Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't totally fit that. I married a divorced man with 3 kids. I was 38 and had never been married. I'm not in to the whole big event, personally. So it was easy for me. We just went to the courthouse.

My mother was mad at me. But since she disapproved of my fiance (at the time, now she loves him), I didn't care. That was a large part of the reason I didn't want her there. It would have felt hypocritical.

My husband's kids were fine with it. If they hadn't been, we wouldn't have done it. I would just make sure all is OK with the kids.

We aren't telling the kids until after.

Why not?

They may or may not approve. They won't have a choice to try and talk us out of it, or give their opinions beforehand.

This reply doesn't bode well for your future life with your new spouse, OP. Who's to say that the adult children won't object and "give their opinions" after the elopement anyway? And why do you say they "may or may not approve" when the rest sounds as if you're already sure they won't approve and will work against the marriage? I'm not asking snarkily; I actually am wondering what the relationship is ( or isn't) with these children, if there's a concern that they'll try to talk your SO out of this. Do they know you at all or are they unaware of the relationship?

I've thought about eloping too (second marriage, etc), but I cannot imagine not telling my children. I can even imagine not telling my parents, but not my kids.

Food for thought: my mother's mother (maternal grandmother) eloped with her second husband while mom in college and didn't tell her until a week or so later. It is literally one of the first things she will tell you if you ask about their relationship...it was incredibly hurtful for (now) over 40 years. They divorced later, fyi. Don't do it. The negative feelings that might result from it might set a bad precedent.

gotta tell the kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't totally fit that. I married a divorced man with 3 kids. I was 38 and had never been married. I'm not in to the whole big event, personally. So it was easy for me. We just went to the courthouse.

My mother was mad at me. But since she disapproved of my fiance (at the time, now she loves him), I didn't care. That was a large part of the reason I didn't want her there. It would have felt hypocritical.

My husband's kids were fine with it. If they hadn't been, we wouldn't have done it. I would just make sure all is OK with the kids.

We aren't telling the kids until after.

Why not?

They may or may not approve. They won't have a choice to try and talk us out of it, or give their opinions beforehand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't totally fit that. I married a divorced man with 3 kids. I was 38 and had never been married. I'm not in to the whole big event, personally. So it was easy for me. We just went to the courthouse.

My mother was mad at me. But since she disapproved of my fiance (at the time, now she loves him), I didn't care. That was a large part of the reason I didn't want her there. It would have felt hypocritical.

My husband's kids were fine with it. If they hadn't been, we wouldn't have done it. I would just make sure all is OK with the kids.

We aren't telling the kids until after.

Why not?

Anonymous wrote:I don't totally fit that. I married a divorced man with 3 kids. I was 38 and had never been married. I'm not in to the whole big event, personally. So it was easy for me. We just went to the courthouse.

My mother was mad at me. But since she disapproved of my fiance (at the time, now she loves him), I didn't care. That was a large part of the reason I didn't want her there. It would have felt hypocritical.

My husband's kids were fine with it. If they hadn't been, we wouldn't have done it. I would just make sure all is OK with the kids.

We aren't telling the kids until after.

I don't totally fit that. I married a divorced man with 3 kids. I was 38 and had never been married. I'm not in to the whole big event, personally. So it was easy for me. We just went to the courthouse.

My mother was mad at me. But since she disapproved of my fiance (at the time, now she loves him), I didn't care. That was a large part of the reason I didn't want her there. It would have felt hypocritical.

My husband's kids were fine with it. If they hadn't been, we wouldn't have done it. I would just make sure all is OK with the kids.

... if it was your second marriage, you both had (adult) children, and you told no one. Was it flawless or were there repercussions?