Anonymous wrote:What is normal?

Well, I've been with my DH 15 years too. Married for almost 11. We have 3 kids.

He gets together with male friends about once a month or so, in our house or someone else's, for a sports game or card game or something. After lunch or before dinner. If it goes on too long, I give him a signal. He packs it up.

Your husband's life sounds absolutely miserable.

I'm probably closer to OP's husband than most, but if she's not exaggerating then yeah he probably needs to dial it back some. That said, men need to be with other men, always have always will. Would you rather your husband be a huge p*ssy who has to ask for permission to have lunch with his friends once a month (and "packs it up" as soon as his wife gives him a look)? So pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:Exactly. That because I didn't ask he can't walk to the store with us etc.. for example.

So, have you ever tried asking? Or are you just waiting for him to come around and see and do things your way, even though he has told you that's not how his mind works?
It may sound silly and stupid to you, and frankly I wouldn't like it either, but what's your goal? That you spend quality time together as a family or that he becomes the kind of person who you don't have to ask? You may want the latter, but at this stage in the game you'd be better off aiming for the former, at least for now.

You sound way too accommodating, and he sounds manipulative and passive-aggressive.

He sounds like a frat boy who has never grown up given that his buddies are all aging frat boys. With kids in second grade and pre-school tell him its time he make a choice. He can either be a husband and a father and join the real world or he can permanently join his buddies in never never land - The Lost Boys. But be prepared for him to say he wants to be one of the Lost Boys. Some people just never grow up.

Do they say sexist things?

Seriously, hand him the kids and leave. Schedule activities and tell him to take them.

What is normal?

Well, I've been with my DH 15 years too. Married for almost 11. We have 3 kids.

He gets together with male friends about once a month or so, in our house or someone else's, for a sports game or card game or something. After lunch or before dinner. If it goes on too long, I give him a signal. He packs it up.

Exactly. That because I didn't ask he can't walk to the store with us etc.. for example.

Anonymous wrote:15 years -- married for 7


His response is that I don't ask him to join us but my expectation is that he should WANT to join us.

Now I'm starting to think maybe I am the crazy one who expects things to run too smoothly.

What is "normal"?

You are supposed to "ask" him to "join" the family? WTF?

Anonymous wrote:Divorce him. He'll see the kids the same amount and you won't have to pretend not to mind that he doesn't actually care about your family.

This is true for me. I think STBX actually spend some more quality time with DS now that he's moved out.

15 years -- married for 7


His response is that I don't ask him to join us but my expectation is that he should WANT to join us.

Now I'm starting to think maybe I am the crazy one who expects things to run too smoothly.

What is "normal"?

If it is in your house, tell him here are the kids, I'm going out.

If at the friends house, pack up the kids with some toys and snacks and drop them off. Tell them, I'm going out.

Every night and weekends for hours on end this man is out of the house with his guy friends? Are you kidding me?

You have dealt with this for how many years?

Divorce him. He'll see the kids the same amount and you won't have to pretend not to mind that he doesn't actually care about your family.

Husband is always with his guy friends -- always has been but now that the kids are older (2nd grade and preschool) it's interfering with time spent with them. He's the only one with kids and a wife and they are all late thirties - early forties so at this point it's unlikely to change. I'm talking every night they have to catch up for three/four hours smoke cigars and just talk. All live within minutes of each other by choice. Weekends too .. itjust never ends.

Asking him to spend more time with the kids has not set in -- I'm at a loss for how to explain it at this point. It's the main issue in our marriage -- count my blessings and suck it up or keep asking until he finally gets it?