My very close friend of 20 years committed suicide last year in July. It has been extremely difficult for me to grieve because I was not a family member and was not included in any funeral or memorial activities (I don't think his girlfriend knew how to contact me.). I have chosen to grieve by feeling relief that my friend is no longer suffering. He suffered for a long time. This was not his first attempt. However, I saw no signs that his life was an imminent danger. I believe that he felt very rational and that the decision he was making was the right one. I'm not sure why that gives me comfort, but it does. I only wish I could have seen him and know that it was the last time that I would.

I am so sorry for your loss.

anyone else?

I lost a friend to suicide. The grieving was and still is so hard, different from death from other causes. I started out sad and then was sad plus angry. I know it's not fair to be angry, but that was my feeling process. And then guilt. So much guilt, even though like pps said, you can't blame yourself.

I keep having to remind myself that it was an illness. Just like when a loved one died from cancer, I was mad at the cancer, not at her.

It was also extra hard because I couldn't talk about it with lots of people. I was really grateful to two good friend who just let me talk about my friend and my feelings without judgment or trying to solve anything. Most people who haven't gone through this won't get it, but hopefully you can find someone who will listen.

So I'll be watching this thread for tips. Op and everyone else who have gone through this, you have my sympathy and empathy. (Hugs)

I am sorry for your loss. I had a family member commit suicide, yet her parent's & husband didn't know that she was suicidal. I found myself in deep depression from losing our business and going through serious marital difficulties. I got to the point that I understood why someone might commit suicide. No one knew what I was experiencing. Please seek out a counselor to help you work through your loss.

Anonymous wrote:I used to work with families of people who committed suicide. I learned that it often happens when things are on the upswing. It's like once the person pulls out of the worst, they know how bad it can be and that they could go back to that bad place, which is unthinkable. When they are in the worst of it, they don't have the energy to do anything thing, much less form a plan and execute it. I learned that no one can ever imagine their family member or close friend actually killing themselves - they never see it coming so they can't stop it.

I'm sorry for your loss. You found not have prevented it. I hope you can find peace.

op here. i nearly forgot about my original post as i've been exhausted and feeling sick. i would like to hear more about this from the pp, if you're still around? why does it happen when things are on the upswing? the friend had a great therapist at the time - but how great could they be if didn't see it coming and do something, i guess you could say.

I'm sorry, OP. My friend of 30 years committed suicide last year. My sister attempted suicide not too long ago. I know how incredibly painful the loss is and have asked similar questions about how it could have been prevented.

My sister, who is bipolar and was thankfully unsuccessful in her attempt, said she didn't want to be a burden to our family anymore due to her mental health issues. She said she felt trapped and was tired of fighting the pain. At the time, she was seeing a therapist who she later realized wasn't a good fit. Now she is doing well.

I've learned that the responsibility to want and seek help rests with the person but at the same time, I've become less hesitant about asking my sister how she is doing, how therapy is going, etc. I regret not having a heart to heart conversation with my friend before she died. Maybe she wouldn't have been honest with me but I'd take back our last conversation about superficial things any day. I miss her.

I'm so sorry, OP. There is nothing you could have done. Sometimes there are signs, but in adults there often are none. It is a devastating loss. I have been there both as someone who experienced the loss of a friend to suicide and a minister who counsels those going through such a loss. Be very gentle with yourself. Ask for help if you need it. It's a very painful wound and it can take a long time to begin to heal.

So sorry for your loss. I second the suggestion for you to seek help via therapy/support groups.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. There are many groups dedicated to helping people like you -- get connected with those who have experienced similar loss.
https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/

I used to work with families of people who committed suicide. I learned that it often happens when things are on the upswing. It's like once the person pulls out of the worst, they know how bad it can be and that they could go back to that bad place, which is unthinkable. When they are in the worst of it, they don't have the energy to do anything thing, much less form a plan and execute it. I learned that no one can ever imagine their family member or close friend actually killing themselves - they never see it coming so they can't stop it.

I'm sorry for your loss. You found not have prevented it. I hope you can find peace.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Sadly it is true that there is nothing you could have done. When someone wants to end their life they will usually find a way. It is so hard to get someone with mental health issues the help they need - they have to want to get better for themself, but the problem is they are usually not in the right state of mind.

I recommend finding a therapist to talk to and help you grieve. You have the power to get the help you need to get through this.

I have family members who attempt suicide often.

There is nothing you could have done. Getting someone committed and forced to get help is near impossible for an adult. They are the only ones who can truly help themselves.

Maybe you could have 'saved' them by engaging in some kind of co-dependent suicide watch, but you would not be addressing root problems and have sacrificed your own life.

a close friend committed suicide. i've never lost someone this important, and never lost anyone to suicide. can someone share their experience with this? is it possible for the patient to get better and then relapse? is it true that there is nothing anyone could have said or done to prevent, or is that just a nice thing people say?