Anonymous wrote:He does not want to leave earlier from work to attend an event at our DS elementary school. The event is organized by the math team. They will informed how they teach math nowadays and there will be some math activities. It seems he wants me to be overloaded with everything related to our son's education because I'm SAHM and he can do whatever he wants. Every time I ask him to do something he starts an argument and does not want to listen. I need advice on how to proceed.

Sirens, OP. You are in the process of completely screwing up your marriage and your kids' life. Listen. You are home full-time. So, absent a compelling need, work is going to come first for your husband because he needs to stay gainfully employed. I don't know if you know this, but it's brutal out there and while I think it's great when my husband is able to make events, I don't expect him to show up to things like this. Because, let's be serious. Who's going to be supervising the homework? You. You need to know this. So, while it's a useful and important thing for you, any normal person who is working and has a full-time parent at home during the time window when homework is being done and think, "well, they got it covered. I am going to save my capital for things like a winter concert or something else."

I think the worst thing is the thread title. It's just so aggressive. He's not an asshole for not going to this because he is working. I mean, it would be different if he was going to the bar or doing something that didn't actually involve bringing money in to pay the bills.

I don't know, OP. I'd say you're in the wrong for framing it this way and if he's yelling at you, he's in the wrong for losing his temper. It's a stupid, nonsense, contrived fight that honestly didn't need to happen. Is this the hill you want your marriage to die on?

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but I do agree that it is more your "job" as a SAHP to go than his duty to take off of work early. And yes, also agree you won't really learn much at the event so only go if you want to meet other parents or kids.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Ther had been times he left earlier to see his father, who only cares about himself and his money. Now that my husband has an opportunity to come to an informative event with our child he yells at me. I'm so tired of the selfishness and arguments.

I wouldn't use pto to come to this. Nope. Now if it were an event where they'd be teaching my spouse proper grammar usage, I'd be there for that!

This isn't about this event- it's about your marriage which sounds strained at the moment.

Sounds like you both don't feel appreciated or respected. Focus on that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well he may feel like you don't get the pressure he is under as a sole provider.

Exactly. Why SHOULD he do this? I'd expect my husband to go, probably, but we're both equally involved in kid stuff.

Doesyour DH yells at you every time you ask him to attend to this kind of event?

Anonymous wrote:Ther had been times he left earlier to see his father, who only cares about himself and his money. Now that my husband has an opportunity to come to an informative event with our child he yells at me. I'm so tired of the selfishness and arguments.

Your issues go beyond this event. If you want him to share equally in kid stuff, get a job.

I am a SAHM and tbh, I wouldn't ask nor expect my dh to leave work early for an event like that. I have the flexibility to attend after school and evening events so I just let my dh know what's happening and that if he is interested and/or able to join me, he is welcome to. I don't know how your dh treats you, so I have to assume that plays a role, but mine appreciates that I can take on those kinds of extras and not having pressure on him to leave work early to do so.

Even if it's a concert, for example, which would be much more important to me that he attend than a math information meeting, he certainly makes an effort but sometimes he gets there late or has to miss altogether.

As a SAHM, I do take the lead in activities related to our three kids' education and extracurriculars. It can be a bit overwhelming when kids need to be in different places at the same time, but I feel that every job has stress and everyone feels overloaded at times.

sorry, but I do agree that it is more your "job" as a SAHP to go than his duty to take off of work early. And yes, also agree you won't really learn much at the event so only go if you want to meet other parents or kids.

Ther had been times he left earlier to see his father, who only cares about himself and his money. Now that my husband has an opportunity to come to an informative event with our child he yells at me. I'm so tired of the selfishness and arguments.

Anonymous wrote:Well he may feel like you don't get the pressure he is under as a sole provider.

Exactly. Why SHOULD he do this? I'd expect my husband to go, probably, but we're both equally involved in kid stuff.

Well he may feel like you don't get the pressure he is under as a sole provider.

What kind of work does he do? Where I worked I would have to take a half day vacation to leave early. If I had done that for every school event I would have no real vacation time.

The math event sounds like a waste of time. Schools schedule too many activities.

you accept that he is not interested, and you do what you need to for your child. Sorry, but you can't force him to care.

He does not want to leave earlier from work to attend an event at our DS elementary school. The event is organized by the math team. They will informed how they teach math nowadays and there will be some math activities. It seems he wants me to be overloaded with everything related to our son's education because I'm SAHM and he can do whatever he wants. Every time I ask him to do something he starts an argument and does not want to listen. I need advice on how to proceed.