Anonymous wrote:Your experience (and that of others who posted) is not unusual, OP -- sadly. DC had an IEP and does have anxiety and ADHD. Unfortunately, school was a huge part of the anxiety piece because of learning disabilities. In middle school, a private therapist told us that you have to let your child fail. The therapist was right -- we ultimately switched DC to a private school and it's made a big difference.

ADHD and the issues it creates for kids itself can also cause anxiety.

Even with an IEP in public schools, the organizational piece is a huge problem - because of the number of different classes and lack of coordination among teachers, at least in our experience. In private school, with very small classes and teacher coordination, this has improved a lot and they continue to work with DC.

Basically, the therapist was right. In elementary school and the beginning of middle school, we advocated for, and propped up DC. That just masked the problem - namely, inadequate school services, supports, and interventions.

Good luck!

Which private has teacher coordination?

OP again. Regular psych is unavailable. Finally got a call back from the backup. We are changing meds starting tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed. I have no confidence in MCPS.

PP who switched to private school, at what grade and how did the private look at DC's grades? Even propped up, DC at best will have Cs, maybe a couple of Ds or Bs. Did you go special needs private?

Your experience (and that of others who posted) is not unusual, OP -- sadly. DC had an IEP and does have anxiety and ADHD. Unfortunately, school was a huge part of the anxiety piece because of learning disabilities. In middle school, a private therapist told us that you have to let your child fail. The therapist was right -- we ultimately switched DC to a private school and it's made a big difference.

ADHD and the issues it creates for kids itself can also cause anxiety.

Even with an IEP in public schools, the organizational piece is a huge problem - because of the number of different classes and lack of coordination among teachers, at least in our experience. In private school, with very small classes and teacher coordination, this has improved a lot and they continue to work with DC.

Basically, the therapist was right. In elementary school and the beginning of middle school, we advocated for, and propped up DC. That just masked the problem - namely, inadequate school services, supports, and interventions.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

My son's IEP in 6th grade allows him to get repeated directions, broken down into steps if necessary, daily resource class instead of one elective where he works with a special ed teacher to get organized and start on homework (crucial!), use of the calculator for math, 50% more time on tests (crucial for him! He actually needs more time), preferential seating in the classroom away from distractions, use of graphic organizers for writing and pre-made notes instead of having to jot down information in class as needed.

Other than the special ed resource class, my son gets all of this with his 504.

Hmm. My child has had an IEP since K for severe ADHD and learning disorders. But it was only after we got him on the right dose of meds that he really started being successful at school.

Don't mistake me, an IEP *is* absolutely necessary! But I'm wondering whether you can't tweak the meds again.

My son's IEP in 6th grade allows him to get repeated directions, broken down into steps if necessary, daily resource class instead of one elective where he works with a special ed teacher to get organized and start on homework (crucial!), use of the calculator for math, 50% more time on tests (crucial for him! He actually needs more time), preferential seating in the classroom away from distractions, use of graphic organizers for writing and pre-made notes instead of having to jot down information in class as needed.
I am certain not all of these are being implemented, given that this is MCPS. But since he's been getting all As so far, I'm recording quietly and not rocking the boat.

You probably need to get your son re-evaluated and if you think there is a co-morbidity I highly encourage you to get a full neuropsychological evaluation - he's the right age for it. it will be expensive, but you'll get the full picture. It's the best way to persuade the school to write and IEP and provide the accommodations suggested in the eval report (which a good psychologist should include).

Also go back to the psychiatrist and see if there isn't another option there.

Yes, you need to let him fail. Sad but true. Special Ed is a wait to see if they fail system. You are providing too many supports for him by battling with him every evening, cajoling teachers for assignments, checking to see if he turns in work, etc. So why is the school going to do anything? He won't get an IEP if you are propping him up. Starting tomorrow do not do anything extra for him beyond what a reasonable middle school parent does- which is basically nothing but provide a quiet space for him to do homework and buy him school supplies. That is it.

