it, it's not a financial thing).

Does it matter how many kids we already have? The people in my life - my mom, sisters, BFF, etc. - are not especially sympathetic because we have three and they tell me that should be "sufficient." I love them dearly but it doesn't change the fact that I feel someone is missing from our family, kwim?

Of course the number of kids you already have matters to your decision-making?! Each kid takes resources and energy, and it's foolish not to think about what you have to give (and how old you will be when they leave your home) before bringing a new life into the world.

That said, the number doesn't matter to your feelings. I know of people who were desperate to have another kid when they already had 5 children, and i know people who cannot fathom having another kid after 1. You need to separate your feelings about this from your decision-making process. Your DH has feelings also, and they seem to be the opposite of yours. If you are unable to move past your feelings, there is no shame in seeing a counselor to help you do so. You are right that it might be something that haunts you for a very long time if you can't find a way to move on from it.

But if one parent doesn't want any more kids, I think that's pretty much the end of the conversation.

I think it is a gift to your kids to have a big family. That's just me.

He is telling you that he doesn't want another. Go ahead and do it anyway. 10 months from now you can come on here and start a new thread "why won't my DH help with the new baby?"

Anonymous wrote:I think its selfish to have 4 kids as its hard to give each the attention and support they need.

I know that we can do it though. We're doing a good job with the three that we have now. By the time the baby was born, our youngest would be six and in school full day so I'd be able to have lot so one-on-one time with the baby and not have it affect them.

Why do you want to have a kid with a man that doesn't want one?

You need both of you to agree to another child. Concentrate on what you have and not what you can't have.

If you really can't get over it, you may benefit by talking it over with a therapist.

Yes, it's ridiculous. Your husband doesn't want another child. You have three. Find a way to move on and count your many, many blessings in life.

I don't think it's ridiculous to want another child, but it's also not ridiculous to want to be done with #3.

Unfortunately, with number of children there is no compromise so one spouse has to get their way. It should be the spouse that is done, IMO.

You are lucky to have 3 kids!

Anonymous wrote:I think its selfish to have 4 kids as its hard to give each the attention and support they need.

Absolutely agree. A mother of three here that feels that I cannot give them the attention needed in certain situations.

Anonymous wrote:I REALLY want another child. Like, I know I will be disappointed for a very long time if I can't have one. It may be biologically driven as I'm 36 and the door is closing soon, so to speak. DH really does not want another child. I feel so sad about this and can't stop hoping that maybe I'll be able to change his mind (fwiw, we can afford it, it's not a financial thing).

Does it matter how many kids we already have? The people in my life - my mom, sisters, BFF, etc. - are not especially sympathetic because we have three and they tell me that should be "sufficient." I love them dearly but it doesn't change the fact that I feel someone is missing from our family, kwim?

Yes, even if it's hormonal, it's ridiculous. You have three children and your husband is making it clear he does not want another child. It's time to stop prioritizing your wants over the needs of your husband and other three children.

Anonymous wrote:I think its selfish to have 4 kids as its hard to give each the attention and support they need.

+1000

Not to mention the increase in your carbon footprint and your contribution to overpopulation.

I think its selfish to have 4 kids as its hard to give each the attention and support they need.

I REALLY want another child. Like, I know I will be disappointed for a very long time if I can't have one. It may be biologically driven as I'm 36 and the door is closing soon, so to speak. DH really does not want another child. I feel so sad about this and can't stop hoping that maybe I'll be able to change his mind (fwiw, we can afford it, it's not a financial thing).

Does it matter how many kids we already have? The people in my life - my mom, sisters, BFF, etc. - are not especially sympathetic because we have three and they tell me that should be "sufficient." I love them dearly but it doesn't change the fact that I feel someone is missing from our family, kwim?