Anonymous wrote:I don't get this at all. She thinks you hate her and yet you were invited to her kids bday? Sorry OP, I think you may be inventing issues

No, I went to the party long before she was told I hate her.

I can't comprehend your post. Too many PA SIL MIL FF ...

Bottom line, WHO CARES ? It's a friend and you're grown. MOVE ON.

10:29 here - re-read your OP. Please don't do anything! You are reading way to much into people's behaviors and it makes you look paranoid. Who cares whether the past friend is there or not? Your problem is with crazy SIL, not the friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting a middle school girlfriend to bother you so much?

I actually like her. Last year I went to her son's birthday party. The problem is she's under the impression I hate her and I don't want it to be awkward at family things when she's there.

Why don't you talk to her in private? I didn't get the entire gist of your post, but it seems like a little chat away from sil could clear the air.

I don't know what to say. Do I just say hey, I don't have a problem with you. My problem is with how SIL handled things and I'm sorry you got the impression that I hate you. I dont. Or is that out of line to SIL?

Why would you say anything. Jesus, let it go

I don't get this at all. She thinks you hate her and yet you were invited to her kids bday? Sorry OP, I think you may be inventing issues

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting a middle school girlfriend to bother you so much?

I actually like her. Last year I went to her son's birthday party. The problem is she's under the impression I hate her and I don't want it to be awkward at family things when she's there.

Why don't you talk to her in private? I didn't get the entire gist of your post, but it seems like a little chat away from sil could clear the air.

I don't know what to say. Do I just say hey, I don't have a problem with you. My problem is with how SIL handled things and I'm sorry you got the impression that I hate you. I dont. Or is that out of line to SIL?

First, I wouldn't dignify this long-ago relationship with the term "girlfriend". This classmate of your husband was a friend. SIL has been on and off friends with your husband's past friend. Fine.

Second, I'm sure you and your husband can see this old friend. You have all moved on. Fine.

Your SIL has been acting extremely weird, and seem stuck in the past, but it's no reason to engage and enable her. She sounds mentally disordered. That's your problem right there.

OP. If that "ex" is there, just take her aside and say something vague, like, look, we've had some family miscommunication that turned into family drama, you know how it goes with family, and I just want you to know that it has nothing to do with you; it has to do with how SIL and I and my DH communicate--and sometimes things get misconstrued.

Don't get into the story with her, or even if you do, don't slag on your SIL because it's all going to get back to SIL. And to state the obvious, say "we've miscommunicated with each other" vs. anything like "SIL has misunderstood..."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting a middle school girlfriend to bother you so much?

I actually like her. Last year I went to her son's birthday party. The problem is she's under the impression I hate her and I don't want it to be awkward at family things when she's there.

Why don't you talk to her in private? I didn't get the entire gist of your post, but it seems like a little chat away from sil could clear the air.

OP here. My issue was never with this ex girlfriend. My issue was with my SIL. And I use the word TO loosely. She tried to cause problems in our marriage so we took some time apart.

That's really weird. Doesn't this chick have her own family?

Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting a middle school girlfriend to bother you so much?

I actually like her. Last year I went to her son's birthday party. The problem is she's under the impression I hate her and I don't want it to be awkward at family things when she's there.

Why are you letting a middle school girlfriend to bother you so much?

I'll make this short. DH had this girlfriend a long time ago. SIL and her became best friends. SIL and ex had a huge falling out and didn't speak for 6 years. I actually learned of this ex from SIL. One day I was in the car with her and we passed ex's house. SIL says "thats DH's bitch ex girlfriend's house. We were best friends and then one day she started telling people that I called her names and never spoke to me again" I nodded uncomfortably. I got home and asked DH about it. Turns out she's an ex girlfriend from MIDDLE SCHOOL! It's clear that SIL was just being a bitch.

Years go by and I don't hear anything about this "ex".. Then last year out of nowhere her and SIL are best friends again. Okay whatever not my business. Well then SIL started PA trying to start drama. I don't mind this woman. She seems nice enough. She did however end up in the middle of the drama. She began coming to every inlaw event/holiday and one day out of no where SIL says to me that this woman was family and I needed to get over it. I had never mentioned not liking this woman or even given the slightest hint of having a problem with her.

I addressed it with DH and asked if he had said anything to SIL and he said no. He was pissed.

DH was a DuH and sent a message to SIL about "ex girlgirlfriend". He said he was uncomfortable as was I. He told her it wasn't okay to bring an ex girlfriend around and expecting us to make her family. Blah blah blah it ended up being a text that only addressed this woman rather than addressing SIL's bad behavior. DH followed by putting her in a long time out(8 months). In that period he learned how he should have handled it and lost the u.

FF to now. SIL has been on her best behavior. She seems to be trainable at this point. We don't necessarily have a relationship with her but we get along now and see her when we visit PIL's and she is there. She has this new friend we will call C. Well C will soon be SIL's SIL and has been invited to a few things here and there as well as her little girl who is DD's age. We do presents for the entire family so I asked MIL and SIL if anyone else would be at the Christmas celebration. SIL made a strange face/arm reaction and no one answered my question. I only asked because I would feel terrible if I left out a child.

SIL's reaction led me to believe ex(hate even calling her that) will be there. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with her. Not my house, they can invite whoever. So long as SIL doesn't revert back to using this woman to get at me I will remain fine with it. However, no one actually said she was coming and even worse she thinks I hate her.

I don't know if I should just ask MIL again if anyone else is coming or just go to this ex directly and explain. How do I handle this?