9 large trash bags is a lot of toys--maybe too many. Consider cutting back and simplifying his life (and as a byproduct, yours). Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm flashing back to when my DC was around that age. I felt like I was at my breaking point so often.

- you need a break, and your DH probably does also. If there's any way you can get a sitter for a couple hours you should do that. It really helps to step away from the situation for a while. If a sitter is not an option, maybe you and your dh can take turns getting out if the house for a while.

- there are parenting techniques out there that will help, so hang in there. Just because your child hasn't responded to the ones you have tried so far, doesn't mean that he won't respond to other methods. I found Alan Kazdin's book, Parenting the Defiant Child, enormously helpful. In the intro, or the first chapter, he talks about what it's like, from the parent's perspective, to have a child with behavioral issues. Just reading that was a huge relief for me because I had been feeling like I was in my own personal hell, and the book made me realize that other parents have gone through this and come out the other side. I found his techniques helpful, my child did respond well to them. Very importantly, the book gave me a new perspective on my child and his behavior. I had to reframe how I thought of DC, and that took a lot of effort. The Kazdin method may or may not be the right one for your family, but there IS a method out there that will help.

- could your son have ADHD or some kind of developmental issue? It might be worth discussing with your pediatrician.

Best of luck to you and your family

Based on three days of mild misbehavior???? I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see this but really? Really?

I think we're all assuming, based on op's reaction, that this is more than just 3 days of misbehaving. At least, I hope it is.

Don't throw away the toys, keep them in the car and have them earned back.

You're escalating the situation and now, without his toys, you're giving him something more to get upset over . You're just fueling the fire.

He's 4. His behavior is rude, yes, but you need to take the high road and parent, not react.

Is he being bullied in oreschool, new baby in the house, over tired, etc?

And choose your battles Op - would it have killed you to put some more syrup on his plate (just to appease him, a dab more)???

Anonymous wrote:I'm flashing back to when my DC was around that age. I felt like I was at my breaking point so often.

- you need a break, and your DH probably does also. If there's any way you can get a sitter for a couple hours you should do that. It really helps to step away from the situation for a while. If a sitter is not an option, maybe you and your dh can take turns getting out if the house for a while.

- there are parenting techniques out there that will help, so hang in there. Just because your child hasn't responded to the ones you have tried so far, doesn't mean that he won't respond to other methods. I found Alan Kazdin's book, Parenting the Defiant Child, enormously helpful. In the intro, or the first chapter, he talks about what it's like, from the parent's perspective, to have a child with behavioral issues. Just reading that was a huge relief for me because I had been feeling like I was in my own personal hell, and the book made me realize that other parents have gone through this and come out the other side. I found his techniques helpful, my child did respond well to them. Very importantly, the book gave me a new perspective on my child and his behavior. I had to reframe how I thought of DC, and that took a lot of effort. The Kazdin method may or may not be the right one for your family, but there IS a method out there that will help.

- could your son have ADHD or some kind of developmental issue? It might be worth discussing with your pediatrician.

Best of luck to you and your family

Based on three days of mild misbehavior???? I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see this but really? Really?

Does he really understand what you are doing? and what he has done wrong? You need a break and then parenting classes. PEP or Parenting your Challenging Child with Dan Shapiro or some private coaching with a LCSW or psychologist. It doesn't have to be like this. "Children do well when they can." That's Ross Greene, the author. Also consider that your child could be demonstrating ADHD behaviors or other psychological illnesses that need help.

I'm flashing back to when my DC was around that age. I felt like I was at my breaking point so often.

- you need a break, and your DH probably does also. If there's any way you can get a sitter for a couple hours you should do that. It really helps to step away from the situation for a while. If a sitter is not an option, maybe you and your dh can take turns getting out if the house for a while.

- there are parenting techniques out there that will help, so hang in there. Just because your child hasn't responded to the ones you have tried so far, doesn't mean that he won't respond to other methods. I found Alan Kazdin's book, Parenting the Defiant Child, enormously helpful. In the intro, or the first chapter, he talks about what it's like, from the parent's perspective, to have a child with behavioral issues. Just reading that was a huge relief for me because I had been feeling like I was in my own personal hell, and the book made me realize that other parents have gone through this and come out the other side. I found his techniques helpful, my child did respond well to them. Very importantly, the book gave me a new perspective on my child and his behavior. I had to reframe how I thought of DC, and that took a lot of effort. The Kazdin method may or may not be the right one for your family, but there IS a method out there that will help.

- could your son have ADHD or some kind of developmental issue? It might be worth discussing with your pediatrician.

