Anonymous wrote:It probably depends if the drought is based simply on a hectic schedule or not. If it's just being busy, then scheduling will probably be helpful.

On the other hand, if her hormones make her simply uninterested in sex or if she resents you for something, then scheduling will probably make things even worse.

True. The resentment is a killer.

We don't schedule it, but I track it. OK, yes, I am a nerd. And I made sure we get it a few times a week, most weeks. There are weeks (travel, vacations, my period) when we have it once. Very rarely we have it not at all in a week. I checked my spreadsheet, and there were three weeks in 2016 that we didn't have sex at all. Two of them involved 6-7 days of travel for him, the third week ... I don't remember why we didn't have sex that week (no notes in my spreadsheet) but we had it 3 times the week before and 3 the week after. So, it seems reasonable. Our average is above 2 but below 3 times a week.

You may think I'm a dork, but I find that this is the way I can schedule and make sure we get enough sex to remain happy, and I don't feel pressured for sex (because I don't get asked for sex if I'm handing it out before he gets anxious).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't "schedule" it per say and we've never talked about it but I always make sure we do it at least once a week. Good marriage maintenance.

+1 Us too (DW here). And if we skip it for whatever reason, I make a big deal out of it like 'Hmm maybe I can finally get some action tonight..' so he knows I'm aware that we've missed our "quota" for the week. I think it's important for the DH to think/know that sex is important to you too.

^^^this lady gets it.

It probably depends if the drought is based simply on a hectic schedule or not. If it's just being busy, then scheduling will probably be helpful.

On the other hand, if her hormones make her simply uninterested in sex or if she resents you for something, then scheduling will probably make things even worse.

We went through marriage therapy because of an EA. Sex was the biggest issue for him as it was sparse. After the kid, there just wasn't time between two full time jobs and parenting and a house to maintain. Therapist said to schedule sex. As unromantic as it sounds it should be done and will require some getting out of the comfort zone. Once it happens we're both into it and it helps. If schedules are demanding you have to find time for this stuff. Scheduling date nights helped as well. Most times those also led to sex.

We schedule. We have sex 2-6x per month. If its been a few days since last action, we will look at our calendars and pick a day when the kids are in school and meet at the house for a nooner. This generally keeps us on a once a week pace.

This scheduling really helps. It makes sure we have once a week sex. It takes the pressure off DW from having sex the other days of the week. We pick the day of the week that works for her schedule when she has the best chance of clearing her head so the sex will be decent to good. I can take care of myself the other days without getting pent-up frustrated at my wife for lack of sex.

Its not ideal, its certainly not what I pictured my sex life becoming but its way way better than what we had before.

Anonymous wrote:In my experience it doesn't work. I proposed a schedule of once a week, and it worked for about a month, then it tapered off again and any reminder about our schedule was met with her saying that I was putting too much pressure on her.

Your wife could be different and just needs a little structure or set expectations. So I'd suggest talking about it at least and getting her feedback and trying it to see if it works for you both.

This was my experience as well.

I'm hugely pregnant and my DH approaching me for sex is pretty much my worst nightmare right now.

But, I still make sure to do it once a week because a) it actually is enjoyable, and b) connecting physically is important to the strength of a relationship.

So, while we don't usually strictly schedule it, per se, I will schedule it in my head. For example, it is unlikely to happen at bed time when I am exhausted, so I make it a plan to initiate during DD's nap time on the weekend. Then I do it, even if I'm not in the mood initially.

In my experience it doesn't work. I proposed a schedule of once a week, and it worked for about a month, then it tapered off again and any reminder about our schedule was met with her saying that I was putting too much pressure on her.

Your wife could be different and just needs a little structure or set expectations. So I'd suggest talking about it at least and getting her feedback and trying it to see if it works for you both.

We have an unspoken understanding that it's always Saturday and usually Weds. We fall off that occasionally but it happens most weeks..

Anonymous wrote:We don't "schedule" it per say and we've never talked about it but I always make sure we do it at least once a week. Good marriage maintenance.

Same here but it's more often 2-3 times. I think twice a week is a good number but we don't have a hard and fast rule. We work different schedules and shifts so it's not always easy to stick to a definite number.

Anonymous wrote:We don't "schedule" it per say and we've never talked about it but I always make sure we do it at least once a week. Good marriage maintenance.

+1 Us too (DW here). And if we skip it for whatever reason, I make a big deal out of it like 'Hmm maybe I can finally get some action tonight..' so he knows I'm aware that we've missed our "quota" for the week. I think it's important for the DH to think/know that sex is important to you too.

We don't "schedule" it per say and we've never talked about it but I always make sure we do it at least once a week. Good marriage maintenance.

Sex every Sunday evening. My husband set it up right after marriage. I thought it was weird but it's working out well.

DW and I are in a sex drought that we are trying to work back from. Just life and work and kids and all else and it ended up on the back burner, then kind of gone. We have talked about it and discussed it.

I have read that some people found the spark by scheduling sex which sounds so unromantic but has apparently been effective.

Would love to hear real-life experiences with this and how you guys set it all up.