My best childhood friend, and it didn't end well. Her own parents were functional alcoholics and borderline abusive. We lost touch in our early 20s when I refused to enable her growing substance abuse (to be clear, I offered support and friendship, but wouldn't go drinking with her, or get in fights with her, or pick her up when she blacked out in strange apartments). She struggled with addiction her whole life, and then with resulting logistical problems of parenting that come with addiction. Her kids' father was abusive and ended up in jail on drug trafficking charges. Next boyfriend was loving, but also struggled with addiction. They were never able to get their lives together, and alienated most of her family through manipulation in service to their additions. They ended up moving thousands of miles away from her family to live near the boyfriend's family. A few years ago she was killed in a tragic accident caused by her addiction. I think the kids ended up in foster care. It still breaks my heart.

I know plenty of people. All of them are on my mom's southern, white trash side of the family. She escaped and broke the cycle of poverty for herself, but her siblings did not. They all had more kids than they could afford and those kids now have kids that they can't afford.

I don't think you need to be rich to procreate, but you should at least be able to afford the necessities your baby needs, like say, I don't know... a car seat. I have a cousin who got arrested at the hospital for assaulting the nurse who wheeled her out when the nurse refused to let the baby go with her in the car without a car seat. She tried to make a whole thing of it by contacting the local news because she was being persecuted for being poor. Amazingly enough, they didn't run with that 'click bait' story. I think the Judge let her off with only having to attend parenting classes. Best part of the story? Someone at the courthouse directed her to a church who donated a high-end car seat to her. So feel-good, right? Yeah, and it was until she took the high-end car seat to Walmart, got store credit, and bought a crappy car seat and ducking Walmart jewelry with the rest of the money.

Hard to say op, the arrival of a child could push the DH into treatment or push the other way. It is their decision, not yours, so I would be supportive. Mention you are concerned and state the reasons, but leave it at that.

Anonymous wrote:My sister should have never had kids. She is in her 50's now but back when she was a teenager I knew something was off with her. Didn't know what her diagnosis was but now a days she would certainly be medicated. She went on to marry 5 times, had two daughters. One ran off and married loser boyfriend in college and never finished school. Had a baby by him and divorced soon afterward. 2nd daughter had a career of swinging on the poll. Had 3 kids from 3 different fathers and never married a day in her life. Recently heard she was struggling for housing. I know at one time this country was an advocate of sterilizing the mentally ill. When I see my sister and the havoc she has wreaked on not only our family but her kids lives, I can't say that it is a bad idea.

This is so tragic.

My sister should have never had kids. She is in her 50's now but back when she was a teenager I knew something was off with her. Didn't know what her diagnosis was but now a days she would certainly be medicated. She went on to marry 5 times, had two daughters. One ran off and married loser boyfriend in college and never finished school. Had a baby by him and divorced soon afterward. 2nd daughter had a career of swinging on the poll. Had 3 kids from 3 different fathers and never married a day in her life. Recently heard she was struggling for housing. I know at one time this country was an advocate of sterilizing the mentally ill. When I see my sister and the havoc she has wreaked on not only our family but her kids lives, I can't say that it is a bad idea.

Happy Tuesday, OP! I bet you didn't realize you were a dim asshole until this morning.

OP, I think I understand where you are coming from. I really hoped a friend of mine would not have a child, and thankfully she decided not to. They are extremely well off, but she's very rigid and controlling, and I thought a child would make her miserable.

I think it's normal to want all children to have a safe, loving, secure environment to grow up in. Just offer whatever support you can to your friend.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, me. I have a lot of support and the kids are doing well.
Is she pregnant already?
Please offer as much support as possible once the baby is here. i was a child who wanted to be adopted out so I don't have to live with my parents. That help never came. Few days at somebody else's home would've been nice.

This is insightful, thank you. I will offer as much support as possible but for example they can't afford childcare or for her to stay home and I think she's going to just wing it. She has out right said she was hoping I would watch their baby during the week and I told her I cannot take on a third. So she is basically expecting someone she knows SAH to step up and do it and I feel for her situation but there's no way I could handle it. As far as emotional support I'm 100% there.

Yes, me. I have a lot of support and the kids are doing well.
Is she pregnant already?
Please offer as much support as possible once the baby is here. i was a child who wanted to be adopted out so I don't have to live with my parents. That help never came. Few days at somebody else's home would've been nice.

I have to agree with you, OP. A baby will not cure her husband's problems, and will add a world of stress.

There is nothing you can do, though, unless you are willing to be a support for her when she needs it, which she will. And by support, I mean likely taking on jobs she or her husband should be doing themselves.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not into the whole "should--should not" thing. Who are we to say what should or should not happen, who should or should not be born? Leave it be. You have your own family to be concerned about.

This is true and what I figured.

Yes. It's up to about 7 billion people now.

OP, I'm not into the whole "should--should not" thing. Who are we to say what should or should not happen, who should or should not be born? Leave it be. You have your own family to be concerned about.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/606770.page

That stinks, OP. Maybe having a baby will help them turn it around and clean up their lives.

I had more than one person tell me when I was pregnant..."you're the last person on earth I'd ever expect to be somebody's mom."

Maybe I need a new group of friends. It's not like I use needle drugs or eat Doritos for dinner every night.

How did it turn out? I have a very long term friend that we took very separate paths in life. For a variety of reasons I just feel very sad that she is going to try to conceive soon. The baby will not have a stable life. Her husband suffers from untreated anxiety/depression ( doesn't have money or time to see a therapist is her excuse) and is explosive and abuses a drug. They are barely able to make ends meet and she has some issues herself I will not get into. I love her very much do not get me wrong. And I know she is at a time in her life were biologically she's ready to have a child. But I guess now as a mother myself I cringe and feel so sorry for their baby to be. I feel horrible putting this out somewhere but maybe someone can put my mind at ease or even just put me in my MYOB place.