Best of luck to you and your family

Anonymous wrote:9 large trash bags full of toys. DH is loading the car now. The only things I didn't take away are his books and his night lights. I have reached my breaking point with my 4 year old. The past three days he's behaved horribly -- screaming, calling us "mean", throwing toys, refusing to go to bed, whining, etc. Talking calmly, yelling, timeouts, ignoring, redirecting, positive reinforcement, and yes, a spanking (flame me all you want) hasn't worked. He pushed his dinner plate onto the floor last night because we didn't put enough syrup on his waffles (we had breakfast for dinner).

He's being such a fucking jerk that I just want to drop him off at the nearest fire station.

Well, at least we can see where he learned how to behave badly. Let me understand you: He's misbehaving so you're having a tantrum and being cruel?

Got it.

Woah. He's 4 and obviously going through a tough patch. I really hope this is a troll.

If you must, bag up Jo's toys and put them in the basement for a while, but do you really expect that rocking a preschoolers world is going to lead to better behavior? The typical wisdom is that kids will behave worse when they feel their world is unstable, and a kid who has everything he cares about taken away is going to feel unstable. It sounds like you've been bouncing from one strategy to another in disciplining him already which is probably already contributing to his upheaval. Sticking with one thing that is an immediate consequence, and not raving like a crazy person, will set him up much better for success. Sounds like you and your son both have a flare for dramatic manipulation when you are frustrated and don't know the best strategy to respond. Reflect on that some.

My kids typicality are at their worst after routines have been disrupted (thanksgiving?) and definitely have gone through testing phases. Sounds like you've got either that on your hands, in which case time, consistency, and routine are in your best interest or a kid who struggles with impulse control or other issues (perhaps including inconsistent parenting) and you'd be wise to do your homework and find a method (e.g. Kazdin) that really helps those kids who struggle with that.

Okay, you've had a bad three days, that's a given. He's acted like a jerk.

What's going on his life? New baby at home? Grandparents visiting? Anything going on at preschool? Change in teacher? Change in babysitter? Rough Thanksgiving? Bestie out of town? Sick? Growth spurt? Dad working late? You working late?

Look at the situation holistically, OP. I know his behavior is hard to take, but he's not acting like a jerk just to annoy you.

What is the situation with him? Try to deal with it.

Anonymous wrote: I get where you are coming from, but you need solutions, not rage. You are essentially having an adult temper tantrum and he is likely to start behaving worse, not better.

Calling you mean and whining is going to go on for years, OP. While screaming and throwing toys is not appropriate, he is four years old. Your expectations are way too high.

I recommend a parenting class and some parenting books.

This exactly.

You're in for the long haul and need a more useful, sustainable approach. This will just escalate things and not help address the behaviors that are pushing you to the breaking point.

I had a friend do this. In her defense she was a teen parent of a 4 year old and she grew up in foster care so she didn't know better. I would suggest you not get rid of the toys, simply put them somewhere else. That way he can get them or earn them back. He will feel less abandonment that way.

Take a deep breath. He's 4, and while he seems big to you, he's actually still very young. I have been frustrated with my kids too, but if you write them off as bad this young, you'll never get them to behave.

Don't throw away the toys. Well, maybe some here are some ideas:

Have him earn back the ones he lost with good behavior. Make it really easy for him to get back so the positive reinforcement has him wanting to behave better.

Cut out screen time (it makes my son a monster).

Make sure he gets lots of outside time (even when it's cold)

Make sure he's getting a good night's sleep. Put him to bed even earlier than you think he should go. Adjust work schedules if you have to. Sleep is huge.

Make sure he's eating enough protein. The American kid diet is packed with carbs and sugar and they can have sugar crashes just like adults.

Give him a lot of adult one on one time. No phone in hand, face to face playing a game, reading books, hiking.

Be consistent with discipline.

Get help--from your kids teachers, from your pediatrician, from books, podcasts, social workers or psychologists. Don't write him off this young.

Oh just so you know, you can't drop a four year old at a fire station. The safe haven thing has an age limit.

I get where you are coming from, but you need solutions, not rage. You are essentially having an adult temper tantrum and he is likely to start behaving worse, not better.

Calling you mean and whining is going to go on for years, OP. While screaming and throwing toys is not appropriate, he is four years old. Your expectations are way too high.

I recommend a parenting class and some parenting books.

9 large trash bags full of toys. DH is loading the car now. The only things I didn't take away are his books and his night lights. I have reached my breaking point with my 4 year old. The past three days he's behaved horribly -- screaming, calling us "mean", throwing toys, refusing to go to bed, whining, etc. Talking calmly, yelling, timeouts, ignoring, redirecting, positive reinforcement, and yes, a spanking (flame me all you want) hasn't worked. He pushed his dinner plate onto the floor last night because we didn't put enough syrup on his waffles (we had breakfast for dinner).

He's being such a fucking jerk that I just want to drop him off at the nearest fire station.