We did 8 sessions with an EFT therapist. It was a game-changer. Married 24 years.

Recommend the book Hold Me Tight.

5 Love Languages. Life changing for us. We have both read parts of over and over.

^^ just read the reviews

We did a workshop thru my church, and altho he quotes biblical references, he is not "preachy" and everyone can learn something

Emerson Eggerichs
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So DW doesn't want to put out, places the blame on DH for not sharing enough of the parenting load, but DH doesn't respond to DW's attempt to discuss and resolve the issue and says DW is nagging him. Is that it? I have no book recommendation and would stead recommend counseling.

You got two out of three correct. Not bad! We probably do need counseling.

Not "putting out" is generally related to lack of trust and connection. If DH won't take ownership of parenting, family, and couple-related responsibilities and doesn't respond to DW's requests to discuss it and says DW is nagging, then indeed counseling is in order.

I'd recommend looking for an EFT-certified therapist.

See also John Gottman's books on marriage, and the book Hold Me Tight.

Anonymous wrote:Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

Taught me his POV and changed how I interacted with him completely.

I want to add that this was even before we had kids. So, when the kids did come, we were already partners who had each other's back. Having small children is a big stressor on a marriage, but for us that was an extremely fun phase because we were on the same page, and knew how to communicate with each other in a way that bolstered us up and made us feel loving and happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So DW doesn't want to put out, places the blame on DH for not sharing enough of the parenting load, but DH doesn't respond to DW's attempt to discuss and resolve the issue and says DW is nagging him. Is that it? I have no book recommendation and would stead recommend counseling.

You got two out of three correct. Not bad! We probably do need counseling.

Not "putting out" is generally related to lack of trust and connection. If DH won't take ownership of parenting, family, and couple-related responsibilities and doesn't respond to DW's requests to discuss it and says DW is nagging, then indeed counseling is in order.

I'd recommend looking for an EFT-certified therapist.

See also John Gottman's books on marriage, and the book Hold Me Tight.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

Taught me his POV and changed how I interacted with him completely.

As part of marriage counseling, we had to read the 5 Love Languages. I'm not really into self help books, but this one has stuck with me 15 years later. You need to give love how your partner wants to receive it.

The Bible. Seriously, I'm no Holy Roller, but prayer helps enormously -- pray in gratitude for your husband's good qualities, pray for strength and humor in dealing with his flaws, pray to be able to express your feelings with honesty and kindness, pray for patience and understanding of how hard life is when your kids are little, pray for humility in acknowledging your own part in the difficulties you face as a married couple, pray for sexual healing (can I get an Amen for Brother Marvin?) . . . .

I will just say that the most challenging years of my marriage were when my children were all under the age of 5. It was a stressful time and I was so deep in the forest of despair that I really couldn't see a clearing. I don't know if a book would have helped me but things that did...outsourcing what we could afford (cleaning help), exercising regularly and making time with DH alone away from the kids a priority. You might be treading water for awhile, but hey, at least you are still afloat. And I agree, counseling might not be a bad idea at all.

Anonymous wrote:So DW doesn't want to put out, places the blame on DH for not sharing enough of the parenting load, but DH doesn't respond to DW's attempt to discuss and resolve the issue and says DW is nagging him. Is that it? I have no book recommendation and would stead recommend counseling.

You got two out of three correct. Not bad! We probably do need counseling.

A neutral third party might help more, because unless you both vent, feel heard, and come to see each other's side of things and get practical tips for pulling together, all the books in the world won't help. This is the hardest phase of marriage, when kids are so young.

So DW doesn't want to put out, places the blame on DH for not sharing enough of the parenting load, but DH doesn't respond to DW's attempt to discuss and resolve the issue and says DW is nagging him. Is that it? I have no book recommendation and would stead recommend counseling.

Our main issues:

Mismatched sex drives
Default parent/resentment issues
Poor communication-mainly on one side, other party is a pretty decent communicator
Difficulties that go along with having 2 young kids (3 and 1)

Help!