My experience is in CA but the process should be pretty standard for all states. Normally you would contact the counselor at Middle School who has been involved with his 504 Accommodation Plan and ask for a parent teacher meeting with the counselor and/or principal present letting them know what the problem is and that the current interventions are not sufficient for your son and that you would like a psycho-educational evaluation to determine if he needs a more restrictive setting in order to succeed in Middle School. They have approximately 10 days to respond to your written request. Usually the school psychologist at that school looks up his former elementary school records to determine his past academic history which often sheds light on his current situation. An assessment plan is presented and signed by the parent and then the school district has 60 days to complete the assessment and hold an IEP meeting to determine if the student qualifies for special education services. If so, goals and objectives are decided upon by the special education teacher with the approval of the parent and services begin. As a school psychologist for many years, I have often noted that 6th grade students often have a hard time transitioning to the middle school setting where the student has to keep track of multiple classes and keep papers organized. It is early in the school year to determine if this is just new to him and he is having an adjustment problem or if his executive functioning is so poor that he needs the help of special education in order to progress in school. There are pros and cons either way regarding special education as it is very tempting for the student to become very dependent on the help he receives and doesn’t progress in self- management/organizational skills. Develop your own personal skills in these areas so that he can see how it is done within the family. The less family chaos –the better. Also realize that for some people organization is difficult and a skill that is learned over time. Hope this helps!

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. I could have written much of your post when my DC was in 6th grade. Here is what helped my DC most, even though it was not a silver bullet. DC's last period teacher met with DC every day for approx. 10 minutes. That teacher would have a checklist of every assignment DC had from other teachers and what materials were needed. The teacher would first ask DC to show her DC's task list and materials. If there were missing items/materials on DC's list, DC would have to physically write in the missing tasks in front of the teacher and go get the missing materials. Teacher also looked at homework folder to see if there was anything in it that should have been turned in. DC found theses sessions highly annoying - the result was that DC would try to make sure everything was on her list or try to sneak out of class without having the session. So it was hit or miss but the repetition of the task had a net positive impact over time. Two years later - forgetting assignments and materials are much less of an issue. Still working on completing every part of every assignment . . . .

Middle school is where it gets really tough for kids with ADHD/executive function issues - I would not take a hands-off approach but I would develop something that gets someone other than you and DH involved because what you're going through can really stress out the whole family. Best of luck.

Thank you. DC has had a high school student tutoring math for more than a year for an hour on the weekend. That same HS kid is now going to work with DC one hour during the week. It was a godsend this weekend because the HS kid got DC to do the world studies DC had half-assed in a fashion to elicit an email from the teacher to me. HS kid seems to be a good influence on DC. I am looking for a professional "homework coach" and would take recommendations.

The ALT teacher is trying to do what you suggest the last period teacher do, but it is at the wrong time of day. I don't know DC needs an IEP as much as a better timed Resource class.

OP, I feel your pain. I could have written much of your post when my DC was in 6th grade. Here is what helped my DC most, even though it was not a silver bullet. DC's last period teacher met with DC every day for approx. 10 minutes. That teacher would have a checklist of every assignment DC had from other teachers and what materials were needed. The teacher would first ask DC to show her DC's task list and materials. If there were missing items/materials on DC's list, DC would have to physically write in the missing tasks in front of the teacher and go get the missing materials. Teacher also looked at homework folder to see if there was anything in it that should have been turned in. DC found theses sessions highly annoying - the result was that DC would try to make sure everything was on her list or try to sneak out of class without having the session. So it was hit or miss but the repetition of the task had a net positive impact over time. Two years later - forgetting assignments and materials are much less of an issue. Still working on completing every part of every assignment . . . .

Middle school is where it gets really tough for kids with ADHD/executive function issues - I would not take a hands-off approach but I would develop something that gets someone other than you and DH involved because what you're going through can really stress out the whole family. Best of luck.

First, an IEP meeting request will not get you an IEP. That is merely going to establish your belief he needs one so they can evaluate and determine if he is eligible. It will still be several months before one is written and enacted. From there his teachers and he can have input into what he struggles with and how to address. Maybe he reads in the hallway to concentrate. Maybe he gets a 5 minute break per 90 minute class. Maybe he gets verbal prompts and 30 extra minutes for tests and the study guides a day early.

OP, my kid sounds a lot like yours--down to the extended departures from the classroom.

In my kid's case, he ultimately was not able to function in the regular classroom. He's now at a therapeutic school, where he's working on being able to remain in a classroom for a full period.

But here's the thing: like you, my husband and I made it our job to manage the assignments and keep DC on track. In hindsight, I realize that we became part of the problem: our fear/alarm about making sure DC kept up with the work actively worsened his anxiety and undermined his confidence. We had the best of intentions, but the road to hell is paved with those, no?

To answer your question, no, you don't "let him fail." You DO want to recognize that you cannot control your DC's choices or the outcome of his work/nonwork. You DO want to make your kid take ownership of his own work. Likely as not, that's going to be ugly for a good long while before it gets better.

Anonymous wrote:In addition to what PP said, check your school's website daily - not just Edline, but the school site where announcements are listed. Typically you can download the forms so it doesn't matter if they are not brought home.

