I listened to my mom when she told me to gain no more than 15 lbs while pg with db#1. I gained 19. Db was skinny. By the time I had db#2 and db#3 I had figured out my mom has an eating disorder. I don't keep a scale in my house because I don't want to be like her. I used to wear a size 4/6, now I'm a 10/12, but I take zoloft, and I wish she would take an SSRI too.

I remember my parents restricted my food when I was around 8 years old because I was getting heavy. I remember being hungry but I guess at 8 years old I wasn't self aware enough to know if I was overweight or not.

Where I grew up people were pretty brutal to fat people in middle and high school...I mean ruthless...so, in some ways I'm glad they saved me from myself although perhaps their tactics were questionable.

My relationship with food is fine now. I avoid soda and sugary things and generally try to eat reasonably healthy without going overboard. Lately I've been trying to work more veggies into my diet as substitutes.

Anonymous wrote:My mom made comments about being fat and even once gave me a half plate for Thanksgiving because she thought I was too big and should get smaller portions (I just had a baby!) . I do not have a eating disorder, am very normal weight, athletic body. Normalcy is possible

Sorry this sounded like a one time thing, it was a constant food restriction while growing up, she would control the portions and not allow seconds. However it wasn't overt (subtly done), and there was never a concept of "dieting". If I wanted a coke I was allowed to have it, but in smaller portions.

My mom made comments about being fat and even once gave me a half plate for Thanksgiving because she thought I was too big and should get smaller portions (I just had a baby!) . I do not have a eating disorder, am very normal weight, athletic body. Normalcy is possible

My mom put me on a diet when I was two. Obviously I don't remember it, but she talks about it all the time. She was pregnant with my sister and couldn't eat and we went on a vacation and I would eat my plate and her plate(she couldn't eat due to being sick...) and all the waiters were so pleased and kept giving me more and free food, and she had to stop that and for the next few years put me on a diet. I am in mid 40s, she still talks about it, non stop. I was a chubby kid, but ate healthy, sister was rail thin and I had to listen to how pretty she is and how "healthy" I am. This was in the old country. At 15 I lost 10 some lbs and grew and then I was rail thin myself. Then she started with why am I not eating bread now and drinking more milk. There was never pleasing her. Lucky for me, my grandmother who lived with us, cooked and would cook for me, since I really appreciate good food and love it. I learned from her that food is to be enjoyed. But, there is an influence still from my mom and her comments, I weight 120lbs now, last 15 were gained in the last couple of years as I have bad fatigue and need to eat or can't have enough energy. I think I am fat now. I am over 5'4". So yeah, messed me up in some ways permanently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom did - she had/has her own body issues and issues with women, for sure, but it still sucked. She never told me I was beautiful but always made a point to ridicule my belly (even as a teen weighing 115 my tummy had some roundness) and would berate me for eating seconds and desserts. Once, when I was ten, I'd eaten a lot of cookies after school - she made me do sit-ups and sent me to my room without dinner.

To answer your question, I've had body dysmorphic disorder my whole life (felt I looked huge and gross as a size four). Had a touch of bulimia and anorexia as a teen, but I really attribute that more to the girls I was hanging out with. I've tried to develop a healthier relationship with food but always internally equate my self-worth with my thinness. Being heavy after having my children made me so very uncomfortable- sadly, it was the only time my mom didn't make negative comments about my body, which suggests a really weird element of jealousy/ competition on her part. Sad.

This was basically my relationship with my mother and my body as well. I'm pregnant now and, sadly, my mother has kept up a bit of the "you weigh too much" commentary during my pregnancy. I've done my best to ignore it but there is definitely a small, sad part of me that can't wait for the baby to be born so I can get back to dieting...

PP here - I'm so sorry. Hugs. Isn't it awful? Just try to enjoy your pregnancy and take it easy on yourself. Easier said than done, I know!

