Well, logistically, you are talking a minimum of 17 hours of driving to get to both your mom's and your dad's.

That's a no.

Pick one. Spend Christmas morning with Santa gifts there this year, then go to the next to celebrate Christmas (but no Santa!!) after the fact. Next year reverse.

Until you are ready to say "That's great, we'll see whomever doesn't want to come to our house for Christmas over New Year's." Or whatever. Because driving 8 hours with all the attendant gifts and luggage for Christmas every year with 3 kids is going to get old, I'd guess, after the first time you do it.

And Santa doesn't come more than once no matter what you decide to do. No way, no how. That would be the fastest way for your kids to figure out Santa, ever, short of telling them yourselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you even consider doing this to yourself?

Because my dad has a shot back and hates travelling, and my brother and his wife are going to be at his house to accommodate. They then pretty much told us "Christmas is here" this year, which in turn hurt my mom's feelings (I'm closer to her than my dad). So then I was trying to be nice...

when you try to be nice to everyone, no one is happy. I honestly don't even think my kids would enjoy three christmases in a row - it would dilute the effect of all of it. If it's dad's house this year, then it can be mom's next year. She'll get over it, or she won't. Or maybe it's moms turn this year since the siblings family is with dad and next year can be his turn. Again, he's a grown up and presumably has dealt with disappointment before. Be kind and firm and don't accept guilt if it's given. Grow a backbone. Decide what you want and do it. Don't make yourself crazy for everyone else- that way lies resentment and anger. It's supposed to be fun, for goodness sakes!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are your inlaws in all of this?

1/2 holidays with Dh's family, 1/2 with yours. Because your parents are divorced they're only going to be getting 1/4 Christmas mornings. That was their choice.

FWIW I would do a Christmas morning in the place you're staying for Christmas. One parent gets Christmas eve, one gets Christmas morning. We've always opened presents on Christmas eve after Christmas mass, can one parent be okay with that? And then you switch next time you go there for Christmas.

They've both passed away.

Then maybe you should rotate years. Every other year you see your mom, every other year your dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you even consider doing this to yourself?

Because my dad has a shot back and hates travelling, and my brother and his wife are going to be at his house to accommodate. They then pretty much told us "Christmas is here" this year, which in turn hurt my mom's feelings (I'm closer to her than my dad). So then I was trying to be nice...

How far away are they? You can spend time with family around the holidays without replicating Christmas morning three different times.

One is 8 hours from us, the other is 6. They're about 3 hours from one another - a safe distance,

Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally get it. My inlaws are divorced, each goes overboard for the kids, then you throw in my parents, and then there is us, the actual parents. It is super annoying to me, and in our particular situation, we cannot have everyone come to us. So, honestly, I'm just working to let it go - to put on a smile, accept the excess graciously (while gritting my teeth), and to hold only those lines I view as imperative - saying thank you, taking naps, not consuming 100% sugar, normal bedtimes. Other than that, I try to take it in stride. I do get hte kids to make presents for each family member (we have to start a few weeks ahead) and I have them made a thank you card, which I mail. This is my own way of getting them to see that it is not all about them, that they must give to receive, and that saying thank you and appreciating the gift is required. But I hear you. Headache.

Thanks for this - good suggestions. I do worry that this encourages bratty, entitled behavior. If it were up to me, the kids would get one or two toys, and nothing from Santa. But this isn't the hill to die on.

Anonymous wrote:Where are your inlaws in all of this?

1/2 holidays with Dh's family, 1/2 with yours. Because your parents are divorced they're only going to be getting 1/4 Christmas mornings. That was their choice.

FWIW I would do a Christmas morning in the place you're staying for Christmas. One parent gets Christmas eve, one gets Christmas morning. We've always opened presents on Christmas eve after Christmas mass, can one parent be okay with that? And then you switch next time you go there for Christmas.

They've both passed away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you even consider doing this to yourself?

Because my dad has a shot back and hates travelling, and my brother and his wife are going to be at his house to accommodate. They then pretty much told us "Christmas is here" this year, which in turn hurt my mom's feelings (I'm closer to her than my dad). So then I was trying to be nice...

How far away are they? You can spend time with family around the holidays without replicating Christmas morning three different times.

OP, I totally get it. My inlaws are divorced, each goes overboard for the kids, then you throw in my parents, and then there is us, the actual parents. It is super annoying to me, and in our particular situation, we cannot have everyone come to us. So, honestly, I'm just working to let it go - to put on a smile, accept the excess graciously (while gritting my teeth), and to hold only those lines I view as imperative - saying thank you, taking naps, not consuming 100% sugar, normal bedtimes. Other than that, I try to take it in stride. I do get hte kids to make presents for each family member (we have to start a few weeks ahead) and I have them made a thank you card, which I mail. This is my own way of getting them to see that it is not all about them, that they must give to receive, and that saying thank you and appreciating the gift is required. But I hear you. Headache.

Where are your inlaws in all of this?

1/2 holidays with Dh's family, 1/2 with yours. Because your parents are divorced they're only going to be getting 1/4 Christmas mornings. That was their choice.

FWIW I would do a Christmas morning in the place you're staying for Christmas. One parent gets Christmas eve, one gets Christmas morning. We've always opened presents on Christmas eve after Christmas mass, can one parent be okay with that? And then you switch next time you go there for Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:I would say no. You lost me at the second line, with both your parents "insisting." They don't get to insist when it's not their kids. Too much hassle, unreasonable precedents being set (for kids and grandparents), too much, too much, too much.

this +1,000. We go so far as to request no Santa presents from grandparents... DH kindly explains it as "YOU are great grandparents, and YOU should get the credit from the kids for the awesome presents."

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you even consider doing this to yourself?

Because my dad has a shot back and hates travelling, and my brother and his wife are going to be at his house to accommodate. They then pretty much told us "Christmas is here" this year, which in turn hurt my mom's feelings (I'm closer to her than my dad). So then I was trying to be nice...

Why on earth would you even consider doing this to yourself?

I would say no. You lost me at the second line, with both your parents "insisting." They don't get to insist when it's not their kids. Too much hassle, unreasonable precedents being set (for kids and grandparents), too much, too much, too much.

Christmas morning happens in your house, after your kids sleep in their own beds. If your parents want to be there to participate, that's great, but Santa only makes one stop per kid. Their choice.

My parents have been divorced since I was a baby, but this is the first time they are both insisting that they have a "Christmas morning" with presents from Santa. Our oldest is 4.5, so he "gets it" this year, and our younger ones are old enough to rip into presents now. To make it more complicated, we'll be travelling to accommodate these "Christmas morning" requests, since neither parent was willing to drive to us this year since siblings are involved (fair enough). And, of course, DS only wants toys that are not travel friendly (a bicycle and a globe).

DH thinks we do three Christmas shindigs, one with my dad, one with my mom, and one for us when we get back to DC. This makes me want to scream, but I would love to hear how others have handled similar things. I know this is a "first world" problem, but I may need wine to get through the logistics of having presents for the relevant people at each location, getting a U-haul, boarding the dogs, explaining Christmas being more than one day a year to the kids, etc.