I'm a female married to a man for 7 years. Like a PP said, it's impossible to be everything for 1 person. sexual, emotional, and intellectual needs can't be met by 1 person. Unfortunately my DH is 0 for 3 on these things so I've requested to open up the marriage. He said yes.

Neither of us has acted on it yet, but we might one day. Who knows.

My views have definitely changed. Married 11 years. DW having an affair doesn't seem like that big of deal. In fact the only reason it would sting is she is relatively low libido.

I would enthusiastically say yes to open marriage and yes I know she could find a sex partner easier than I could. Monogamy is suffocating.

No.

Anonymous wrote:No, my views on monogamy haven't changed. I spent a summer working in NYC away from my husband, although I spent every weekend with him. I was attracted to one man in my office. I was hit on by another. I saw many attractive men in NYC and could easily have slept around. I even thought about it but conciously decided not to.

My belief has always been that it is normal to be attracted to people, but intimacy is a conscious decision. I expected monogamy in my relationship, and gave it to my husband.

I subsequently found out that my husband had been cheating on me with a variety of women during the entire 5 years of our relationship.

My views on monogamy are the same as they were before this experience. We all experience temptations, but it is not hard to be monogamous. It is simply a choice. I gave my husband my fidelity and honesty and in return he gave me neither. His choice spoke deeply about his character.

We are no longer together.

If you were my daughter I'd be very proud of you and I'd find a way to beat the crap out of your husband. Not all guys are dogs and I sure hope you meet someone with your standards. If you have children I hope they are proud of their momma!

Nope. Caught him cheating. Moved him to guest room that day. Filing for divorce. Bye Felicia. This is all about you not me. You failed at marriage, good luck without me. The kids hate you! Good job.

Cheating is a sign you partner is lame and weak. Not settling for lame and weak.

On the scale of things, it sucks, but it's not the worst thing that could happen. I would be less upset with a ONS and more upset with emotional involvement. I wouldn't divorce immediately, but it would cause me to ask what was going on. As someone mentioned, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me.

No, my views on monogamy haven't changed. I spent a summer working in NYC away from my husband, although I spent every weekend with him. I was attracted to one man in my office. I was hit on by another. I saw many attractive men in NYC and could easily have slept around. I even thought about it but conciously decided not to.

My belief has always been that it is normal to be attracted to people, but intimacy is a conscious decision. I expected monogamy in my relationship, and gave it to my husband.

I subsequently found out that my husband had been cheating on me with a variety of women during the entire 5 years of our relationship.

My views on monogamy are the same as they were before this experience. We all experience temptations, but it is not hard to be monogamous. It is simply a choice. I gave my husband my fidelity and honesty and in return he gave me neither. His choice spoke deeply about his character.

We are no longer together.

Anonymous wrote:Not referring to eventually believing an open marriage would work, but being more tolerant if you found out spouse was sleeping with some else and not wanting a divorce if it was keep out of sight?

No, DW and I have been married a very long time and I'm as sexually satisfied today as when we got married. In fact, last night was awesome!

My views have kind of evolved in the sense that if my husband broke that promise, I will not divorce him for that sole reason. When we got married, cheating was an absolute deal breaker for both of us. It no longer is, but my husband does not know that.

I am very happily married to my DH. I do not know a single man or woman that I could be happily married to(and I know a lot of people). I know only one other man I consider a great husband, but he is not my type physically. The numbers are not looking good, so I feel like my DH is a once in a life time opportunity for me.

There is no way I am letting my husband go if he cheats. If he says he is sorry, I will forgive him without giving it a thought. However, if he wanted to leave, I will let him go without a fight. I do not want to be married to someone who does not want to be married to me.

To be honest, if we lived in a vacuum, we will probably have threesomes(2 women) because I know he used to fantasize about those when we were younger. But we are both afraid to try something like that because of the societal implications if a fourth person found out. Where do you find a most secretive third party? If our parents ever found something like that out, oh my goodness...

As for me, I have never thought about cheating or sleeping with anybody else.

Anonymous wrote:I am less adamant about sexual fidelity but more about emotional fidelity. what i mean is this: if spouse wanted to quietly sleep with someone else every once in a while but there was no threat to our marriage, sexual health, no chance of breaking up the family, I would probably be okay with it, or at least accept it since, lets face it, married sex can be a little boring (esp if I got to enjoy the same). I am more anxious though about spouse falling in love with someone else, or someone wrecking our family, messing with the kids.

I generally feel the same way, but still believe monogamy is important. Basically because scenario 1 inevitably leads to scenario 2 at some point.

I am less adamant about sexual fidelity but more about emotional fidelity. what i mean is this: if spouse wanted to quietly sleep with someone else every once in a while but there was no threat to our marriage, sexual health, no chance of breaking up the family, I would probably be okay with it, or at least accept it since, lets face it, married sex can be a little boring (esp if I got to enjoy the same). I am more anxious though about spouse falling in love with someone else, or someone wrecking our family, messing with the kids.

my views have changed. i realize its so hard for 1 person to be all things. and that it is not biologically or physically normal to only crave 1 partner/experience/type of satisfaction

My views have become more stringent.

I'd honestly be ticked off if my wife was sleeping with someone else. I've spent the last 6+ years listening to I'm too tired, I just want to sleep or I just don't have the sex drive you do...

I'm not against open marriage, Polyamory or even swinging so long as all parties involved are aware and it's consensual.

I'm also not against a spouse who basically doesn't want to have sex with their spouse so long as they let their partner know the reasons (and they are reasonable) and is at least willing to make compromises.

Not referring to eventually believing an open marriage would work, but being more tolerant if you found out spouse was sleeping with some else and not wanting a divorce if it was keep out of sight?