Anonymous wrote:My mom did - she had/has her own body issues and issues with women, for sure, but it still sucked. She never told me I was beautiful but always made a point to ridicule my belly (even as a teen weighing 115 my tummy had some roundness) and would berate me for eating seconds and desserts. Once, when I was ten, I'd eaten a lot of cookies after school - she made me do sit-ups and sent me to my room without dinner.

To answer your question, I've had body dysmorphic disorder my whole life (felt I looked huge and gross as a size four). Had a touch of bulimia and anorexia as a teen, but I really attribute that more to the girls I was hanging out with. I've tried to develop a healthier relationship with food but always internally equate my self-worth with my thinness. Being heavy after having my children made me so very uncomfortable- sadly, it was the only time my mom didn't make negative comments about my body, which suggests a really weird element of jealousy/ competition on her part. Sad.

This was basically my relationship with my mother and my body as well. I'm pregnant now and, sadly, my mother has kept up a bit of the "you weigh too much" commentary during my pregnancy. I've done my best to ignore it but there is definitely a small, sad part of me that can't wait for the baby to be born so I can get back to dieting...

10:24

Interesting - the opposite is true in my DH's family. His father is a food addict - I now believe this is a thing - and is in total denial about the effect of this on his health (leg amputated last year - he's in his fifties, congenial heart failure multiple times a year, diabetes, regular ER visits) and my DH is so far on the opposite end of the spectrum. He's obsessed with working out and hates junk food.

My mom always commented on my weight and what I was eating. She's always struggled with her own weight and she just extended it to me (but not either of my sisters as they were both always very thin). For years, I had this need to always be on some sort of diet. Even weighing 115 pounds in high school I felt like I was disgustingly fat. I'd not eat all day then break down and inhale a ton of food right before she got home from work so no one would see me eating then I'd pick at my dinner to show how "good" I was being by not eating much. College was the first time I had access to a gym and I worked out obsessively because I was terrified of gaining any weight. Every piece of food I put in my body was a negotiation - "I can eat this if I do x minutes of cardio later" or "I can't eat lunch because I don't have time to go to the gym today."

It wasn't until I was 30 that I just stopped caring about losing those last 5 pounds and instead focused on filling the house with generally healthy foods and not monitoring my intake every second of every day. I still struggle from time to time with obsessing over my food and I'll never be happy with how I look but it went from being the thing I thought about most to something I only think about sometimes.

My MIL does this, and restricts to only very small portions (half apple instead of full, for example). Even my FIL hides food. DH and his siblings are overweight.

My mom did - she had/has her own body issues and issues with women, for sure, but it still sucked. She never told me I was beautiful but always made a point to ridicule my belly (even as a teen weighing 115 my tummy had some roundness) and would berate me for eating seconds and desserts. Once, when I was ten, I'd eaten a lot of cookies after school - she made me do sit-ups and sent me to my room without dinner.

To answer your question, I've had body dysmorphic disorder my whole life (felt I looked huge and gross as a size four). Had a touch of bulimia and anorexia as a teen, but I really attribute that more to the girls I was hanging out with. I've tried to develop a healthier relationship with food but always internally equate my self-worth with my thinness. Being heavy after having my children made me so very uncomfortable- sadly, it was the only time my mom didn't make negative comments about my body, which suggests a really weird element of jealousy/ competition on her part. Sad.

My best friend growing up had a mother who was oddly obsessed with food. She'd bribe her kid with food to exercise. I didn't know any other kids in third grade who were forced to walk on a treadmill after school. Even at that age, I knew something was very odd about that family dynamic.

He ended up getting gastric bypass surgery and his sister is still battling problems with anorexia.

Mine didn't do this to me, but watching her restrict her own food, go on strange diets, and generally hate on her body-while praising me for being thin, definitely set me up for an eating disorder.

My mom didn't thank god, but I can imagine those with moms that did restrict their food ended up being binge eaters.

For example, put you on diets, made comments about good or bad foods, commented negatively on your body.... How did that affect your relationship with food?