She doesn't need to decide on schools now. She shouldn't be applying ED anything if she's unsure. Apply regular decision to a bunch of schools. Go look at the ones she gets in to. She can play club or intramural sport. PLEASE forget about where "everyone else" is getting in to. You need to be reassuring your kid that that JUST DOES NOT MATTER.

OP here. Yes she has done over night visits at 3 colleges.
She says she can't visualize being in any of them! But one of the 3 she has put in third place so she is able to rank that one. She does say she does want to go to college but doesn't feel like she know herself well enough to evaluate them.

I agree about the "top" school inhibitor. That comes from peer pressure not us.

Has DD visited the colleges in question? Asking her to visualize herself in each atmosphere and then asking where she feels she fits best might help.

If she hasn't visited, I'd do that ASAP if possible.

Anonymous wrote:DD says she is unable to make decision on colleges. She has a good list and has opportunity to get support for ED2 to a couple of selective schools. However she is just too conflicted on how to decide and emotional about it that most discussions end in tears. A gap year is possible but she does not want to go thru the college process again (neither do we). I also suspect she wants a do over - she full of regret about how she her expectations were so out of line with what was really possible. It doesn't help that her friends are getting into top schools. A rough time for us all. Any words of wisdom from more experienced parents?

DC cannot decide either. So he has forgone the ED and applied RD everywhere. As a result, we have to wait until April. I was fine with it until this week. Now that his friends are getting back their EDs and know where they are going- every announcement is a reminder that we have 4 more month to wait. His brother knew by now and it was easier. I know that in the long run it really doesn't matter and I grit my teeth and smile.

Gap years are better if the application is already accepted and the student defers for a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here's the thing. Most, but certainly not all, kids end up loving their college. So in some ways, any choice is the right one.

+1

Delete the term "top school" from your vocabulary. It detracts from the task at hand and just puts unnecessary pressure on her. He school that is right for her is the one she should attend.

And forget ED.

This, plus a million. The only thing worse than "top school" is "top Ivy."

Anonymous wrote:So here's the thing. Most, but certainly not all, kids end up loving their college. So in some ways, any choice is the right one.

+1

Delete the term "top school" from your vocabulary. It detracts from the task at hand and just puts unnecessary pressure on her. He school that is right for her is the one she should attend.

And forget ED.

Having to commit to playing a sport in order to get into a school she's not 100% sure about ....

let her be a typical senior and make a decision in April.

So here's the thing. Most, but certainly not all, kids end up loving their college. So in some ways, any choice is the right one.

Anonymous wrote:OP here ...The reason to do ED2 is for her sport and to get into a top school. Without coach support, she won't get into those schools so she would have to let that go.

That makes it even tougher. We have kids who play their sport in college so I totally understand the demands ... and also the cold feet. Does she have any contacts who are playing her sport at her target schools? Sometimes talking low-key to a friend or even an acquaintance can help. It can be so intimidating and then she has friends getting their acceptances and it is scary. But I also understand it is a fine balancing act since you don't want the college or high school coaches worrying or backing away so that she loses her hook.

FWIW, we have 2 in college now they both play their respective sports. While it is much like having a second job, our kids have found that the pros absolutely outweigh the cons and they are thriving. What we told them at the beginning and what we keep telling them is that they may play as long as they want. It is their choice. However, we will only allow them to play as long as they are enjoying it and getting more positives out of it than negatives. That seems to back off the pressure for our kids. Good luck.

OP here ...The reason to do ED2 is for her sport and to get into a top school. Without coach support, she won't get into those schools so she would have to let that go.

Whoops! I'm PP. I didn't see ED2. Maybe regular?

First, congratulations to your senior on her ED acceptances! And I'm sorry she is having a tough time, OP. The application process and response time can be such an emotional roller coaster. I'm sure she has some time before she needs to respond. Is there any way to put the matter aside for a couple of weeks? Then maybe a couple of quick visits back to the schools? There won't be any students there but it may help to see the campus quiet?

And sometimes things happen in the oddest ways. We had one kid (Kid 3) who was really struggling with his choices a year ago. He didn't know if he wanted to go to college anymore, he was worried about living up to expectations, he was worried about making friends. Everything. We wanted to get his mind off of the whole thing and really focused on lots of outdoor family activities not in any way related to academics. We were trying to avoid any pressure or anything related to college. But an old family friend blew in to town over the holidays and, unbeknownst to us, had basketball tickets to a few of games for him and our other kids. Kid on the fence went to all 3 games and was totally turned around and enthused about going to college. Even though most of the attendees weren't current students and the games were all in this area, the kid saw enough college love from alums that he caught the college fever again. Our kid ended up deferring one year and is on a church mission right now but he is eager to start school in the fall and we are thrilled that he found the right path for him. Life isn't always a straight line.

Best wishes to you and your senior!

If she doesn't have a preference then let the one that costs the least, or has the best access to her favorite place, or some such criterion. The other idea is have her do a sports tournament type head to head comparison with a series of coin flips. The amazing thing about coin flips is that IF you become disappointed with the result, if you have a true preference and that may help her unmask that when disappointed with the flip and discover the preference!

She is definitely not ready for ED2, I'd let that go. If she can file her applications just wait and see what happens. She can visit wherever she is accepted and decide later. Also, some people transfer colleges. Remind her it'll be ok. This is a very stressful time and they can feel like their whole lives depend on this decision. Of course that's not true, so help her keep it in perspective.

DD says she is unable to make decision on colleges. She has a good list and has opportunity to get support for ED2 to a couple of selective schools. However she is just too conflicted on how to decide and emotional about it that most discussions end in tears. A gap year is possible but she does not want to go thru the college process again (neither do we). I also suspect she wants a do over - she full of regret about how she her expectations were so out of line with what was really possible. It doesnt help that her friends are getting into top schools. A rough time for us all. Any words of wisdom from more experienced parents?