Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about going without your spouse? He can stay home with the kids, and that will make your expenses much less. It would be a fun childless weekend away for you, and you will be able to see your friend get married.

Anonymous wrote:Ditto

+2

+3 especially if you will know other people at the wedding. (I am an introvert so I would find this tough if I wouldn't know anyone else.)

Not a choice. One of our children is a 3 month old. I am nursing. I'd have to bring him. Or, pump every 3 hours and store milk. And I'll have to spend 6 hours in the car, alone, both ways.

Um, tell her you're not going? It's not rocket science or brain surgery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about going without your spouse? He can stay home with the kids, and that will make your expenses much less. It would be a fun childless weekend away for you, and you will be able to see your friend get married.

Anonymous wrote:Ditto

+2

+3 especially if you will know other people at the wedding. (I am an introvert so I would find this tough if I wouldn't know anyone else.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about going without your spouse? He can stay home with the kids, and that will make your expenses much less. It would be a fun childless weekend away for you, and you will be able to see your friend get married.

Ditto

This. If you post a general idea where you would be headed you might get some tips on how to bring your costs down even further.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate making telephone calls and I know sometimes it's hard to find the right words on the spot. If you send a card, I'd certainly write more than that you're sorry you can't go. I'd explain the reasons and write something really heartfelt about how happy you are for her, after all the years of knowing her that you're so happy she found the right one, maybe add in some kind of memory. I'd really make it personal and from the heart so it doesn't seem so casual.

OP here. Yes, that is what I thought. I am a MUCH better writer than phone caller! I was going to write a long, heartfelt message. Not just, "sorry, can't make it. Here's some cash".

AgReese with this general concept but I wouldn't get into a long list of reasons. Is just say you've already committed to a christening or something that weekend. Something serous enough to warrant skipping but not interesting enough for anyone to follow up on.

I know people say you shouldn't lie but in these situations it ends the conversation and no one tries to convince you otherwise. If she's having a big wedding she'll feel a blip of sadness and move on to the next thing on her list

Anonymous wrote:How about going without your spouse? He can stay home with the kids, and that will make your expenses much less. It would be a fun childless weekend away for you, and you will be able to see your friend get married.

I did this recently. My ILs came to help my husband out, just to be extra nice and get a visit in. Win win win win win!

Anonymous wrote:How about going without your spouse? He can stay home with the kids, and that will make your expenses much less. It would be a fun childless weekend away for you, and you will be able to see your friend get married.

Anonymous wrote:Ditto

+2

Anonymous wrote:How about going without your spouse? He can stay home with the kids, and that will make your expenses much less. It would be a fun childless weekend away for you, and you will be able to see your friend get married.

Ditto

How about going without your spouse? He can stay home with the kids, and that will make your expenses much less. It would be a fun childless weekend away for you, and you will be able to see your friend get married.

Anonymous wrote:I hate making telephone calls and I know sometimes it's hard to find the right words on the spot. If you send a card, I'd certainly write more than that you're sorry you can't go. I'd explain the reasons and write something really heartfelt about how happy you are for her, after all the years of knowing her that you're so happy she found the right one, maybe add in some kind of memory. I'd really make it personal and from the heart so it doesn't seem so casual.

OP here. Yes, that is what I thought. I am a MUCH better writer than phone caller! I was going to write a long, heartfelt message. Not just, "sorry, can't make it. Here's some cash".

18:21 here. It's hard for almost everyone to find the right words. Rehearse if you need to, make a note and keep it in front of you, but make a call and invite them over so you can celebrate in person. This is all if you really truly regret not being able to go. If you don't want to invest in the friendship, there is no point in pretending.

I hate making telephone calls and I know sometimes it's hard to find the right words on the spot. If you send a card, I'd certainly write more than that you're sorry you can't go. I'd explain the reasons and write something really heartfelt about how happy you are for her, after all the years of knowing her that you're so happy she found the right one, maybe add in some kind of memory. I'd really make it personal and from the heart so it doesn't seem so casual.

Anonymous wrote:If you want to continue being her friend, call her. Tell her you are crushed not to be able to go, but you just can't swing it. Ask her and new husband over for brunch after they get back from the honeymoon. Swoon over the photos.

If you don't care, send a card.

+1

If you want to continue being her friend, call her. Tell her you are crushed not to be able to go, but you just can't swing it. Ask her and new husband over for brunch after they get back from the honeymoon. Swoon over the photos.

If you don't care, send a card.

I have a friend who is getting married. For 5 years, we were very good friends but over the last 3 years we have drifted apart. But looking back, she was a pivotal part of my past. I don't think she can say the same for me (just because she has more friends).
She is getting married somewhere EXPENSIVE to go. Not a destination wedding...I wish! because then I could have an easy excuse. This is close enough, but will cost us $800 for 2 days away. Plus, the reception is no children allowed...and we have two small children.
We have decided that with the children and expense, it just doesn't make sense to go.
I'm sure this won't be a surprise to her, but she might be disappointed. I plan on sending a larger than average gift (in the form of a check).

Is it enough to send her a card and write "I'm sorry we can't make it"...do I have to list the reasons? Or just send a card with our regrets and the check?

WWYD?