Halloween is not a family holiday for an 11-year-old. Good lord. She should have been permitted to go out with her friends in the first place.

This is definitely NOT a battle he should have picked. It shouldn't have been a battle in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn't have balked at her going in the first place. Halloween is far from a family bonding time type of "holiday"' especially for a preteen.
Maybe he realized he was being unreasonable and adjusted his stance.

Yup. Halloween is only a "family holiday" for little kids. This one is over.

DH and you will have to realize that as she ages, the custody arrangement should change to reflect that she wants to spend time with her friends and if her friends live near mom, that's where it is going to be. None of our kids spend their weekends with their parents.

Anonymous wrote:Who keeps their 11-year old kids from going out with their friends on Halloween? Nobody. Don't make her pay some weird price for her parents' inability to stay married.

Seriously. Ugh, poor kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn't have balked at her going in the first place. Halloween is far from a family bonding time type of "holiday"' especially for a preteen.
Maybe he realized he was being unreasonable and adjusted his stance.

Agree with this. These are the types of times to bend the rules.

Yeah, I have to agree with this.

What if your child wanted to TOT with her friends?

Halloween is a family holiday now, evil stepmother?

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn't have balked at her going in the first place. Halloween is far from a family bonding time type of "holiday"' especially for a preteen.
Maybe he realized he was being unreasonable and adjusted his stance.

Agree with this. These are the types of times to bend the rules.

I think he absolutely took the wrong stance to begin with. Halloween for 11 yo kids is about trick or treating with friends. The priority should be on your DSD and her well-being for everyone, not the exact details of the custody agreement.

The custody agreement is a legal agreement between the ex spouses. It does not dictate your stepdaughters behavior.

Butt out.

Parental visitation time isn't jail time for a child. The child is entitled to do whatever socializing she would normally do.

The two of you were dead wrong.

Who keeps their 11-year old kids from going out with their friends on Halloween? Nobody. Don't make her pay some weird price for her parents' inability to stay married.

I think you are wrong. And, I don't think he should have picked this battle. It was Halloween and apparently she has no friends at your house that she could/wanted to go out with, which is what 11 year olds do. So, why not let her have fun. I think he was wise to realize that he was wrong and to fix it.

Frankly, as she gets older, she really needs to have some control over some of the visitation. Kids develop their own lives and the custody agreements have to bend to make life work.

My 11 yr old went with her friends and her father and I are married. Either way she didn't want to go with us.

You're wrong.

He shouldn't have balked at her going in the first place. Halloween is far from a family bonding time type of "holiday"' especially for a preteen.
Maybe he realized he was being unreasonable and adjusted his stance.

Last night stepdaughter age 11 wanted to go out trick or treating with her friends. DH originally told her no because the custody agreement is that she has holidays with him and our family. I agreed with his stance.

DSD then throws a tantrum saying , she wished she could live with mom all the time so DH gave into her and she went out with her friends.

DH and I then had a disagreement about him giving into her tantrum and now whenever she doesn't want to do something she's going to do the I want to live with mom thing.

I'm not completely clueless about parenting as I have a 6 year old, so I fully get picking battles, but I think this is a battle he should have picked.