We try to spend an hour together each weekday. Not always successful.

Way too many times a day to count. What kind of question is this?

Anonymous wrote:Agree, PP. Sounds like a really nice relationship and one I envy. Any chance you'd say more about how you guys handled the issue over 16 hour work days? That's very in line with what DH and I are struggling with now. Thanks.

He made a decision to step off the partner track. Then he left the firm completely, and within about a year he and a friend opened their own firm. I'd say he works about 10 hours now on an average day. We also got more strict about interruptions and getting organized. So now when he wants to put in six hours of work on a Saturday, he'll get up at 6am and work until noon rather than trying to do family time and fitting in work throughout the day and then getting upset he hasn't yet feeling like he's been working all day. I take the girls out Saturday morning and he meets up with us as soon as he's finished. Both he and his partner have kids so they make it a point to work with clients who understand they may not be immediately responsive during non-business hours.

Anonymous wrote:Multiple times a day. He'll shave or do his hair while I'm showering and we'll talk, I'll do the kids' hair while he's making us breakfast and we'll talk. We'll let the kids (3.5 and 5) walk the dog a block away and we'll sit outside watching them and chat.

We don't really have a state of the marriage talk on a regular basis, but if something is bothering one of us we'll bring it up. Like when he was working 16 hours a day and I got upset, we had a big talk about our goals in life personally and as a couple, and for him as a professional, etc. And when he asked me to stop wearing duckie pajamas I'd had since high school - so I bought some nicer stuff to sleep in.

+1. because of our jobs, we don't have too much time to talk during the day (I teach). So we text and when I leave school, we usually talk on the phone. DH calls from the car when he leaves the office. It's mostly about the kids (15, 12, 9) from about 5:45-9 every evening, but we always have a kiss when DH comes home, and we share (about the day) at the dinner table. Once they're in bed, then we have a couple of hours to ourselves to talk about anything. We both bring up things that may be on our minds or if something bothering us and we both deal with that and move forward.

we have a regular date night too (DH's idea) and that's where we can also get into more serious discussion about the kids, home, etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks to all. My DH is pretty private, and we seldom make decisions together. He usually wants to process things internally, so most of our talk is me raising things and him talking about the news.

I think that if that's how it's been for a while then you can't dramatically change it. Work on one thing that's important. Like you will spend 15 min at dinner talking about next months plans etc.
we are both planners and schedulers so we put everything in the calendar and talk it over. We also sit down and plan house projects and budget for those. We have dinner together almost every night and often shower together after baby goes to bed. No tv after dinner unless it's something silly on the iPad right before bed. Just no time. We do chores like hard work together as well post baby sleep time. We spend a lot of time together at home since we both WOH and miss each other. It helps that we are both talkers (if you couldn't tell by this novel I wrote here) , not extroverts just like to go on and on about things. I usually have to refocus the conversation to the mundane matter we need to sort out as it veers into crazy stuff.

OP here - thanks to all. My DH is pretty private, and we seldom make decisions together. He usually wants to process things internally, so most of our talk is me raising things and him talking about the news.

I have a similar experience to the other PP. We have a lot of QT built into our daily routines. No TV in our bedroom. We talk in the mornings while we're getting ready and playing with DD. We talk throughout the day intermittently on IM (everything from planning schedules/dinner to sending funny articles).

We eat dinner together most nights and we always have one or two nights a week where we watch tv together but pretty actively. Something like John Oliver that we'll discuss or an old funny movie we both love. And we usually talk a bit before bed. It all is pretty natural feeling, just how our days go, but we did try to build our days for that to be the case.

Like the other PP, we don't have 'big' marriage talks often but that is because we usually deal with problems right when they come up.

Agree, PP. Sounds like a really nice relationship and one I envy. Any chance you'd say more about how you guys handled the issue over 16 hour work days? That's very in line with what DH and I are struggling with now. Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Multiple times a day. He'll shave or do his hair while I'm showering and we'll talk, I'll do the kids' hair while he's making us breakfast and we'll talk. We'll let the kids (3.5 and 5) walk the dog a block away and we'll sit outside watching them and chat.

We don't really have a state of the marriage talk on a regular basis, but if something is bothering one of us we'll bring it up. Like when he was working 16 hours a day and I got upset, we had a big talk about our goals in life personally and as a couple, and for him as a professional, etc. And when he asked me to stop wearing duckie pajamas I'd had since high school - so I bought some nicer stuff to sleep in.

It sounds like you have a nice relationship.

Thanks, I think we do.

Anonymous wrote:Aw, man, not the duckie pajamas!

Oh don't worry - I still have them. I wear them when I'm sick, or if DH is out of town or I'm having a sleepover with girlfriends. I may or may not have bought my DD's duckie pajamas that match mine ....

Anonymous wrote:Multiple times a day. He'll shave or do his hair while I'm showering and we'll talk, I'll do the kids' hair while he's making us breakfast and we'll talk. We'll let the kids (3.5 and 5) walk the dog a block away and we'll sit outside watching them and chat.

We don't really have a state of the marriage talk on a regular basis, but if something is bothering one of us we'll bring it up. Like when he was working 16 hours a day and I got upset, we had a big talk about our goals in life personally and as a couple, and for him as a professional, etc. And when he asked me to stop wearing duckie pajamas I'd had since high school - so I bought some nicer stuff to sleep in.

It sounds like you have a nice relationship.

Aw, man, not the duckie pajamas!

Anonymous wrote:Multiple times a day. He'll shave or do his hair while I'm showering and we'll talk, I'll do the kids' hair while he's making us breakfast and we'll talk. We'll let the kids (3.5 and 5) walk the dog a block away and we'll sit outside watching them and chat.

We don't really have a state of the marriage talk on a regular basis, but if something is bothering one of us we'll bring it up. Like when he was working 16 hours a day and I got upset, we had a big talk about our goals in life personally and as a couple, and for him as a professional, etc. And when he asked me to stop wearing duckie pajamas I'd had since high school - so I bought some nicer stuff to sleep in.

HE's obviously a humorless communist. Dump him!

Multiple times a day. He'll shave or do his hair while I'm showering and we'll talk, I'll do the kids' hair while he's making us breakfast and we'll talk. We'll let the kids (3.5 and 5) walk the dog a block away and we'll sit outside watching them and chat.

We don't really have a state of the marriage talk on a regular basis, but if something is bothering one of us we'll bring it up. Like when he was working 16 hours a day and I got upset, we had a big talk about our goals in life personally and as a couple, and for him as a professional, etc. And when he asked me to stop wearing duckie pajamas I'd had since high school - so I bought some nicer stuff to sleep in.

If you have small children, how often do you talk with your spouse in a given day or week? Do you still do joint activities other than watch TV? How often do you check in on the state of your marriage, personal fulfillment, etc.?