Wow, you sound quite awful. Why would you push your son into something that takes him away from his young family so much?? I am with your DIL that he will never get this time back with them, and it is a lot for her to deal with too. You should apologize to the both for putting on any pressure and say that you will support them wholeheartedly regardless of what he decides to do - finish the degree or drop out.

You are way way way too involved in their personal life and should back off. Pay for them to take a family vacation. Without you.

Don't apologize.

Do butt out.

Your son and his wife need to figure this out for themselves.

Anonymous wrote:JD is a terminal degree. Just saying.

So then What is an LLM?

JD is a terminal degree. Just saying.

Wow, I feel really sorry for your DIL! That sounds miserable. I too would be upset for my husband to be away so much. She is essentially a single mom working full time. That's hard. What is your son going to do with a JD? Most lawyers I know are miserable in their job.
You really put your son (and DIL) in a terrible position with your pressure.

Please use paragraph breaks.

You are clearly trying to exert too much influence in your adult child's life.

Anonymous wrote:the only thing you can do is
1. apologize (and never say "but... it will pay off, I'm right, etc.")
2. back the f off forever
3. offer all the help you can by either watching their kids all the time or giving them enough money to hire a cleaning service and regular babysitting.

If you want to be close to your grandkids, do it.

Just saw she doesn't welcome your babysitting overtures. Give them money for babysitters, food services, cleaning services, etc. Offer to babysit when kids are asleep at night too.

Mom, is that you?

Whoa. you should back the hell off. He's an adult and should be making his own decisions.

You say to her - my dear, you know we think the world of oyu. We know it's tough right now, but you've come so far and the first year of a baby can be so hard. How can we help you?

And you LISTEN and you HELP. NO ADVICE GIVING, NO SUGGESTIONS, NO THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT.

the only thing you can do is
1. apologize (and never say "but... it will pay off, I'm right, etc.")
2. back the f off forever
3. offer all the help you can by either watching their kids all the time or giving them enough money to hire a cleaning service and regular babysitting.

If you want to be close to your grandkids, do it.

Why are you interfering in your adult married son's career and marriage?

You should proceed by butting out. I've never heard a JD get called a terminal degree.

Not everyone has the same values, OP. You think a big promotion, money is the end all be all. She values quality of life, and family time.

She doesn't WANT a babysitter - what she WANTS is time with her husband. Butt out, lady.

1. She is correct
2. She didn't unilaterally decide to have the second child, your son had something to do with that too.
3. Acknowledge her feelings and the tough position she's in, apologize for exerting so much influence over him and just let her vent. Don't try to convince her that you were right.

Back.
Off.

Overall, you seem very "observant" and involved in your son's personal life and his decisions. You are like a dog with a bone. She was probably venting a bit and letting off some steam. Let her do that, but don't then turn around and ADD to the pressure and ADD to the over-involvement in their lives.

"Jim and Sally, I want you to know that I'm here for you. Anything you need--babysitting, meals for your freezer--you just let me know." Just say that one time, and then DROP IT. They will come to you if they want your help.

Background: My son is a 29 year old father of two who is married to a LOVELY girl who we truly love. He had a good stable job (still does) but my husband (and myself) really pushed him to get a terminal degree/JD. His employer also is interested in the prospect and its been implied a big promotion will come after he finishes although nothing written in contract. The night school life has been tough and my DIL and him have a 5 year old and a 9 month old. I originally thought she would wait to have a second child but she told us she wasn't comfortable with them being more then 4 or 5 years apart and yearned for them to be close in age. Of course I want more grandchildren and I am so blessed to have them both but the added child has made the tables turn into her wanting to stay home but its not feasible because of law school. So basically my son is gone 4 nights a week from 6:20 to 10:10 and gets home by 10:45. So for 4 week days a week she is on her own. The weekends are better but he still needs to study about 8 hours a weekend. She confided in me her marriage is handing on by a string and she resents all the pressure we put on him to complete the degree. She feels like his job is good enough without a terminal degree and we put unfair amounts of pressure on him to do this NOW. And 2.5 years ago when he got in we did encourage it because they only had one kid and he was already in his late 20s and we felt it was now or never. She said she will never get these years back with her kids and he's missing all of it. I keep telling her she will GREATLY benefit from this degree down the line but she can't see that right now. How can I encourage her to buck up and get through the next 18 months and then things will prove worthwhile. We want to babysit more when we can but she doesn't make us feel welcomed. How should I proceed?