I think everyone is really overreacting.

Were you ever afraid of him before this incident? Was it muttering "I want to stab that guy" or getting in his face and threatening him? I agree with pps that one off/vs escalating patterns is really important. If it's the former (a single incident) I would have a conversation when you are both calm-tell him how is actions made you feel, your fears, and ask him to do an anger management class. If this is an escalating pattern, I'd make a plan to leave.

Anonymous wrote:Vow, what an idiot! Did the vallet guy hear his threat or he just told you that? He should be arrested for the threat. Baby crying and he cares about the car? One guy just dented mine and I just told him that I have a old car and I would try to pull the dent out. I know it's BMW, but maybe he can't handle driving one. Accidents and scratches happen. Maybe he should've parked it himself.
Feel so sorry for you. I don't even know your DH, but I'm so turned off by his behavior.

Agree. Yes you should start planning for a divorce. Get your ducks in a row. That he threatened to "stab him to death" is very disturbing and with an exit plan in place, it will be easier for you to leave if you see any other signs of violent tendencies. Yes you chose to have a child with this man but part of being a good parent is protecting them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first question is this an extreme aberration where you have never seen something like this before or is this at all consistent with who he is? That would make me plan different next steps - I'd start w individual therapy for you to process

This. You decided to marry this guy and have a baby with him. You know him. Either this event is one in a series that has made you uncomfortable or it's an aberration due to sleep deprivation and stress. Is he the type of person who can step back and say, "Damn, I was really out of control back there." No one can predict what anyone is going to do in the future. But a good indicator is past behavior. How much of his past behavior has been similar to what happened last night?

+1

Anonymous wrote:Sleep deprived.
And why the hell are you all out at 3:30 am with a baby?

Where did you get this? OP didn't say anything about the time.

Vow, what an idiot! Did the vallet guy hear his threat or he just told you that? He should be arrested for the threat. Baby crying and he cares about the car? One guy just dented mine and I just told him that I have a old car and I would try to pull the dent out. I know it's BMW, but maybe he can't handle driving one. Accidents and scratches happen. Maybe he should've parked it himself.
Feel so sorry for you. I don't even know your DH, but I'm so turned off by his behavior.

Sleep deprived.
And why the hell are you all out at 3:30 am with a baby?

Stab him with what, OP? Does he carry weapons around with him?
I've been deprived and stressed too. Never threatened to stab someone to death.

If you are asking the question, then yes. You don't have to make a decision -- but make a plan. Have an exit strategy.

Anonymous wrote:The first question is this an extreme aberration where you have never seen something like this before or is this at all consistent with who he is? That would make me plan different next steps - I'd start w individual therapy for you to process

This. You decided to marry this guy and have a baby with him. You know him. Either this event is one in a series that has made you uncomfortable or it's an aberration due to sleep deprivation and stress. Is he the type of person who can step back and say, "Damn, I was really out of control back there." No one can predict what anyone is going to do in the future. But a good indicator is past behavior. How much of his past behavior has been similar to what happened last night?

Yes - you start with therapy and prepare for an exit. You as a mother always should have an option to leave and a means to do so.

The first question is this an extreme aberration where you have never seen something like this before or is this at all consistent with who he is? That would make me plan different next steps - I'd start w individual therapy for you to process

Anonymous wrote:How was he not taking care of the baby? And why couldn't you and baby get in the car?

When I got there, baby was screaming, and he should have seen to that. DH had keys and we couldn't get into locked car. He locked car because he wanted to call the police and a towing company.

How was he not taking care of the baby? And why couldn't you and baby get in the car?

This sounds crazy but DH threatened to stab the valet to death for backing his bmw into a pole (ashtray/cigarette butt receptacle). The receptacle fell over when the car it it, so the car doesn't have a dent but is very faintly scratched. DH should have just dealt with the valet's manager. While he's yelling at the valet, the baby is crying and screaming because it's windy and raining, and we just need to get in the car and drive home. I need to know, do I need to start planning for a divorce? I feel the urge to protect my son.

We've had a lot of life changes recently. Not to make excuses for him but baby is only 4 months old, so we're sleep deprived. And DH just started a company, so he's exhausted and stressed. It's not acceptable to threaten the valet or not take care of the baby. I'm worried DH's behavior will get worse. He seems unhinged. How do we recover from this?