Im not trying to discourage you in any way, but in my experience I feel an interfaith marriage is easiest if one (or both) spouse doesn't "care" much about religion. I'm the one who doesn't "care" much and despite that, missing even just the secular celebration of Christmas is hard for me every year. And this is all with my entire family being totally cool with interfaith marriage, by the way. I also don't know what you are envisioning in terms of Bar / bat mitzvah prep but most kids do Hebrew school once a week starting in K and switch to twice a week around 3rd grade through Bar / bat mitzvah (7th gr).

I'm a Christian married to a Jewish man. Our children are Christian. We made a decision to commit to one religion for our children. My husband isn't religious and while he wants to kids to be exposed to his family's heritage he was never interested in being a member of a synagogue or taking them to Jewish education. All of these things were/are important to me for the Christian faith, I went/go to church and I am responsible for the "God stuff" in our house. This was a decision we made before we got married and even as I have become more faithful in my adult life it has worked for us. As a Christian in an interfaith marriage you must be able to hold paradox and not be a black and white, my way is the only way thinker, or your marriage will not work.

I don't understand how someone who is a (I assume) practicing Christian would agree to raise their children Jewish. One of the most basic tenants of Christianity is that, "No one comes to the Father except through me." If you truly believe in Christianity, wouldn't you believe that your children would be unable to go to heaven?

I just see a lot of heartache and frustration here if you are more than culturally Christian.

Anonymous wrote:If you are a Christian women (and did not convert) who married a Jewish men and are raising the children Jewish. Just wondering how hard it was to come to this decision and if you genuinely were proud about the bar mitzvah celebrations.

A bar/bat mitzvah is a celebration that recognizes adulthood or at least the premise of adulthood. I'm not sure what would hold back a Christian mom from pride in that, especially the incredible amount of work the 12/13 year old puts into it -- learning the Hebrew, learning the sacred texts, writing a speech, working on charitable products. I'm befuddled by the notion that a mom of another faith would not take pride in these accomplishments. Maybe I'm missing something but what about the Bar Mitzvah would cause you to be less than proud as a Christian? What in your "Christian values" would be offended or discouraged by this ceremony? Failure to accept JC as one's savior? Because if you are looking for your children to do that, then this decision is not going to work for you.

Does the mom continue practicing her faith in this situation?

I have known many interfaith couples where the wife was Christian and the husband was Jewish. Only in one did the wife agree to raise the children Jewish. There was an imbalance in the relationship financially and educationally, causing the wife to want to defer to her husband in most matters to please him and her in-laws.

I was extremely proud during their bat mitzvah but also had pains of loss during my nieces first communion. You can grieve and still be emerged and proud of your new Jewish culture.

Anonymous wrote:My Catholic friend married a Jewish man. They had two kids, one boy one girl. Before they were married they settled on how the kids would be raised. Girls, Catholic, boys Jewish.

Worked for them.

That is absurd. Good luck getting any of those kids to take religious seriously. If you are a girl you get to celebrate Christmas, but your brother doesn't. Not to mention whether or not Jesus is God. Tell your kids contradicting things based on whether they have a Y chromosome?

OP here. No kids, just in a serious relationship that could end up like that. I'm seeking thoughts from those that chose that path.

My Catholic friend married a Jewish man. They had two kids, one boy one girl. Before they were married they settled on how the kids would be raised. Girls, Catholic, boys Jewish.

Worked for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a Christian women (and did not convert) who married a Jewish men and are raising the children Jewish. Just wondering how hard it was to come to this decision and if you genuinely were proud about the bar mitzvah celebrations.

I've been in that situation 2x and couldn't have been prouder of my DC. It helps that our temple is exceptionally supportive of interfaith families and that I'm not ambivalent about my decision to raise Jewish children.

Yeah, OP this seems deeper than the bar mitzvah issue. It seems like you are not fully onboard with raising your kids Jewish. Even with that, I would think you could be proud of the accomplishment and all the work that goes into the bar mitzvah service, at least in many congregations. (I've been proud of neighbor's kids who have a done a good job.) But if you are ambivalent about how your kids are being raised, I could see how it might create some problems for you, even though questioning whether you could be proud of your kid seems a somewhat strange way to express it.

And where on earth did you get all this info. From the OP? She never said any of what you just presumptuously imputed on her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a Christian women (and did not convert) who married a Jewish men and are raising the children Jewish. Just wondering how hard it was to come to this decision and if you genuinely were proud about the bar mitzvah celebrations.

I've been in that situation 2x and couldn't have been prouder of my DC. It helps that our temple is exceptionally supportive of interfaith families and that I'm not ambivalent about my decision to raise Jewish children.

Yeah, OP this seems deeper than the bar mitzvah issue. It seems like you are not fully onboard with raising your kids Jewish. Even with that, I would think you could be proud of the accomplishment and all the work that goes into the bar mitzvah service, at least in many congregations. (I've been proud of neighbor's kids who have a done a good job.) But if you are ambivalent about how your kids are being raised, I could see how it might create some problems for you, even though questioning whether you could be proud of your kid seems a somewhat strange way to express it.

Anonymous wrote:If you are a Christian women (and did not convert) who married a Jewish men and are raising the children Jewish. Just wondering how hard it was to come to this decision and if you genuinely were proud about the bar mitzvah celebrations.

I've been in that situation 2x and couldn't have been prouder of my DC. It helps that our temple is exceptionally supportive of interfaith families and that I'm not ambivalent about my decision to raise Jewish children.

Why wouldn't you be proud? Remember, Jesus was a Jew, granted, they didn't do bar mitzvahs back then.

I would focus on the similarities between Judaism and Christianity. It's the same God after all.

If you are a Christian women (and did not convert) who married a Jewish men and are raising the children Jewish. Just wondering how hard it was to come to this decision and if you genuinely were proud about the bar mitzvah celebrations.