Anonymous wrote:In our neighborhood, it turned out that the husband of the perfect couple was gay.

This happened in my neighborhood when I was a kid. The most charming, social couple broke up when the husband came out.

In our neighborhood, it turned out that the husband of the perfect couple was gay.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Turns out he was just going through the motions, wanted to be happy but wasn't. One day he couldn't take it anymore and had to get out. The worst was the shock to his DW, she had no idea he was that unhappy.

Yes, a man I once dated told me virtually the same thing. Though he almost seemed amused by everyone's shock and "reassured" me he and his wife had no friendship. Though I am sympathetic to marriages not working out and understand hanging in there longer than you should, it also seemed like a classic midlife crisis to me. And I am deeply suspicious of people who decide to blow up their families (one little boy) without any warning, and in a way that seemed very callous and unapologetic to me. But back to the main point, everyone thought they were the perfect couple until all of a sudden they were done.

We were that couple. Everything from the outside looked rosy.

We haven't divorced, but things blew up and I see how it social life has been impacted by the obvious discomfort between us now. I mean, why would any one want to be with us when WE don't want to be with us?

People who know what happened were surprised, because everything looked great before.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes those couples overbook their social schedules just to avoid being along together.

*alone*

Sometimes those couples overbook their social schedules just to avoid being along together.

Anonymous wrote:In our neighborhood they were the ones who always went out and did stuff. Very active. Apple picking, wine tasting. Now she does all those things with someone else. I was always jealous because they were so active.

YES!

I have also noticed the strong social network / weak relationship phenomenon, too. I have wondered whether this seems to happen often because these couples are simply more visible, or if there is something more at play. I think there is something more at play.

Our very best couple friends broke up after less than three years of marriage and the divorce was WWIII (despite there being no kids, crazy). They were always the ones hosting the 4th of July, Friendsgiving, St. Patrick's Day, and so on. Their parties were a blast and they were the most gracious hosts. We loved each of them, but grew to see how bad they were together as we grew closer to the situation. After awhile it became clear that having tons of other people around was just their mechanism for coping with the fact that they had little in common. The most solid couples I know really enjoy each other, and they don't necessarily need a gaggle of friends at their house every weekend, nor do they need to be doing a structured activity every five minutes. Nor do they need cutesy, structured trips to wineries and apple orchards...although such trips sure do make for great Facebook posts, which oddly, reinforces everyone's view of them as a solid, happy couple.

A couple we knew from high school. Religion brought them together. Strong faith. Bought a house with wedding money, proceeded to have kids, 4. They didn't own a tv because they felt it took away from family time. Vacations were for the kids. Big on community service.

She got a computer and did many area church payrolls. He would get on the computer at night after everyone went to bed and started an internet romance with a woman he chatted with.

28 tears together, he decided he was in love with someone he never met face to face.

She left him, he married his internet love.

Shocking. I said at the time if it could happen to them it could happen to anyone. But found out he was a straight up pig, never helped around the house and she tired of raising him too.

Outside looking in, you would never have known.

My BIL and my SIL -- they are a great couple but she wants to have children, he firmly does not. They each knew going in, but thought the other would change.

Yes. Turns out he was just going through the motions, wanted to be happy but wasn't. One day he couldn't take it anymore and had to get out. The worst was the shock to his DW, she had no idea he was that unhappy.

Yep, close friends who seemed to have it all...until they didn't. No idea when/how things started going wrong, but they did. It was surprising, but a good reminder that things aren't always what they seem. I don't mean that in a BS perfect Facebook life sort of way, just that it isn't always obvious how things will play out -- to people in the relationship and those just observing.

She probably fell in love with someone whom she felt was a better fit for her.

In our neighborhood they were the ones who always went out and did stuff. Very active. Apple picking, wine tasting. Now she does all those things with someone else. I was always jealous because they were so active.

Everyone seems great together on the outside. No one is home alone with them to see what goes on under their roof. Perhaps these "perfect couples" have actually never been perfect at all.

What were the reasons if they seemed so great together?