Intimacy over sex. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, but I have emotional human connection needs which can't be met with a vibrator or orgasm without intimacy.

Intimacy and sex are tied together for women as well. Just reverse predicates.

DW

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think for men sex=intimacy

Wrong and my DW makes the same assumption. When I mention my desire/need for intimacy she automatically thinks I mean sex.

What do you mean? Food?

Anonymous wrote:i think for men sex=intimacy

Wrong and my DW makes the same assumption. When I mention my desire/need for intimacy she automatically thinks I mean sex.

You're married to a person, not a thesaurus.

Anonymous wrote:DH here - I can't separate them. They are not one and the same but they are part of the same big picture. Intimacy is all encompassing and sex is a wonderful subset!

+1
From another dh

Woman here. Cuddles and hugs are nice but for me real intimacy is created and STAYS strong with frequent sex. Not 5?times a week. My fiancé and I average about twice a week. I'm on a new BC pill which is giving me issues and I can't really have sex, and it's only been a week and a half, but I miss the closeness and connection we get when we have sex. Sometimes it's a hassle to actually start a makeout/sex session but once we've done it I've never regretted it. It's just so good for our relationship.

i think for men sex=intimacy

Intimacy is more important than sex to me too. There have been times that things have been really awful and we have been on the brink of divorce and still having sex. Part of it was that we had stopped the intimate gestures and treating each other with respect.

DH here - I can't separate them. They are not one and the same but they are part of the same big picture. Intimacy is all encompassing and sex is a wonderful subset!

mid 30's female, sexual fulfillment is more important to me than non-sexual intimacy.

DW here. 36. Sex is way more important to me than intimacy but I'm not normal.

Both. Males see them as synonyms. Men and women are wired differently. If you knew that everything in your relationship would improve if you had sex every other night and once a month, got the kids out of the house and did something a little ouside the comfort zone, ie, fulfilled a fantasy (yours or his, maybe alternate), would that change your outlook on sex?

Just like him doing little things around the house without you having to nag gives you joy, him not having to beg for sex and getting to feel desired and wanted gives him joy.

There was a thread in here not too long ago about DHs being too "hands on" with their DWs (unwanted surprise groping). There is a reason you will never see a DH start a thread like that (2 reasons: they love it and not many DWs do it). Want to throw DH off his game, some day when you know it's safe (no kids to interrupt), when he walks through the door, greet him in what appears to be the usual fashion but instead of the peck, kiss him passionately with tongue while placing your hand on his package. Undo his pants and drop down and devour him like a dessert you've been craving. Pause to look up and catch his eyes and marvel at the look you are receiving. Let him find something special on underneath your usual outfit or maybe nothing at all, just to let him know you've been thinking about this and him all day. When he asks "what brought this on?" don't be hurt, just smile and tell him you've been thinking about him all day. That gesture will have rocked his world and make him feel like the luckiest man on the planet.

Neither is more important -- as a freestanding need. But his needs are just as valid as yours. The sex is a need, of course.

I'm glad you are paying attention to the last three years worth of posts here on DCUM.

No, you're not crazy. But neither is he. This is not an uncommon prioritization of needs on both parts.

My DH lists sexual fulfillment and intimacy as two of his basic needs off some workshop list we had. I listed intimacy but not sexual fulfillment. To me, intimate things like walks, nonsexual massage, cuddles, hugs are way more important than sex. Am I crazy? FYI, 46, DW, 3 kids