Anonymous wrote:Do not get guilted into this OP. You will be mad about it for the rest of your life.

+1000

MIL needs to understand it's not about her. Simple.

Many women choose to have their partner and their mother in the delivery room, and that's it. Even if it was unusual, it's your decision, but it's not unusual.

Do not get guilted into this OP. You will be mad about it for the rest of your life.

Once your husband sees the whole process, he will be glad you limited the number of people there, and he won't make you feel bad about it. I'd exclude your mother in law even if it feels uncomfortable up front because it will feel like the right decision later.

OP, your birth experience is more important than the feelings of whoever else wants to be there. You need to feel safe, calm, and relaxed. You should ask your caregivers for advice on what to say, because they get this issue all the time.

I'm a MIL and a former doula, and while I would love to be present if my DIL ever has a baby, there's no way I'd want her to feel pressured to have me or anyone present, if it wasn't what felt good to her. I'd be sad to not be there, but I'm a big girl, and I know the birthing mother's feelings are what matters.

A compromise might be to have MIL wait in the next room, so she could be there, but not THERE in your hooha.

Tell your DH that MIL can come hang out in the delivery room after he goes and has his anus examined and invites your dad to watch.

Anonymous wrote:Will you really get discharged immediately after birth?!

I had a whole entourage in my delivery room prior to pushing. It was no big deal and no one saw anything. Pushing was a whole different deal. I was completely open and naked from my bra on down. No way would I want mil there nor would she want to see that.

Also, depending on your personality you might not want people there during pushing. My mom coaching me pushing was like nails on a chalkboard and I didn't want help.

It was "no big deal" because you were medicated (not in pain) and probably not the type of person to be irritated by company when you're stressed.

OP is delivering at a birth center and will have no option for pain meds. OP, I've had two natural births and it is intense as things progress. You do not want anyone you don't actually want to be there with you. MIL can wait. I say this as a mom of boys, too!

Anonymous wrote:Your vagina, your decision. It's that simple.

This. What's up with all the MIL's who are so excited to be looking at their DIL's hoo-ha's?!

No way I'd have wanted MIL in the delivery room either time...and luckily there's no way MIL would have wanted to be there.

After 30+ hours in labor I was comatose after delivery. Too tired for visitors. They came but honestly I felt like I was risking my sanity by having people see the baby at that time. I needed sleep more than I ever had in my whole life.

Next time I will have visitors during labor but absolutely none after.

Will you really get discharged immediately after birth?!

I had a whole entourage in my delivery room prior to pushing. It was no big deal and no one saw anything. Pushing was a whole different deal. I was completely open and naked from my bra on down. No way would I want mil there nor would she want to see that.

Also, depending on your personality you might not want people there during pushing. My mom coaching me pushing was like nails on a chalkboard and I didn't want help.

How far away is your MIL? Could she be notified in time to be at the birth center for the brief time after the delivery but not during the action? I didn't want anyone in the room with me but my husband, but it was really important to some family members to visit right away/at the hospital.

Your decision. Don't let your DH make you feel guilty about not having his mom there. It's a few hours later. She needs to get over it!

Your vagina, your decision. It's that simple.

Do what you want. I would not want my MIL in the room with me.She'll get to meet the baby a few hours later. That's generous enough.

So I'm due in about 2 months. I've decided I want to have my DH and my mom at the delivery and that's it. I'm delivering at a birth center and expect to be discharged within a couple hours of giving birth. That is their standard practice. So I told DH that other family (my dad, siblings and dh's parents and siblings) can visit us and the baby once we have gotten settled in at home. Now my MIL is very upset and feels left out. My DH is understanding to her side and thinks I should invite her in as well. Im torn on this. Part of me really does just want to have a calm and relaxing birthing experience with just my mom and husband, but I ask don't want to exclude my MIL or hurt her feelings. Should I do what I want or let both of our mothers feel included and have the same grandma experience?