Another thing that has helped is to get close to some of the teachers so they send you things and e-mail you about things. I always requested that my boys be put into co-taught classes and I am very close to the paraeducators who tell me everything.

Last thing is this, and I know you know it. Eventually you have to get a handle on this because he eventually has to get independent. I started working intensely with my son in third grade and it's taken years to become independent. The single most successful thing for us is for me to put the problem back into his hands. What will make you remember to turn in your homework or bring home school papers or whatever. A few years back, I took him to Staples and let him buy every organizational supply he believed necessary (and it worked, so it was money well spent). He's made signs that he hangs in the house, checklists for the front of his stupidly expensive binder. Another thing that is important for my son is for me to tell him why it's important. This month, he's gotten really bad about getting himself up and out the door independently in the morning. When I told him that it was really important because I have a few work commitments that will result in him being home alone to get himself up and out, he started doing it.

I have to say that after ES, I haven't really seen much in the way of accommodations and services that really helped us with the executive functioning issues. There is Resource class, but you don't need an IEP for that.

OP here. I am in touch with every one of DC's teachers to the point that I am an annoyance. They are pretty good about letting me know if I ask what is undone or missing. Three are on Google Classroom, one uses Edline for assignments and one more is a long term sub with access to nothing. Took me two weeks to find an email for her. DC is in an ALT class, first period, which is useless. We asked the first week of school to move to Resource, which is the last period of the day, but we were told it is reserved for IEP students.

I have given DC every resource, including the Staples shopping, to get organized, to no avail. I have a full time job and so does DH, but finding and printing every last piece of missing paper is a full time job in itself. I already am a full time homework monitor/project planner for DC. I fail to see why DC can't be in the 7th period class even without an IEP. The ALT class is nothing but a glorified study hall during which DC doodles because we have already had the homework war the night before at home. The ALT teacher is a language teacher, without formal training, but at least I have her working to figure out where DC is missing assignments and getting them to DC, often too late to make a dent before they are due because of the timing of the class. I am just ridiculously frustrated with the school.

The school needs to manage the child they have. DC runs to the bathroom or nurse to get out of class. I have taken DC to the doctor for an out of schedule check up just to assure the school that DC can sit in class until the end unless there is significant medical distress.

DC needs a minder. The only reason DC is not failing is because I have been riding the teachers for all the missing work. Do I need to let DC fail? We cannot keep up this pace.

In addition to what PP said, check your school's website daily - not just Edline, but the school site where announcements are listed. Typically you can download the forms so it doesn't matter if they are not brought home.

Another thing that has helped is to get close to some of the teachers so they send you things and e-mail you about things. I always requested that my boys be put into co-taught classes and I am very close to the paraeducators who tell me everything.

Last thing is this, and I know you know it. Eventually you have to get a handle on this because he eventually has to get independent. I started working intensely with my son in third grade and it's taken years to become independent. The single most successful thing for us is for me to put the problem back into his hands. What will make you remember to turn in your homework or bring home school papers or whatever. A few years back, I took him to Staples and let him buy every organizational supply he believed necessary (and it worked, so it was money well spent). He's made signs that he hangs in the house, checklists for the front of his stupidly expensive binder. Another thing that is important for my son is for me to tell him why it's important. This month, he's gotten really bad about getting himself up and out the door independently in the morning. When I told him that it was really important because I have a few work commitments that will result in him being home alone to get himself up and out, he started doing it.

I have to say that after ES, I haven't really seen much in the way of accommodations and services that really helped us with the executive functioning issues. There is Resource class, but you don't need an IEP for that.

Best case scenario you will get a learning specialist or other school staff member to check in with your child and see if assignments get written down, is the worksheet in the backpack etc.

It's likely to be a struggle. I'd honestly look for a school that is as close to paperless as possible (someplace fullly using Google classroom or similar platform).

DC is being eaten alive by middle school. Managing DC executive function deficiencies are exhausting all of us in the house and grandparents who are now assisting after school. Half of our time is spent collecting and gathering all the information we are not getting from the school, presumably because 6th graders are supposed to be able to handle all this themselves. DC clearly cannot. Neither medication, therapy, tutoring nor 504 accommodations are having any effect. We're working on getting a change in meds, but we have also requested an IEP meeting, but I am at a loss as to what we can get with an IEP that will keep DC from losing every piece of paper and looking at me blankly when we I say where is the homework, or permission slip, etc.

Anyone with experience here that can give me an idea of what to request of the school through the IEP process?