Anonymous wrote:What is this no time to shop, wrap, etc.? It's not like they moved Christmas this year. It's the same day every year. I had my plan in place in September, finished shopping by the first week in December. Decide what people to buy gifts for, set a budget, make a plan. You did have time; you wasted it.

well it's obviously not a priority for me. And we don't all have your time. I work over 100 hours a week, manage to keep my family going, and I'm not even Christian. I do it every year for my husbands family, and 'this year I just ran out of steam.

What is this no time to shop, wrap, etc.? It's not like they moved Christmas this year. It's the same day every year. I had my plan in place in September, finished shopping by the first week in December. Decide what people to buy gifts for, set a budget, make a plan. You did have time; you wasted it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, OP. You sound like a pushover bean counter whose concern is keeping up with the Jonses.

Okay, PP. Go find a fight elsewhere.

I was a new poster, not the PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely you are mature and resourceful enough to figure out this doesn't need to be all or nothing?

Go for a few days. Spend Christmas day at your home. Travel the next day and stay at one set of parents house for one or two nights, then at the other parents' house for one or two nights.

Bring exactly what you feel is reasonable. Homemade cards, a few framed photos, a gift card or two. Just because other people go overboard doesn't mean you have to. Bring what you think is appropriate, or bring nothing at all and say you donated in the name of each family to the United Way or a children's hospital or whatever has meaning for you.

I swear, some people would rather complain and wring their hands and mush-mouth about how overwhelming everything is rather than take two seconds and figure out what you actually can and want to do. And then nut up and do it.

Surely you can't be so obtuse to think that our showing up with very little will actually be taken positively. In the past we've cut down a bit on our giving (or really just focused more on gift cards) and people were not impressed, despite our donating much of their gifts to goodwill. We've actually discussed cutting back on giftgiving and offered up other options (secret santas, charity donations, etc), none of which were acceptable to my inlaws.

I swear, some people would like to take every opportunity to put down others.

And? So? So they won't "take it positively." So they won't "be impressed." So what? BIG DEAL. If they choose to be rude or disappointed or whtever, that's their choice. THEN you would actually have good reason to stay away from them, and just visit your family or stay at your own home. If they have a problem with that, THEN you can tell them point-blank that you won't be participating in their overblown version of the holidays.

So they won't be impressed/take it positively? SO. WHAT?

OMG, PP. Why would I go JUST TO STIR THE POT. If I go to someone's house for a holiday, it is responsible to enjoy it according to their customs. How rude to go and try to enforce my own values. You sound like someone who just enjoys confrontation and who is convinced your way is the only way.

And it seems you want to make this a doomsday scenario just so you can justify avoiding your ILs and keeping the only grandchild to yourself on Christmas. If you go, it might not be perfect, but your child will probably enjoy time with family. But you've decided that it is your way, or no way.

Wow.

Anonymous wrote:No, OP. You sound like a pushover bean counter whose concern is keeping up with the Jonses.

Okay, PP. Go find a fight elsewhere.

No, OP. You sound like a pushover bean counter whose concern is keeping up with the Jonses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely you are mature and resourceful enough to figure out this doesn't need to be all or nothing?

Go for a few days. Spend Christmas day at your home. Travel the next day and stay at one set of parents house for one or two nights, then at the other parents' house for one or two nights.

Bring exactly what you feel is reasonable. Homemade cards, a few framed photos, a gift card or two. Just because other people go overboard doesn't mean you have to. Bring what you think is appropriate, or bring nothing at all and say you donated in the name of each family to the United Way or a children's hospital or whatever has meaning for you.

I swear, some people would rather complain and wring their hands and mush-mouth about how overwhelming everything is rather than take two seconds and figure out what you actually can and want to do. And then nut up and do it.

Surely you can't be so obtuse to think that our showing up with very little will actually be taken positively. In the past we've cut down a bit on our giving (or really just focused more on gift cards) and people were not impressed, despite our donating much of their gifts to goodwill. We've actually discussed cutting back on giftgiving and offered up other options (secret santas, charity donations, etc), none of which were acceptable to my inlaws.

I swear, some people would like to take every opportunity to put down others.

And? So? So they won't "take it positively." So they won't "be impressed." So what? BIG DEAL. If they choose to be rude or disappointed or whtever, that's their choice. THEN you would actually have good reason to stay away from them, and just visit your family or stay at your own home. If they have a problem with that, THEN you can tell them point-blank that you won't be participating in their overblown version of the holidays.

So they won't be impressed/take it positively? SO. WHAT?

OMG, PP. Why would I go JUST TO STIR THE POT. If I go to someone's house for a holiday, it is responsible to enjoy it according to their customs. How rude to go and try to enforce my own values. You sound like someone who just enjoys confrontation and who is convinced your way is the only way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely you are mature and resourceful enough to figure out this doesn't need to be all or nothing?

Go for a few days. Spend Christmas day at your home. Travel the next day and stay at one set of parents house for one or two nights, then at the other parents' house for one or two nights.

Bring exactly what you feel is reasonable. Homemade cards, a few framed photos, a gift card or two. Just because other people go overboard doesn't mean you have to. Bring what you think is appropriate, or bring nothing at all and say you donated in the name of each family to the United Way or a children's hospital or whatever has meaning for you.

I swear, some people would rather complain and wring their hands and mush-mouth about how overwhelming everything is rather than take two seconds and figure out what you actually can and want to do. And then nut up and do it.

Surely you can't be so obtuse to think that our showing up with very little will actually be taken positively. In the past we've cut down a bit on our giving (or really just focused more on gift cards) and people were not impressed, despite our donating much of their gifts to goodwill. We've actually discussed cutting back on giftgiving and offered up other options (secret santas, charity donations, etc), none of which were acceptable to my inlaws.

I swear, some people would like to take every opportunity to put down others.

And? So? So they won't "take it positively." So they won't "be impressed." So what? BIG DEAL. If they choose to be rude or disappointed or whtever, that's their choice. THEN you would actually have good reason to stay away from them, and just visit your family or stay at your own home. If they have a problem with that, THEN you can tell them point-blank that you won't be participating in their overblown version of the holidays.

So they won't be impressed/take it positively? SO. WHAT?

doodlebug wrote:i'd probably lean toward staying home and relaxing. Start some traditions ofyour own with your daughter. Hit the at home bucket list and To Do lists.

Thanks, PPs! You are all making me feel a bit more confident in this decision. I think it's a good idea for our DC to show her that the holidays don't require the bazillion gifts too, but rather time spent together.

i'd probably lean toward staying home and relaxing. Start some traditions ofyour own with your daughter. Hit the at home bucket list and To Do lists.

Anonymous wrote:Surely you are mature and resourceful enough to figure out this doesn't need to be all or nothing?

Go for a few days. Spend Christmas day at your home. Travel the next day and stay at one set of parents house for one or two nights, then at the other parents' house for one or two nights.

Bring exactly what you feel is reasonable. Homemade cards, a few framed photos, a gift card or two. Just because other people go overboard doesn't mean you have to. Bring what you think is appropriate, or bring nothing at all and say you donated in the name of each family to the United Way or a children's hospital or whatever has meaning for you.

I swear, some people would rather complain and wring their hands and mush-mouth about how overwhelming everything is rather than take two seconds and figure out what you actually can and want to do. And then nut up and do it.

Surely you can't be so obtuse to think that our showing up with very little will actually be taken positively. In the past we've cut down a bit on our giving (or really just focused more on gift cards) and people were not impressed, despite our donating much of their gifts to goodwill. We've actually discussed cutting back on giftgiving and offered up other options (secret santas, charity donations, etc), none of which were acceptable to my inlaws.

I swear, some people would like to take every opportunity to put down others.

Surely you are mature and resourceful enough to figure out this doesn't need to be all or nothing?

Go for a few days. Spend Christmas day at your home. Travel the next day and stay at one set of parents house for one or two nights, then at the other parents' house for one or two nights.

Bring exactly what you feel is reasonable. Homemade cards, a few framed photos, a gift card or two. Just because other people go overboard doesn't mean you have to. Bring what you think is appropriate, or bring nothing at all and say you donated in the name of each family to the United Way or a children's hospital or whatever has meaning for you.

I swear, some people would rather complain and wring their hands and mush-mouth about how overwhelming everything is rather than take two seconds and figure out what you actually can and want to do. And then nut up and do it.

Agree with PP, sounds like you are in need of a relaxing week at home. Whenever I start to stress about not doing holidays to the hilt, I remind myself that this is just one year. There will hopefully be many more years ahead when you can make the road trip.

Guilt?? Come on OP. Life is too short for guilt. I'm with your husband. Stay home and relax.

I have the week off b/t Christmas and New Years, and we were debating on either making the long drive or flying up to see DH and my family (they live in the same town), but up right until almost Christmas day my schedule is absolutely packed. DH's family has a million traditions and they exchange literally hundreds of dollars worth of presents per person. That whole thing is so stressful, so DH thought it would be best if we just took the week off and relaxed here. I'm all for it, but I'm also sad for DC and everyone else. She's the only grandchild and I know she makes everyone's Christmas' come alive, so I'm feeling really guilty. But the thought of undergoing all that stress literally gives me anxiety attacks. I would be so much more amenable to going if the traditions/presents were kept to a minimum. I just do not have the time to shop, wrap, make the yearly traditions. And then traveling to both families? I'm exhausted.

I was thinking about doing a surprise road trip and not telling anyone and showing up with just 1 gift per person (that we buy and wrap on the way). But then my vacation is cut in half.

But the guilt is a bit overwhelming.